What's your life like now?
This week marks two years since breast cancer stepped into my life. It's been two years with many ups and downs. Must admit my life has changed in many ways.
I am wondering how others feel physically at this point of their journey. I never dreamt I would still feel pain in the mastectomy area after two years. It's nothing terrible but it's always there....the tightness in the scar area, pain when I turn over while trying to sleep, pain in my shoulder.
And mentally, a day doesn't go by that I don't think about breast cancer and the chance of recurrence. How do you move on and get that black cloud over my head to move far far away?
Don't get me wrong...I am very grateful for my health. Breast cancer did point me in the right direction....I am trying hard to get more exercise in my life and to eat more healthy foods but that is a real challenge.
I look forward to hearing from others!!!
Blessings!
Comments
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Sheri Great idea for a thread.I am 4 years out and am feeling ok.Not back to normal but don't ever excpect to be.I still have alot of ribcage and joint pain.But a healthier diet and reg exercise seems to be helping.
My life now involves alot of traveling so I am always concerned about developing LE. That cloud you talked about is always there for me as well.
I guess the biggest change in my life is now I put myself first instead of just taking care of everyone else like I used to. Sounds selfish I know but it is working out well for me.
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Sheri this month marks two years since cancer stepped ito my life as well. Yes, my life has changed in so many ways. Now that that I am done with mx, chemo, reconstruction, revision I am starting to feel good in some ways better than I felt before.
If I had to pick the things that have helped me the most I would say: Exercise and Sleep. In the past I would exercise here and there but never consistenly. Now I exercise 5-6 days per week no matter what. I started when I was doing chemo. I treat it like taking a medication. It is amazing what the exercise does for my mind. I have changed my diet too.
The other thing is sleep. Before cancer I had a horrible time sleeping. I do not think I slept 8 hours for many years but now I do. I have made changes to my routines, for example I do not watch TV, because I found it distracts me, among other changes.
The results are that I feel stronger and more focused than ever before. I think what cancer did for me was kick me in the butt and force me to make those changes. The thought of recurrence pops in my head here and there but now I feel that I am doing everything in my power to stay healthy. The way I look at it is if it comes back, well, there is nothing else I could have done. Almost like an accident or something which I have no control over, therefore I worry less about it.
Have you considered physical therapy to help you with the tightness and discomfort? Hope you get some help so can feel better. Totally agree with mumito, sometimes it is easy to let everyone's needs to get ahead. Take care of yourself first.
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It's only been a year since my dx (September 15th) and I'll have another anniversary (BMX) on December 5th.
But I have to say that my BC dx saved my life in SO many ways!
I had major surgery (BMX w/TEs) but thankfully no chemo and no rads. Faced with the necessity of taking Arimidex for five years, I realized that being overweight and out of shape was just contributing to the problem.
In March 2012, I went on a very strict diet and exercise regime for the first time in my life. I've lost 56 pounds and more than 65 inches so far, and LOVE exercising! My diet (and DH's diet) has changed radically.
I used to take 12 different prescription meds daily. Now I take two: Synthroid and Arimidex.
I had severe fibromyalgia which has almost disappeared thanks to the gluten-free diet. My lab work showed rising blood sugar and cholesterol, and extremely high tryglycerides. Today all my lab work is normal.
My BS meter is very sensitive these days. I avoid psychodrama like the plague, and stress has no place in my life.
I feel like a strong healthy person (or I will, as soon as I get through the last effects of exchange surgery on August 22nd. The most irritating part of surgery for me is watching my noobs dance around every time I move my pecs. I should have had hula girls tattooed on them.)
I don't feel 62. I feel empowered. I feel like I can now have the kind of life I only dreamed about before breast cancer.
Do I worry about recurrence? Not really. My responsibility is to take care of my body and to listen to my MO. I feel like I've been given a second chance at life.
I recently read somewhere that "If you're not giving, you're taking." I'm a retired counselor, health educator, and freelance volunteer, most of which I gave up last year.
