The Hermit Club

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

    Good morning Everyone

    Laurie I hope u feel better today.

    Markat I know how difficult these days are so take it one day at a time. Markat I seem to remember u'r an ony child if that's true I think this is harder on u than most.

    TekaSmile always for u.

    I have to dehermitize today-ick have to got to PT 1st time for my back so we;ll see how it goes.

    BBL.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited October 2013

    Easy on the bending!

  • lizlori
    lizlori Member Posts: 148
    edited June 2013

    Hello Hermit Friends,

    I have been reading everyones posts...and now have the energy to write....I ended up taking an extended leave from my job. The past few weeks have been painful, humiliating..overall stressful.  I was confronted with many things I apparently did wrong prior to leaving (even though my end of year review was good, and recieved a bonus) the nurse filling in for me berated me when no one was around, and management would not listen to me. My boss constantly scrutezed everything I did, and also lied to upper management about me.....I could not take it, and agreed to take an extended leave, which now means I have no insurance the end of the month.  Basically they really wanted me out of the position, and would stop at nothing, I had no fight in me, and decided just to take a leave for now.   My husband has settled down, but we need to talk this through, I can't figure this out on my own. I did contact an attorney, but didn't get a return call...don't know if I have a case, cuz it was my decision to take the leave.    The good thing is, I am sooo relieved, because this job was one big headache and I was so stressed all the time. Last fall I felt like I was having a breakdown, having panic attacks.  My plan was to leave anyway, just not until I was done with chemo and my last surgery....  anyway at least I can now for the first time, can actually enjoy life.   If I had it my way, I would not work at all, not because I am lazy, but because I can't deal with nasty mean catty women in the work place.  I am not a saint, but I would never ever treat anyone as bad as I was treated by this nurse and boss.  I am trying to not be synical about people, as I know there are kind caring people out there....

    I have completed number three of 12 taxol treatments, so far am doing ok....I fired my fellow Dr. that was involved in my care. She was condesending and arrogant....its funny I must have door mat stamped on my forehead.  I think because I am passive and shy, people think they can say and do what they want.....I don't expect to be pals with my Dr.....just want respect mixed in with compassion.  This Dr. thought it was cute to make a joke about my memory problems, along with other inappropiate comments.

    My kitten continues to be awsome.  He is always by my side, sleeps with me. My husband said he wakes up and sees him laying right my my face staring at me, almost like he is waiting for me to wake up. I am trying to get him to do some tricks...he has too short of an attention span for fetch.

    This Sunday, we are having a party for my son. He graduated from Hight School.....my baby. 

    I am enjoying the summer; just want to heal and be at peace with life....the job situation sucks, but in the big picture, maybe it was all for the best....Hope you all are taking care of yourselves.....

  • curveball
    curveball Member Posts: 3,040
    edited June 2013

    @Lori1020, I'm sorry to hear the people at your job have treated you so badly. Have you looked into applying for Social Security Disability? I don't know much about it, since I retired from my job rather than taking disability, but this may be an option for you, to get some income, and I think that if you qualify for SSDI you are also eligible for Medicare. I'm a little confused by your diagnostic information because it says Stage II but also mets. If your breast cancer has spread to other organs like the liver or bones, there is a way to get your claim reviewed faster. I've forgotten the second word of the name, it's "Compassionate _____". A trip to your local Social Security office may be in order for you.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited October 2013

    Maybe they want you gone because of the health insurance.Undecided  

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

    Another thing if u are eligable  for SSDI u can call them too and do it over the phone and fax u'r reports to them--whatever is easiest, but can u have medical care on u'r husbands or is it too late. And another thing is a few of the times I've been in the hospital---I have a big ear too I hear people saying they don't hae medical ins. and they are being taken care of--so who pays that? There has to be a way to get this straighten out ASAP, I know it stressful but it will be for u'r own good and then u will be stress free and can heal better.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited October 2013

    I edited the prior downer post.Embarassed

  • LaurieParr
    LaurieParr Member Posts: 270
    edited June 2013

    Hello friends,



    Lori, my heart goes out to you! I pray that you find the answers that you need. Overall though I am so glad that you have the stress of that job gone. I know what a relief that can be.



