BC with Pre-existing Major Mental Illness - How Many?

Thank you, Athena.  I want to read your material in depth when I can, but the part that says that 'the population with both conditions is very small' may not be accurate.  When I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, they said that only 2-3% of the population had it, yet I had four friends with it and we only realized it when our church formed a recovery group and we all showed up!

I think it is more likely that the population with both conditions is just under reported. It's a shame really.

I truly appreciate your efforts to make some headway ...it's like slogging through honey...

I hope all of y'all are doing well during this holiday season.

God bless,

Angie

Hi Athena,

I know that you know Cindy, who has chosen not to go through any more bc treatment after a long process.  I think situations like that are pretty close to what you are talking about with regard to saying 'quality over quantity'.  Drs. believe us capable of making life and death decisions in the midst of the shock following diagnosis, yet they don't believe that we can make a rational decision when we are on an even keel!

Maybe there are treatment centers out there, mental health or cancer, that might have someone that could help us through these decisions with information and compassion, both.  Sometimes, different drs. are more concerned with the treatment than the patient. Then you get 'the treatment is a success, but the patient died' type of thing.

Every human being is deserving of the gift of being looked in the eye and SEEN - not seen through. To do so, acknowledges the common bond of humanity.  This bond says that we are all connected and implies a responsibility to help, if we can, someone who is in need.  That's what these boards are for - we come hurt and scared and others who have been where we are reach out and give us their strength until we are able to stand and give it to the next . . .

It is too much for most of us, though; this 'seeing' others as the same as us, if even remotely. We want to distance ourselves from anything that requires us to shift our paradigm of who we believe ourselves to be and especially, of what we have control over.  If we see a homeless person, we don't look them in the eye because we are afraid that they will want more from us than we want to give - and I'm not talking about money. They want to be acknowledged as a person, someone like us - of value as a human being.  Yet, we sometimes think that by not 'seeing' homelessness, mental illness, cancer, or whatever, it won't touch us - we're safe.  And we go on with our false sense of control. I think this is why people in our own families seem to turn away from us.  Their own powerlessness and vulnerability are exposed through their inability to 'manage' what is happening to us, and it can make some people very uncomfortable. So they distance themselves from whatever "it" is. Unfortunately, "it" is part of us.  There is no putting "it" at a distance without putting us there, too. Their discomfort wins out over any of our needs, and that causes more isolation and hurt and in the past, for me, a sense of shame for being so defective. 

I've experienced this with drs.  If they couldn't fix it, they, literally, would not look me in the eye.  They would just pass the ball and leave me feeling even more defective and objectified...my heart crying out for someone to care enough to SEE me, to acknowledge that the problem I had and the pain I was in were real and that the desperation I felt for me and my family was justified. I needed someone to commit to helping me.  When I DID find doctors like that in my life, the message it gave me was that I was worth the effort; that I had great value and was deserving of a life with joy and hope - it drew me back into the human family. One feels so alone sometimes.  That alone-ness isn't loneliness.  It is a sense of standing entirely alone, that there is no one like you; that who you are and what you are is unacceptable... unworthy.

WELL, I guess there is a 'little one' inside that wanted to be heard! The GOOD NEWS is that we are ALL precious; deserving of love, respect, acknowledgement and help when we need it.  I thank God for you, Athena, and others like you on this site that are willing to give of yourselves in an effort to help.  We each give what we can and sometimes, we may have nothing to give.  And when that happens, we must believe the truth about our worth because it is based on who we are--not what we do.

Well, I have kinda rambled, but I encourage all of us to try and honor those around us by truly 'seeing' them and having grace for them, for we don't know their story; and to have grace for our ourselves - we all fall short or someone's expectations. Usually, our own.

Peace and health to us all.

Your sister,

Angie

P.S. Grace is getting something you are underserving of; meaning you have not earned it and have no 'right' to it.  It is a gift - something freely given to ourselves or another. 

This Bi Polar and BC is like juggling two different things.  Psycst. wanted to add another drug to the mix and I ask did you see if it would intereact with Chem and he said no.  And I am not on it but now looking for a new Psycst.  I just feel like okay with comes more money into my pocket.  My hubby is on the approval list every year but his office is like 60 minutes away and can not take the time to send me the paperwork that they require.  Grrr-rr so frustrating.  I have to have my meds so I have to go to a med psycst. to get them. 

Everyone have a warmy-nice next two weeks. 

Hi - I am sooo glad to find this topic.  I am sorry about jumping in cold without reading the most current posts, but I'm feeling desparate today.  I have been getting sadder over the past two or three weeks and now I'm worried next time I see my psychiatrist we're going to have to raise my dose on effexor.  I feel really alone - I will bet you can all relate to that.  I was doing just fine until about two weeks after my surgery, and I have no idea if it's just the fact that I've been on effexor for only 7 months and my body has fully adjusted, or if it's the stress of having to cope with bc the past couple of months, and tearing myself in half trying NOT to tell everyone I couldn't care less about dying of cancer - there's a lot worse in the world, and for goodness sake what I have is probably pretty much curable anyway!  I've said that to my surgeon and my onc and my pschiatrist.  My surgeon and my onc were startled - and the surgeon did communicate with my psychiatrist, so I know she at least took me seriously. 