Now my charge is to find out where I fit in the world, and how I can give back in a meaningful way.
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Thanks for the replies...hoping to hear from more of you!
mumito.....I agree with what you said about "putting myself first". I tend to forget that at times.....
ilandmom...what kind of exercise are you doing? And yes, breast cancer does kick you in the butt big time. I aslo know I did everything I could to stop the cancer. Just wish my brain would realize that too!
Blessings2011....Congratulation on losing those 56 pounds. You must be so proud of yourself. Any hints you can pass along? And getting your prescriptions down to just 2 is amazing. Well done!
The other thing that bothers me is looking in the mirror. When I was first diagnosed, everything went so fast. I've been asked why I didn't have both breasts removed. That was never brought up by my surgeon. Now I wonder if I should looked into that......
Wishing you all a peaceful night.....
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Dear Sheri,
Your post made me think back to when I was 2 years out... BC was constantly in my thoughts... I felt like I had a new mindset and that BC clouded every decision. Every time I had a happy moment, I wondered if I'd have more. I felt guilty if I did not eat exactly "right" or exercise daily. Time has healed much of that... a couple of things that finally helped me focus on other things were moving into a different home and starting a new career. Also having some good friends who had similar battle.
It is 7 years this month since I found the 2 lumps.... I still think about BC and possibly having recurrence and even about dying... but less and less. I have had the privilege of watching our kids grow and now my oldest is in college and my youngest in 5th grade. I now teach physical therapy assistant program at a local tech college and each October I share my story with my students. Tomorrow at 8AM I'll share my story with them... each year the story feels less "emotional." My main message to the students is to LIVE life-- to take chances, to be a little silly and crazy, and to care for others.... I'm a different person than I was before BC. I don't care as much about what people think. I don't feel obligated to do things I don't want to do. I feel I have more compassion. I know this life is short and I hope to help made life better for others. I have hope for the future... I have looked death in the face and through faith am less afraid of dying.
Wishing you and the other wonderful ladies here the very best.... I don't come here often anymore... that is also a big change. I used to visit daily.
Wishing you peace,
Wendy
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The first year of active treatment I totally avoided Mirrors so my lack of hair and sickly pallor from chemo would not depress me.It worked so well even now I have to remind myself to check my appearance in a mirror before I run out the door.
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Thank you Wendy....your words touched my heart!
I think my "head" still has a lot of healing to do....but I will get there!
All the best!
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I love this topic. I want to be in a better state of mind and am working on it. But it's hard to move past the worry. It will be one year since my UMX on Oct 11. I was already exercising every day so that hasn't changed but what I do need to still change is stress. Stress from work is a big one. Lately I've been thinking about that a lot and trying to come up with a plan. I am trying to do mindfull meditation to help with the worry. I'm looking into yoga to reduce stress.
Hopefully in a year I will check back in and report I've made some changes. :-)
Just hearing your stories and knowing it's possible to look back one, two years or more and feel ok is an inspiration.
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It has been 2 years since my DX and I am doing pretty good I still get a little emotional this time of the year but I look at my life and feel truly blessed . My 2 1/2 year old granddaughter lost a kidney to cancer 6 months ago and I hope to live long enough to go to her wedding
That is my goal in life .Nancy
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This year started with me finding a lump in my breast. The following months went quickly with endless doctor appointments, surgeries and lots of tears. However the blessings and well wishes combined with endless thoughtful acts of kindness made me feel incredibly blessed. But in spite of a great outcome I still struggle with fears, depression ( I am not a normally depressed at all ) and outright anger over having cancer. I wonder if I made the right choices, did I move too quickly, did I choose the right doctor ( BS not PS) and now that I have lymphadema what should I do now. In other words, 99 percent of people forget that I even had a bmx. My kids certainly do not treat me any different ( not that I want them too) but some days I feel so bummed and then I beat myself up because I think I am not grateful for all the good things I have received in this life. So I am hoping the rollercoaster of emotions will calm down and the cancer will be a small bump in my road of life.