    I took my pain meds in a timely fashion today and I am icing and wrapping tonight. I have chose to rest in the hotel room for the latter half of the night as we walked all day and I knew I needed to rest. My boys went out for more ice packs for me. I am starting to realize that I may not be physically able to return to work mid July as planned. One lumpectomy I would have. Two was a totally different ball game for me. I sound like such a baby I know, but I promise you I'm not. I have always had a very high pain tolerance. It's funny how people expect us to "be back to normal" so quickly. In clothes we all look "normal". Little do they know the raw scars we are all walking around with. I was thinking about my life four months ago. My life before Cancer walked in the door. I was so different physically and mentally. Boy, how life changes on a dime. We are all truly "warriors."



    My son doesn't pitch until Sunday or Monday. I will update all of you when he does.



    Btw...I rented "The Sessions" with Helen Hunt. It was really good. :) Have any of you seen "Side Effects?" I was curious about that.



    Camille, Teka, Skittle, Jazzy,and all of the rest......love and peace to you.



    XOXOXOXOX

    Laurie

  • Jazzygirl
    Jazzygirl Member Posts: 12,533
    edited June 2013

    Hi ladies- I am ready for this week to be over. Going to go to bed early tonight and glad tomorrow is friday!

    Lori- I am sorry they are so bad to you at your job. I think you were wise to take a leave and think some of the ideas here about getting some sort of disability is a good idea. Do you have any long term disability insurance with your job on top of the SSI? It just may be the way to go at least for now so you can get through the treatment and also get stronger again. Your job environment does not sound very healthy for anyone going through cancer treatment. You need your energy to get through your chemo treatments. My heart goes out to you.

    I am really pissed at my client. I have not been all that happy with this contract as they have just been purely difficult, the project is not a good one, my team acts like a bunch of children and the hours are too long. But I signed up for this for the money and now having problems getting invoices paid. So tomorrow is "D day" and if I don't see a check in my hand in some form or fashion, I am going on strike! I am just going to step away and say I will return when someone can pay me. I know they will freak out but it may be the only way to get this resolved. And like Lori, I am thinking about whether I need to opt out. It's just too hard and I have other options.

    Well, I hope everyone has a good evening and a better day than I had! Peace hermits!

  • Skittle
    Skittle Member Posts: 400
    edited June 2013

    Laurie... No one has any idea.  You're so right.  When people see the "normal" on the outside, they have no clue about the inside.  Scars, pain, treatments, changes, heartache, hurdles... no clue.  I hope your ice packs work wonders and you can get some sleep.  Friends always recommended frozen peas to me...  They roll and conform to curves, and stay cold a long time.   Good luck to your sweet son.  Haven't seen your movies, but would suggest the "Intouchables"...  I thought it was good. 

    Lori...  Exhausting and stressful situations you are in.  Hope they are resolved to your satisfaction soon.   Hugs and hopes to you...  Wish the nest of hermits could help.  So glad your little furry one has joined your family.  Purrs and playful moments can be a welcome distraction when your mind is on overload and needs an escape hatch.

    Jazzy... So frustrating for you.  All that energy and hard work, and to face stubborn no-payment people.  Sounds very unfair.  Wishing you a more restful weekend ahead.

    Camille... How did PT go?  Back better?  I had pt for mine prior to surgery/to see if it could improve anything.  (Was working on my master's degree and while everyone else scattered to lunch, I would go to pt...  Those days I was literally having to sit down about every two minutes or the pain would just overwhelm...  Hobbling around campus was crazy.  My stubborn streak does not always make sense when I look back.)  oh, well.  Traction did not work for me...  Prayers continue for Joey.

    Hermits, all, warm thoughts and peaceful dreams... 

  • markat
    markat Member Posts: 909
    edited June 2013

    Hello all, hope you are all sleeping! I am going through the fabulous middle of the night insomnia again :( Back to melatonin for me!



