Need Advice on something....

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Jax1167
Jax1167 Member Posts: 9
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Hi!

I am currently going through radiation tx and I do at times think of all the medical people that have helped me so far (doctors and nurses) to try and get through the whole BC situation and when I was in the recovery room after my Lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy I was very well taken care of by a RN who was a guy and was rather nice looking anyway, with all the drugs I was on at the time, I told him all my feelings about my situation and how scared and vunerable I felt and how good it was to have such a nice, competent and caring nurse like himself take care of me...and I really felt pretty safe and secure at the hospital with this nurse that was taking care of my every need whether I was hot, cold, nauseous and so on. Anyway, I from time to time I have thought of him and also others that are involved in my BC care and I've kind of been "attached" on some level to all of the medical doctors in my life so far and I did at the time after I got home from recovery, wrote a very nice letter to the hospital commending this male nurse and I also sent him a thank you card as well.....

So....much to my surprise (pleasantly), (2 months later)I received a phone call from him and it was so exciting to talk to him as he was the one who saw me "come to" from recovery and took care of me and just the fact that he is a man makes it even more interesting (getting his point of view on things). So......

we exchanged email addresses and are planning to meet for either coffee or lunch (at the hospital) to just talk and I was wondering if you guys think I'm stepping into deep waters with this since I am married and have 2 kids and HE is married too.....does this seem innocent to you guys?? I mean I would never go further than just a friend thing 'cuz I'm happily married and everything and plus I couldn't take the guilt feelings BUT I am feeling kinda guilty for planning to meet with him to chat.....I don't know why, maybe it's 'cuz he is a male nurse and I just feel funny alittle but my interest is definitely there in seeing him and saying thanks again and just talking about BC.

Sorry I'm rambling but whatdayathink!!!!!???????

Jax
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Comments

  • jgrjunque
    jgrjunque Member Posts: 47
    edited June 2006
    Are you stepping into deep waters? Maybe. Then again maybe it's just a human connection between two people who see someone out there who might be a friend. If you recognize the risk, and can pull up short instantly if either of you starts to cross the line, my own vote would be: go for it. We can never have too many friends.
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  • Jax1167
    Jax1167 Member Posts: 9
    edited June 2006
    Well I guess all the attention is nice....one thing about BC is that you do get all of attention and care and it feels good to be looked after especially at a time like this....so I think I was just very flattered and appreciative that the RN took the time to call me and maybe I'm just blowing everything out of poportion so I'm just taking things one day at a time......thanks for your response, I liked it!

    Jax
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  • laryy48
    laryy48 Member Posts: 49
    edited June 2006
    My wife was treated at a very good oncology clinic and received super care and treatment from all of the doctors, nurses and staff for three years. All of the nurses were female and became family to Kathy and I. After Kathy died last December, these great women kept in touvh and stayed a part of my life......helping me through many difficult times. I have aken several of them out to lunch and taken lunch to them over the past six months. Almost all of these women are married and it never ocurred to us that we were doing anything else other than have lunch with a good friend. So my take on it is to go ahead and have lunch. You sound as if you want to say thanks to someone who was important to your treatment and recovery. I know that these women continue to be a source of support and encouragement to me. They were vital to KAthy surviving over three years of chemo and living as full of a life as possible. I am still in contact with most of these nurses too. If you want, have the spouse come along. When we had our lunches, spouses, kids, grandkids etc. came along too. The more, the merrier!

    ANyway........that's my take on it. I needed to say thank you to these great people. Sounds like you want to too!

    laryy48
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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited June 2006
    I think you know how you feel about him, in that respect I would trust my heart. Things happen when you don't stay true to yourself. I also had a night RN that was a male, best nurse I ever had. I was his first mast patient. He was a guy that was layed off from Dell and went back to school to become a nurse.

    Funny what a year does!
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  • CalGal
    CalGal Member Posts: 469
    edited June 2006
    Whew!! Interesting and hard to tell ... but ...

    The attention from a caring and attractive man is flattering and can make one feel good ... Having cancer and surgery is scary, makes one feel vulnerable and can make some question their attractiveness ... potentially, a risky combination ...

    What is in your heart and head? Why do you in your words, feel guilty about it? What is so significant about him being the one "that saw you come to from recovery?" That is his job. Think of how often he sees and assists with that.

    Is that dangerous (being as you're both married) spark there? What have you told your husband about this upcoming lunch or coffee? Would you consider having him join you? If not, why not?

    Just curious, has your husband been very supportive through your bc ordeal?

    Im not trying to be harsh, but am asking you some questions for you to think about in making your decision, NOT that you have to respond here ...

    Good luck with your decision.

    CalGal
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  • Jax1167
    Jax1167 Member Posts: 9
    edited July 2006
    Hi CalGal,

    I did meet my recovery male RN for lunch the other day and there is definitely a connection...we both could feel it and it's hard to explain....nothing happened but lunch/talk/hug/friendly kiss goodbye...until next time...I don't intend on doing anything "wrong" and I'm sure he doesn't either but I am feeling something deep I can't explain......

    You asked some great questions and no the hubby doesn't know about it and yes he has been supportive throughout the BC ordeal. It's a complicated deal I guess.

    Jax
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  • littlecatsfeet
    littlecatsfeet Member Posts: 87
    edited July 2006
    Not to stir the pot here, but is there a reason that the hubby doesn't know?

    I know how I'd feel if my husband made plans and met a woman for coffee without telling me. . .

    Leslie
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  • Jax1167
    Jax1167 Member Posts: 9
    edited July 2006

    Well.....I think I'd just better keep it to myself..I don't think hubby would understand it.....some things are better left unsaid. He has his business trips/meetings, etc.

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  • PaulaBeth
    PaulaBeth Member Posts: 28
    edited July 2006

    You are feeling guilty and cautious and keeping it from your husband because, deep-down, you know you are heading where you shouldn't be heading. Married people rarely jump into hurtful situations. They tiptoe in, one toe at a time. The time to put a stop to this is now, before more damage is done.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2006
    Have you both considered inviting your DH?

    If that thought makes you uncomfortable, it looks like thin ice to me
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