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Interesting that I came upon this post today. I was asking myself some of these questions. I'm in Baltimore right now and had my 3D nipple tatts done by Vinnie Myers today. I'm thrilled with the results and I'm crushing on Vinnie, he's just a really great guy.
Anyway, on the ride back to the hotel I thought to myself it's all done. I'm done with this process, everything is complete. I guess I thought I'd feel more of a sense of relief. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy this is over but part of me is wondering what's next. Not necessarily physically but just for my life in general.
Does that make sense? My 1 year is coming up in November. I was diagnosed 11/11/11.Freaky date, I know. This last year has gone quickly. Dx in Nov, bmx in Dec, exchange in March. I've been fortunate to be spared rads and chemo. The year has been a year of waiting for surgeries, planning, appointments. This cancer thing has been so consuming. Part of me wonders what to do now that all of it over.
I'm healthier now than I have been in years. I exercise everyday and have lost 32 pounds. I'm eating healthier, not perfect and am just trying to live and enjoy life. I still think about having cancer and the possibility of recurrence almost everyday. I hope that changes. Sometimes the whole thing seems surreal though and I stop and think geez, I really had cancer. I try not to dwell on the what ifs. I think right now the emotion of being done and the 1year mark coming up is just bringing it all back to the surface. I said to someone that I think the physical part to this can be easier in a way to deal with than the mental and emotional aspects. I've done really well with the physical. The emotional has been harder. Hopefully over time that will change.
Sorry for rambling. It's been an emotional day. Take care all and be well. -
I'm still considered a newbie- just one year out.
One thing I can say is that breast cancer is currently on the back burner in my life, BUT that is only because lymphedema is flaming on the front. Unlike BC, LE is chronic and lifelong (and has the potential to be extremenly serious as does BC) It must be dealt with daily so there are no ' days off'.
I have 'met' dozens of amazing women on the LE forum- fabulous and courageous. I cannot speak for all ( or really any!) of them, but no mater how good they get at dealing with it, I believe it remains a front burner issue. ... unlike breast cancer that has not recurred or mets. Of course there is always that concern...for all of us, but I find most women say after 5, 6, 7 ....yrs, it does dissipate some when it comes to BC. The more clean mammos the more sighs.
Be careful ladies- know your LE risks as we ALL have them.
I hope for a cure for all this crapfor all of us .
In the meantime, we live a healthy lifestyle & try to maintain a good attitude. Some days are easier than others- all are worthwhile.
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As far as mentally moving on, for me it was a slow process. It gets better each and every year. I'm almost to my ten year mark and I rarely think about bc and the fear is basically gone. You all will get there.
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StefS......ten years..... lots more ten years ahead of you. How long did it take you mentally to move forward ...still struggle sometimes....3.5 years for me Kaza xxx
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One year for me, no reconstruction but desperately want it, struggling and hate my physical state...........
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Lily55.....so so early days for you, take one day at a time. where are you at regarding reconstruction...sending you a hug xxx
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I'm not quite to the two-year mark and find I'm having a harder time doing the things that last year seemed most important - increasing exercise, eating right, giving up my glass of wine. I'm not sure if it because I'm further away from all the surgeries and doctor's appoiontments or I've just gotten busy with all the "non-cancer" parts of my life. As I hit my two-year mark, I plan to take some time for reflection and get this figured out so I can get back on track and keep this cancer at bay.
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They said only latdorsi available and i am not suitable for that as do not have any lat dorsi tissue! So the answer is nowhere, I don´t even know if it is possible but if it can be done it seems I will have to pay for it and no idea how......I am having a really bad day
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Lily55...sending you a PM message xx
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4 years out for me. My mammogram tomorrow. Still struggle mentally as I am triple negative, and convinced it will return, just when I don't know. Great to hear from those of you who have progressed onwards and upwards from this blot on our landscapes. Lily55 my thoughts are with you. I had a lumpectomy, now lopsided! And the lump boob can still be painful.