    Lori I'm so sorry all that happened. I'm glad you are at peace with your decision. Life is too short to be in a miserable situation! I hope some type of settlement or disability insurance can happen for you. Hugs!



    Same to you Jazzy! The rest of your life seems so peaceful...kick the crappy client to the curb! You should open a spa for cancer patients or any type of disease! And then all your hermit friends could visit!! Pardon my insomnia babbling :)



    Laurie hope you had a restful night. It does change us. I thought I had a huge pain tolerance before all this crap :( Nope. Rest as much as you can. I'm keeping you in my prayers!



    Camille I am an only child, but I have my DH and in-laws. Also have my mom's brother and sisters. My father passed away when I was a teenager. Everyone has been giving me space this week. I think they know I'm in hermit mode and need some time to veg. The summer activities for the girls start next week so I'm viewing this week as my week off lol. Continued prayers for Joey and your whole family :)



    Teka you made me lol again about telling Camille to be careful bending.



    Skittle hugs. You are so kind to everyone on here!





  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

    Oh Markat I't nice to hear from u but I know it's cuz u need to hermit, but that's kind of recharging as I like to put it and that's what u need so just try to relax. And doesn't Teka make u laugh?? She's so quietly funny.

    Lori I'm so sorry all this has happened to u, like u need more, I hope u can get SSDI and get medicare or some ins. and u.ll be home free and u'll eal better not with so much stress.

    Laurie Good luck to u'r son. But I'm glad u'r taking time out to relax and I know about peas, always used them. Being operated on 2x must really be painful back to back like that. I'm sure it's not easy and u'r right to everyone u look good but so much is involved.

    Jazzy u sound a little stressed, I hope things work out good today-U'r always so up and looking at the good which I aways admire.

    Skittle as usual u always hold things together and understand everyone--u'r so nice--everyone on here is so nice it's wonderful. OH my PT well it was an eval--I do most of the excercies that are recommended because of LE bit one on the floor in a ball and roll--hahaha I' pushing 70 and can barely walk, I started laughing and of course all the questions, but one was do u fall much and I said yes and she said then what happens and I said well when everyone finishes laughing they help me up=which is true-she thought I was kidding.??? Then she said everything wilk be easy for me cuz I have to much wrong so be open to use a walker-Egad I told her I thought I was boing to be ready for the senior Winter Olympics after this--why should I do all this to use a walker? So they'll do what they can--I realy do most of these excercises soooo but ahe said she thought I was so funny, I'm not funny I mean what I say.Of course alot more went on but I have a feeling this is not going to "cure" me--so we'll se

    And Thank u all for my prayers for Joey--we still need them.

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited June 2013

    Lori - I left my old job which was my own business and started a new part time job almost immediately after radiotherapy finished.  It was way too soon in retrospect so I do think you taking time out and getting a breather is absolutely the right thing for you to do and if there is anything you can claim or do to get your abusive employers on the run and scared do it!!!!!

    I feel guilty as I don´t think I am giving much to people on this group yet you keep me afloat sometimes.....it sounds so inadequate but i do send everyone thoughts and support.....and sunshine

    I hit a massive low after my visit to the plastic surgeon but I think I feel a little better now, have another appt next week with another surgeon so may need a liferaft early next week!!! I feel like a wrecked car seeing them, they look and grab hold like i am full of spare parts and I still absolutely hate being seen topless......even writing this makes my belly curl up.......and not in a muscle creating way!!

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

    Lily Please don't talk about feeling guilty about anything--we're all here for each other any way we can be--sometimes we help each other sometimes we rant, sob--whatever We all have things in common, maybe not all things but we do have a bond and never feel like u don't contribute, cuz u absolutely do. So we all care about each other and for how ever long it takes sometimes thru things we like to be alone and we all understand this.

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

    Laurie I forgot to say--I did not see Side Effects (movie) but a while back I had this idea for a strange story about SE's cuz we have so many that have crazy ones, I love scary movies and I thought that would make a good scary movie--then I see this movie advertised and I thought again I never do anything. LOL

  • Jazzygirl
    Jazzygirl Member Posts: 12,533
    edited June 2013

    Morning hermits! 

