Reality setting in...

Options
Kimmie32
Kimmie32 Member Posts: 15

My mom will die as cancer being the cause of death. It's been a year to the day that the lump she felt in her right breast was cancer. Triple negative the worst kind to have I guess. The next week the doctor found a hormone receptive tumor in her left breast. She had a total masctomy no reconstruction because if the TN. Chemo was 16 weeks of a blur. Only to find out didnt work and the cancer spread to her lymph nodes. 25 treatments of radiation to the chest wall with a diagnoses that the cancer cell had been killed. Two weeks later only to get the news the cancer has spread to her skin. We keep trying to find the good like "thank God it's not in any organs or the bones." However what her doctors won't say in front of me or maybe even her is that it's spreading at a very alarming rate. In my mind spreading that fast (2 weeks) and the medicine not working will I be here writing thanks for all the support but.... ? I'm scared to lose my mom it's been her and me all my life. No one lives forever but I'm only 33 and I want so badly for for to see her grand kids grow up. I don't like talks of what to do when she is gone. When she is gone.... Selfish but who will I call for advice when kids are sick or I just want to talk about nothing? I know she is being strong for me and I am trying to show that I am strong for her but really we are not fooling each other. She is in a lot more pain than she lets on in front of me and I know this because she takes a pain pill. She's not a pain pill popper type. Although I would give everything I have and don't have for my mom to be healthy and here I don't want her here in pain (does that sound right?). I don't know I'm trying to grasp reality and maybe writing it out here or starting a journal may help.

Comments

  • Christle1994
    Christle1994 Member Posts: 6
    edited June 2013

    I'm 19 and my mom just died. I'm still crying and I have my good days and bad days. I was her hospice care giver and I'm still in shock. It hurts that she will never be able to see me graduate college or get married or her future grandchildren. But I know she is watching over me and my sisters and that's what gives me comfort when I feel really low.

  • Fifi834
    Fifi834 Member Posts: 9
    edited June 2013

    I am so sorry. My mom is in her decline of life, as well. It is a very difficult time, and you are NOT selfish for wanting to call her for advice, etc. After all ... that's one of the jobs as a mother!



    I am going through some crazy emotions, too. I hate seeing my mom the way she is now. She has so quickly gotten so feeble and frail. Her mental state is a big fog. We are not in a hospice situation just yet, as her doctor wants to try one more treatment, beginning next week, but, if anything, it may buy her a few more months, if there is any success. But, frankly, unless it's going to bring her back, mentally, then I would almost rather not put her through any more treatment.



    Anyways, keep me posted ... as daughters of great mothers, we are all in this together ...

  • Fifi834
    Fifi834 Member Posts: 9
    edited June 2013

    Christle ... so sorry about your mom. Sending you prayers for comfort and peace.

Categories