Reality setting in...

My mom will die as cancer being the cause of death. It's been a year to the day that the lump she felt in her right breast was cancer. Triple negative the worst kind to have I guess. The next week the doctor found a hormone receptive tumor in her left breast. She had a total masctomy no reconstruction because if the TN. Chemo was 16 weeks of a blur. Only to find out didnt work and the cancer spread to her lymph nodes. 25 treatments of radiation to the chest wall with a diagnoses that the cancer cell had been killed. Two weeks later only to get the news the cancer has spread to her skin. We keep trying to find the good like "thank God it's not in any organs or the bones." However what her doctors won't say in front of me or maybe even her is that it's spreading at a very alarming rate. In my mind spreading that fast (2 weeks) and the medicine not working will I be here writing thanks for all the support but.... ? I'm scared to lose my mom it's been her and me all my life. No one lives forever but I'm only 33 and I want so badly for for to see her grand kids grow up. I don't like talks of what to do when she is gone. When she is gone.... Selfish but who will I call for advice when kids are sick or I just want to talk about nothing? I know she is being strong for me and I am trying to show that I am strong for her but really we are not fooling each other. She is in a lot more pain than she lets on in front of me and I know this because she takes a pain pill. She's not a pain pill popper type. Although I would give everything I have and don't have for my mom to be healthy and here I don't want her here in pain (does that sound right?). I don't know I'm trying to grasp reality and maybe writing it out here or starting a journal may help.