    Lily- I am with Cami, no need to feel guilty, explain yourself, etc. We get it here. You have been through a lot and have be left with a less than ideal outcome. We like hearing from you and glad to know you are doing a bit better.

    Markat- one day at a time as you go through your loss and grief. Grieving can disrupt your sleep too. Melantonin helps. I also use an herbal suppliment called Sleep Blende that helps me to fall and stay asleep.

    Laurie- I am glad you are taking care of yourself, icing, etc. Probably a good check in with yourself about the work situation. I had a double lumpectomy and eased back into work PT when I did after that. Not sure if that would be so easy for you given you have hair clients. I assume some of your colleagues are covering for you with your customers? Maybe talk to them and determine if you can try going back PT. I worked PT for three months before I returned to FT. 

    On and on the subject of "being back to normal", I get some of those comments too as I have moved out of the major treatment phase in March. I will be honest that I just avoid a lot of people still who want to put their expectations on me. For those I work with and other people I never told, I just say I am fine. We don't owe people an explanation.

    Cami- I hope your back is better. Did the PT help? Innocent

    Teka- what is blooming in your garden? 

    CV- how are you enjoying your retirement? Are you getting to some things you have not had a chance to do for some time? How are you feeling?

    Thanks to everyone for the support on the client issues. Going to see if that supposed check that got mailed to me is in my business PO box. I find I am much tougher about my boundaries post cancer.

    I like the idea of a medical spa for cancer patients!

    Ooh, and good thing for the week- we booked the luau for the Hawaii trip. We go in six more weeks!

    Hope everyone has a good end to the week! Love and hugs to all hermits!

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited October 2013

    Lily55,

    A lot of times I only post an emotion!

    Cool

  • markat
    markat Member Posts: 909
    edited June 2013

    A luau sounds fabulous, Jazzy! My sister in law moved to her vacation home in Hawaii (after divorce). She always says we are welcome but...she has a really stressful, world traveling job. She's a professional photographer and is probably only home two months out of the year. We'll get there one day! After Disney lol.



    Lily I agree with the others! You are so valuable to our group! I absolutely hate surgery, and the thought of what you are going through is so hard! I remember after my bmx feeling so low. The women here welcomed me in and helped me so much. Rant, cry, laugh, sob, scream...we will inflate the liferaft for you. We might all pile in it and reinact a scene from Titanic... but we're in it together!



    Camille, you're so funny. I'd love to go to a doc appt with you! I will say a rosary for Joey.



    Well, I'm up, I'm moving. We had some girl drama this morning. Poor DH just sits back and

    watches. Katie couldn't find her golf clubs and blamed Abby for taking hers. Abby said the set was hers. Both bags were supposedly in basement put up from last year. So, Abby got to go play in a match this morning while Katie plans her destruction and revenge. It is probably my fault because I forgot and should have looked for them yesterday :( In the end Katie needed new clubs anyway and I'm sure it will work out to her advantage. My poor kids have it rough, lol. I think at Abby's age I was staying home alone all summer, eating cans of campbell soup and watching MTV all day.



    Have a great day everyone. I'm off to the second hand sports store I guess :)

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited October 2013

    Fragrant sweet williams are in bloom!

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited June 2013

    Cammie I am aware of that I volunteered to be a driver and then couldn't do it, had to get the clearances and my car broke.....Didn't take the bus Jamie (DD2) wouldn't let me cause she didn't want me to go to the area I had to get off of....so she got me a ride and my DIL picked me up and went to Wendys and got a frostly....haven't eaten it yet....

    Laurie take your time, you got 2 surgeries, it will be ok, just let it heal!!!

    Thanks sweet Skittle!!

    Next!!

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited June 2013

    Jazzy two brilliant minds think alike!! good for you, money or lack of it always talks.

    Cammie have fun @ PT...what happend to Joey, what did I miss..

    Lily hang in there, we alll feel like that through this sometime or another. You are valuable to this group....and there is a new normal now....and it is different for everyone

    Mark....I agree kids have such a rough life  these days....