I don't like talking about being sad with my family - they're supportive but I really don't want to put stress on my best support group.  As far as I know, I don't have close friends that are like me - who have woken up every morning for years wishing they didn't have to be alive.  I have children and parents and a significant other who would probably be upset if I died.  I'm sorry if that was too much info, but I haven't felt this bad in awhile and I just wanted to say it.  I see my psychiatrist in a couple more weeks - and no, I'm not a danger to myself, just tired of holding in how lonely I feel.

Thanks Athena for starting this thread.  It is hard to read other people posting about their issues with breast cancer in other threads, but not feeling safe enough to express the fact that the impact on me seems to be different.  I'm supposed to start taking tamoxifen after we have the oncotype test back and decide about chemo - although today I feel like chucking the whole thing and telling everyone to leave me alone.  I doubt the cancer will come back and I hate taking pills.  The surgery was a piece of cake... now that I'm thinking about it specifically, it was the visit with the oncologist that really stressed me out and upset me.

Sorry!  I almost never reach out this way, but today I really need to, I just burst into tears.

Diana

Hi - thank you all for what you said.  Not only could I relate, but I got some supportive things that I'm going to focus on.  My bs made sure before the surgery that I was actually seeing my pdoc and I thought she was being too concerned when she said I might have trouble afterwards.  I felt pretty good leading up to it.  I keep forgetting - I've been on the pill 24 years with a couple years off of it here and there - I seem to remember thinking one of the benefits of being on it is it helps me mentally, all except for one or two days a month.  The day of my surgery my bs asked if I was still taking the pill and said to quit taking it.  That probably does have something to do with my mood - maybe I do need a higher dose of effexor or some other change.  I went a long time without taking antidepressants, until last spring I took a sudden turn into really negative and bitter thinking, and now I can't imagine not taking my "happy pill."  I'm scared not to.

So... it's good to be reminded that surgery itself can affect depression; I did not know that Tamoxifen might have mood effects and will ask about that; being depressed is not my "fault" and over time I've come to believe I really can't control it just by trying to be positive (although cognitive therapy techniques can be helpful) - so I need to make sure the pdoc knows what's going on and see what she can do.

And I need to ask her how to locate the "people like me" that my first-ever psychiatrist told me (when I was 17) were probably out there somewhere and hopefully I'd find them when I went off to college... (I didn't - I retreated home and it took me until about now to develop enough social skills to feel like I'm getting by ok most days).  Reaching out in person is hard, though.

Dunesleeper, I'm afraid of pain and hurting myself and therefore afraid of dying.  Everything you said sounds very familiar.  I finally decided I need to count on myself, too.  I'd like to give more, be useful outside my own small family and work - but that sounds exhausting.  So I count on myself, and accept help.  The past two months, for me, accepting help has been the best thing.  I hope you have help too.

Thank you guys, and peace.

I saw my oncologist last week and promised to try tamoxifen. My oncotype was 19 so I'm not doing chemo. I did feel better after my cry a couple weeks ago, but any time I am under much stress I am aware how much more afraid I am of depression than cancer. The onc said I can wait and talk to my pdoc before filling the tamoxifen prescription. That will be next week. 1Athena1, you are exactly right about what to find out from the pdoc... What if I start feeling really negative? I wish I had read your post again and some of the other stuff about tamoxifen I just read this afternoon, before my appointment last week. I would have asked about starting just 10mg per day instead of 20mg although it sounds like you can split the pills. Thank you for being here, it is good to find people who understand.

Athena, I fall somewhere between "consumer" and "am." I agree the consumer nonsense is the worst kind of rank newspeak. These are evil illnesses and there is no need to make light of that.

To me though, it is "has" and not "am." My brother has traits that predate the full onset of his illness and that have survived the repeated onslaughts of the illness, his sense of humor, for example, his artistic ability, his old-fashioned sense of style. He is essentially a nice and interesting person, and all of that is still there, 30 years into sketchily controlled psychosis. I find that impressive and it is why I tend to use "has" rather than "is." He is my brother, who has schizophrenia.

Man, was I ever happy to find this thread. I am Bipolar I, but I lean depressive. The meds I'm on have worked for me for 10 years. Of course, the dosage has been played with, but they work. Effexor XR, Lamictal, Wellbutrin. About a year ago, the pdoc suggested plant based progesterone. My depression always worsened before my period. It helped level me out. Now that I find out progesterone positive, I'm thinking I might have to stop the progesterone. What is that going to do to my mood?

I am so scared about my psych cocktail being messed up by the bc treatment.  What if they don't work right anymore? I don't know if I'm willing to chance it. I've been high functioning, and I don't want to lose that because of this crap disease.  Has anyone had their psych meds not work as well because of other bc meds?

Anyway, thank you for this thread. I'm glad you all get it.

Globalgirlygirl. This is only my experience. My bipolar had been fairly stable before BC. I have posted earlier in this that I really crashed during chemo and increased my Lamictal. I was assured it was more the extra stress than the meds interacting. I don't know about your type meds.

After I started on Tamoxifen I went downhill, my periods returned and so did my bipolar symptoms. I decided to go on Zoladex to shut my ovaries down and changed to Arimidex. I am 5 months out and doing a lot better, pretty stable again. I hope you find your balance. x

Sparky, it is a lot to cope with and extremely isolating on lots of fronts. You are definitely not alone, this site was literally a life saver for me. Big hugs.

Hi Athena. Sorry to hear about your progression. You have been a great support on this site and I am glad you are getting some from your family and friends. Hugs and good thoughts, Kylie x