Nothing touches me

Lily55 · June 2013

I am 14 months post UMX for stage 3 diagnosis, stopped taking hormones as no QOL on them but now I find that nothing touches or reaches me, I feel so detached from the world like I am on the outside looking in, I have no sense of joy or fun, feel irritated with pretty much everyone I know and find they are using me being sad as an excuse to dump on me and blame me for things when others present know it was not like that and I cannot even be bothered to arguje, I just retreat and that is not me.......but mostly i am posting as I just think there is no point, I have no reason to live, i am so exhausted all the time and have no energy for anyone or anything.......not even my animals touch me, they are just a presssure...therapist has been msising for a few weeks and not finding him to be reliable but there are not exactly any others around took me months to find him.....so what is the point? and how can I feel like this when a year ago I was wondering if I would even make it one year on, now I´m here I feel so not me and so alien in the world

gonegirl · June 2013

Lily. I know how you feel. I guess depression after the main crisis has passed is pretty normal. I ended up having to go back on my anti depressant. that has helped. Also, cancercare.org offers free telephone support. And there's an organization called bcrecovery.org that offers retreats for breast cancer fighters. It's a long haul and takes its toll, that's for sure.

Denise-G · June 2013

I recently went through a cancer rehab program which was a huge help both emotionally and physically. I did not want to do it, but I am so glad that I did. It helped in so many ways. Please seek help.

Colt45 · June 2013

Lily,

I am a fan of yours. I cheer for you and you are in my prayers. I pray that you just keep moving forward. Winston Churchill said that when you're going through hell.....KEEP GOING. I'm sure many, many ladies feel as you do during their journey... and many of those ladies survive. Keep moving. You can get to the other side of this. It might not be real soon... but you can get there.

God bless you.

liefie · June 2013

Lily,

After a huge, life-changing upheaval in my life 12 years ago, I felt exactly like you describe - totally disconnected from everything and everybody, finding no sense or joy in life at all, and 'looking in from the outside' just like you. Would wake up in the mornings not wanting to get up - what for? Saw absolutely no point in anything anymore. Was then diagnosed with major depression.

After taking a good anti-depressant for a few weeks, I started feeling much better. I took it for a whole year before weaning off, and I have never had depression again even though very bad things had happened in my life, the latest which was bc, which could easily have pushed me over the edge again. I'm 16 months post UMX, had chemo and rads, and are 4 weeks out from DIEP recon surgery. Sending you big hugs and positive vibes, and hope my experience may help you in some way.

NewHopeAndrea · June 2013

I often feel alone too, and am Stage 3. These discussion boards have helped a lot. Even the people who love you cannot truly connect to where you are unless they have been through it. Even though it's hard to make plans and get out in the middle of my treatment I find it helps my outlook for days if I can go to a social event or do an enjoyable activity and get "out of myself" - and avoid spending that time talking or thinking about cancer. Like some others on this thread, I also take antidepressants, have for years - have had multiple sclerosis for 12 years too - and I'm not a doctor but this sounds like major depression to me (which would be totally understandable and not your fault, weakness etc.) I hope you get some comfort, help and understanding. Sending you my best thoughts.

Nothing touches me

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