    Lori I am so sorry that has happened to you, what are you going to do about the insurance?  You might qualify for medicaid.....glad you have the kitten that helps and have fun with the party......I could say so much more about the job, but I will be nice.....karma is a bitch!!! And with all the stresss of what you are going through, you would think they would be a tad compassionate.....

    Laurie, can't believe you when with them but so happy and proud of you for going, but please don't overdue it....as far as the job, talk to the dr. and you know your body and if you aren't ready then don't go back till you are.....what did the dr say about recuperation period and what happens next....be kind to yourself!!! Good luck to your son  [[[[[[HUGS]]]]]

    Me am in til tomorrow which will be the "bad" day cause had chemo yesterday but my gs has a birthday party that I want to go to only 2 hours 4- 6.....talked to the nurses about the how the nausea meds (2 of them) aren't working and when I get home after being there for 5 hours I am still nauseous and have to take a zofran, they gave me this new stuff that you put on your tongue, OMG I am sitting here with a taffy in my mouth, it was awful but lets see how it works.....Steroids kicked in at 515am so been up since then.....whatever....

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

    Blondie I hope those meds work for u and u can go to the BD party..They are so cute at those ages. Funny u know when those sterids kick in. LOL Blondie nothing has happened to Joey there might be medical issues to deal with.

    Markat kids are so dramatic, aren't they. U'r sounding a tiny bit better.

  • Skittle
    Skittle Member Posts: 400
    edited June 2013

    Lily... I was so awkward and hesitant to join this group.  But the little tag line "hermit" appealed to me, because that's how I've felt for years.  And then these wonderful, loving, funny, understanding ladies welcomed me until finally I could relax a little...  You, without knowing it, helped me today.  I have always and will always hate hate hate having my body examined, touched, prodded, noticed.  I'm deeply shy, easily embarrassed, forever physically lacking in any degree of confidence.  And when you shared your feeling of hating being topless, it made me feel more "normal"--less alone.  Thank you for that.  Truly.  You are valued here, wanted here, and will find yourself lifted here...  (and as you can see, I don't easily hush once I get started.  sorry!)

    Markat...  Oh, the drama of little girls.  My daughters are true opposites so we never faced the squabbles over properties.  One would hunt for her copy of "Vogue" and lip gloss, and the other would be out with her butterfly net and field guide.  Hope you can get some sleep tonight.  Start saving up that energy for DW.

    blondie... hoping your nausea goes away quickly.  What an ordeal to face before a bd.  How old will gs be?  He'll be happy to see you even if you feel yucky.  Love, love from little ones.  Priceless.

    Jazzy--now I know why all the yoga.  You're getting limber for the hula contests!  There are sure to be how-to videos on youtube.  Enjoy that luau! 

    Teka--I love perennials.  Sweet Williams would always grow in my dh's grandmother's yard.  It has since been paved for a parking lot for an insurance firm.  sigh

    Camlle--bless your heart...  If the nurses or staff do not take you seriously, I think I would type up and print a note to the effect:  Medical staff--Please understand that my laughter and what you take as humor are a coping mechanism.  I am quite serious and wish you would take me seriously.  Although I wrap my troubles and pain in what you see as humor, I wish to be taken more seriously and be considered medically for my symptoms and observations, not my anecdotes or behaviors.  Thank you.    Maybe then they'd get the message?  I cannot imagine not being taken seriously when you are hurting and want help.  It is your right to be taken seriously.  Love to you and Joey.  Prayers, always.

    Laurie... Hoping your pain is lessening and your healing is deepening.  Work will come in its own time.  Your clients love you and would not want you to jeopardize your health for their timetables.  Gentle hugs... 