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zuzeee... will be thinking of you tomorrow....xx
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Thank you Kaza. My thoughts at present are focused on visiting that hospital again and all the memories. Will probably have to wait a few days for results as they never have 2 radiologists present to read the mammogram. It is a form of mental torture!
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zuzeee....I have mammo next monday...i am anxious about it...the only way i can handle it is to think well if they find something, hopefully it will be early and treatable....if i dont think this i feel overwelmed, plan a little treat for yourself tomorrow after mammo . I know what you mean about returning to hospital again, i think as time goes on it may become easier i mean a little more distant......if only we could erase the memories we no longer want, i will be thinking of you, sending positive cyber hugs, xx keep us posted.
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Kaza, my thoughts will be with you for your mammo on Monday. What bugs me about this disease it seems to strike without rhyme or reason. When you read about all the ages, different lifestyles, diets, drinking habits and smoking etc.. I cannot perceive a common thread. Will be very interesting to see the results when they finally identify the cause. I believe it is genetic but there must be a trigger? When I was diagnosed at 55 I was the fit, doing triathlons etc..had a good diet, did not over indulge in wine, was an ex smoker, gave up 10 years prior to diagnosis. Now I think well if I was fit and healthy then I might as well have treats now, so drink wine and have put on 14 pounds and nowhere near as fit and now mentally anguished!!
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zuzeee......i agree there has to be a trigger, as you say if we were fit and careful before dx and still got it!!!!!there is something else causing these cells to change, i feel stress for me was part of it....plus family history, a gene they have not yet found.
I was 49 at dx i had been on HRT for two years pior to dx, it will be four years on the 18th of July, had surgery Oct 09, i had LD reconstruction not a good result, permanent nerve pain.
We are about yhe same time frame, mentally it is a struggle sometimes, its a control thing for me, not that i am a control freak, i just like to know things, with this there is so many unknowns....sort of like we are in limbo.
I like you have treats, blow it , love chocolate ,
I will be with you today, in that pocket, snuggled up in the corner, remember have a little treat after.....keep us updated xx
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Kaza, very interesting. I have no family history of breast cancer, I did not have HRT and to my knowledge did not have any major stress prior to diagnosis. My job was demanding but i managed it okay, was at the gym at 6 am every other morning, maybe that was stressful!!, But WOW since diagnosis and treatment major stress, mother had a heart attack, nursed her, nursed my father he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed away 4 months later. My partner had an affair with a girl in Australia, so that was the end of that relationship. My lifestyle is on a dairy farm in a small rural town, clean air, fresh stream water, local vegetables eg not imported, grass fed meat off our own family farm. I played golf at least twice a week.
At my district health centre the chief surgeon advises and does only lumpectomies if less than a 3 cm tumor. In NZ we have a public health care system which is great but
choice is not offered. I find it fascinating to read of all of the alternative options that are
offered in the USA. Mine was surgery, chemo then rads.
I did go to 4 sessions of free counseling to cope with my anger after it was all over, a year after diagnosis, March 2009. So if stress kicks it back in? Watch this space.
Kaza sorry to hear about your constant nerve pain. Yes chocolate was on my menu tonight, yum.
Very interested to hear how others have changed their lifestyle and thoughts. Will keep you updated with results. The hospital carpark will be my first major stress test tomorrow morning, it is a nightmare of a carpark, Waikato hospital in Hamilton, New Zealand. -
My mammogram tomorrow.
Good luck to you, zuzee....hoping you get the all clear! -
zuzeee.....purple32.....thinking of you both...kaza xxxxxx
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Zuzee, sending hugs...... Purple hang in there....
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Am still waiting for results!! Went to medical center and they gave me last years, nuts. Still waiting for a radiologist to read them. Will keep you updated. Any news Purple?
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