    May the weekend be safe and kind.  Cool

  • lizlori
    lizlori Member Posts: 148
    edited June 2013

    Thanks for all the feedback...I actually set up an appointment with an attorney for tuesday.  This has been so painful for me, and I have not wanted to think about it, much less actually deal with it.   In all my years of working, I don't recall ever being treated this bad.   I am not a sue happy person, but I truly feel this is wrong and they need to pay one way or another. The lawyer said taking an extended leave doesn't help.  I explained that I refused to resign however  I could not take the daily episodes of being berated.  I had no fight in me, and was crying everyday.   Anyway, I am grateful for you guys...I am not treated like an incompetent dumb f__k. When this all came to a head, I was so down, and made the mistake of telling my sister I was ambivalent about life. This sister told another one, who in turn called me and chewed me out for feeling the way I do, at one point she said "Shame on You"  (I am 52 years old)   Needless to say, I will be very selective about who and what I share .   I have been depressed on/off all my life, but have never been suicidal or even attempted. I also have never needed to be hospitalized.   Anyway, the point I am trying to make is I feel safe on this site.People don't understand what it is like to go through this dx/surgery/chemo/pain...which brings me to Laurie. If anyway tells you you "should" be ready for work, tell them to kiss your ass. Good God, no one knows your body better than you.   You need to heal and rest sweet woman...at the end of the day, I think we need to be confident in our ability to take care of ourselves. For me, I will own any feelings I may have. I always keep going forward, but some days it is hard, and I will never be receptive to being shamed for feeling indifferent about life. Because  I know it is short lived emotion, as I really do want to live a long life.   have a great weekend, and Thanks to all for your support and ideas....a gentle kick in the butt to get moving with this mess.  

  • Skittle
    Skittle Member Posts: 400
    edited June 2013

    Lori...  What will help you immensely when you see your atty, is if you documented the maltreatment.  (Like if you kept a notebook--Tuesday, A said...,   Friday,  R said... and so on.)  Keeping point by point quotes or threats or inuendo would work in your favor.  If you confided in friends about your suffering, they can become witnesses for you.  It depends on how far it goes.  I have been sued twice, once as a teacher and once personally.  It is ugly and heartwrenching.  They count on your not being strong.  Best of luck to you.  There may be some small print somewhere in Americans with Disabilities act...as far as your cancer involvement and discrimination there...  Sorry, I don't know the fine points.  BC org may have something on it... might be worth a search.  Hugs to you during this awful time.  Hold tight to any energy you have.  Never, ever doubt.  Be sure and be solid.  It's so hard...

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited June 2013
  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

    Lori--u are moving in all the right directions--Wonderful--U are so much stronger than u think, I woud have sti been thinking about it.Really. Like Skittle said stay strong for this and save u'r energy for this. I think that there is something in the Dis, act now that might very well help u--so hang in there. Even now Lily gave u something to look at.--Lori don't worry about how u think, we all have dark days, just so u don't let them get to dark. I'm on an antidepressant and anxiety meds so if u need that talk to u'r Dr. Of course I've been on it way before BC but my Dr. raised the dose when all this started and it has helped alot so if u need to talk to u'r Dr. It's not a big deal. We're all on u'r side so anyway we can hep we will.

  • LaurieParr
    LaurieParr Member Posts: 270
    edited June 2013

    Ladies, you all are so amazing and this post is to ALL of you:



    I truly admire each and every one of you. Each one has had a journey that has and continues to jolt their life. I admire all of you and you have all helped me with notes, thoughts, prayers, and compassion. Today we went to a butterfly exhibit. We saw a beautiful 3D documentary about the migration of butterflies and then got to walk through a butterfly aviary and have them flying all around us. It was ethereal and I immediately thought of all of you. I started to cry as we walked through. My husband took my hand and said, "Are you happy?" All I could do was nod and take it all in. The butterflies reminded me of each of us; beautiful, quiet, fragile, yet so determined in their paths. You see, you all have touched my life and I carry you all with me though the good times and the bad.



    Thank you all for being YOU. You are perfect to me no matter what scars you have.



    XOXOXOXOXOXO

    Laurie

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

    Laurie u are incredibly sweet. It's funny but I saw my first 2 butterflies today and I watched them flutter around, they were so pretty and I thought of rebirth of life--they were both by my window and I'm thinking there's my mom and dad watching over me..

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2013

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