Depression after Mastectomy

cwillie, I wish I had words of wisdom to share.  All I can say is for me, I am able to avoid the dispair and depression as long as I can manage to keep my pain under control.  I feel worse emotionally when I'm in a lot of pain so I have to keep close watch my pain cycle and anticipate when the meds wear off.  Being home alone also make my life worse.  I love it when my husband gets home at the end of the day. I feel less lonely and less alone fighting this battle. I hope you can continue to stay busy and engaged in life. But also know that you're entitled to feel depressed.  You've just been through a traumatic surgery.  My wishes for better days.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. I really do feel like I was/am coping with a form of post traumatic stress disorder after the mastectomy. It wasn't "just" the mastectomy, it is facing fears, tests and more tests, hearing I had cancer...it is just so much to cope with.

Certainly keep talking to a doctor about this and it seems you are because you upped your meds...and post here, talk about it as much as you need to.

I would be lost without this board...

yes it does.



I was in this dark place a few weeks ago. increased my exercize, that has helped. try to get out every day. take walks. listen to some upbeat music.

Cwillie - I wish I could give you a REAL {{{{{hug}}}}}, but for here, I'm afraid this virtual one will have to suffice. I -- and sooooo many of our fellow BC sisters -- know SO well similar sentiments, as I have myself. I, for one, am in a bind where my BS and MO he referred me to differ with one another (after I had a BMX) as to whether I need rads - or not. I no longer see that MO (going to see a MUCH better one next week), who told me (look at my DX!) that 10 yrs out, he can only give me a 85% survival rate (and that, incl 5 yrs on Arminidex & Tamoxifen!). When I saw the RO he referred me to (who of course thinks I need rads!), I sat in his office, had my 1st meltdown, and cried like a baby! I'm refusing rads for many reasons (margins were clear, 0 BC in the nodes, etc.) Like chemo, rads (IMO & research tells me) these are BOTH an "overkill."

Since I'm on STD for another week before going back to work, I went to my library and got several good (funny) titles (they're free!) and worked on creating a great "Music To Beat BC By" playlist on my PC's iTUNES app for my iPOD! Some great books I've read ("Unbroken" by Laura Hillenbrand & "Man's Search For Meaning" by Viktor Frankl) were both great reads, read at a time in my life when my psyche MOST needed a "shot in the arm."

Ladies on these boards have been just great: full of encouragement, information, courage and inspiration (as well as a handy ear to cry on!) Hardest part for me? I was a die-hard walker/jogger/swimmer/health club groupie until night before my BMX. And NOT being able to do the level I was at before, especially with those 4 dam* JP drains in the way like 4 remoras on a shark!, really took a toll. But, I'll get there again - slowly.  And you will, too!

Before I left my job for STD, 1 of the gals in the med center I work at (herself a UMX and recon BC sister) gave me a journal that almost all the folks in the center signed, 1 on a page, with lots of encouragement & words of comfort, given to me "to read and re-read when my days are heavy and the nights are long." I treasure that with my life (as I'm sure you do, too, with all the cards and well-wishes I'm sure you've received).

I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers, wishing you ever the best... we WILL survive this, together!

I am so very sorry you are dealing with depression.  Surgery of any kind can certainly envoke/provoke this even more so.  I hope you can find someone to meet with and talk to and help you through the dark times.

For me, I had really large breasts and honestly, having them gone did not impact me immediately.  Dh told me I looked younger and less matronly with a flatter chest and I knew that I had done a lot towards reducing the risk of the cancer coming back (knock on wood). 
Do I get wistful for my breasts now and then--OF COURSE!  They were a very sexual part of me.  I miss them.We all deal with stress, anxiety, worry in different ways...I don't focus much on this part of the experience.  If I live to be an old, old lady and die from something else, this will have been well worth it.  I have to remind myself that is why I did it.

Not sure if it is "easier" for me because I had both removed and don't have the reminder of my pretty, healthy breast.  The diagnosis itself can put you in a tailspin, so give yourself time, tenderness, professional guidance and you will come out of the angst.

Best to you!

I hear you.  I had been quite depressed as a child and teenager. However, I felt better after having my children. Lately since BC though I can't sleep. Go thru binge eating and gain too much weight. Then get very depressed and dont eat for 3 or 4 days. I had been given meds at one time but they made me too dizzy to function. I talked to so many psychologists and none of them seem to be able to help me figure out what to do to feel better. I have been more depressed than usual with mother's day and my mom passed away a couple of yrs back from ovarian cancer. My fiance has been in Napa Valley visiting relatives for a mth. I got upcoming surgery in July  so I hear you. You gotta figure out what makes you feel better. Its different for everyone of us. The worst part for me is the insomnia and the lack of motivation. Its 1 in the afternoon before I can get myself motivated to get things done.

Some of it is very physical. I know the lack of energy in the past for you has stemmed from depression but right now, it's probably your body telling you to give it rest & let yourself recover from this very invasive surgery. You're only 3 weeks out. I think at 3 weeks I was just starting to function a bit day to day, as in shower and microwave food and tentatively drive very short distances. After a month or so I was able to do a bit more but it wasn't until 6-8 weeks post surgery that I felt like I was returning back to normal, able to do most things, and had some of my energy back. And if you had chemo first you need to recover from that too & it may take even longer for your strength & energy to fully return. It sounds like you expect yourself to have totally bounced back by now, but I don't think that's possible with MX! 

C. willie, apparently we are normal cause like I said,its lunch before I feel motivated. Depression is better but comes & goes,they have not offered me anything but talking to some psychologist.

thank you for this suggestion re: exercise.     I had a double mastectomy in May, 2103.  Did okay while I had all the "work" to do to get back to work and all, butnow am experiencing a lot of "is that all there is?"    exercise may help...

Hello Ladies! I am 3weeks & 3days since surgery. Everyday it seems there is some of the same pain or something new that hurts. Most recent is a spot that feels like my ribs under the breast area maybe where the drainage tubes were? My PS had 4 tubes, 2 on each side, 2 came out after first week but they took out one that was draining the most on the left side by accident it continued to fill up and they would remove fluid with a needle. Dr. said that the other tube would pick up where that left off but it didn't..... and they removed more with a needle 2 more times. The next week when they removed the final 2 tubes and I thought that I was going to feel so much better... (that didn't help like I had hoped) they removed more fluid with a needle because of the extra swelling. This past Wednesday first day they fill he had to still remove more fluid they are not sending it of to make sure it isn't infected. I asked why one side was doing this and the answer was it was the cancer side and had the biopsy done so it had been through much worse. How do we keep them even, he will just add more CC's to the other one. As for depression, I am a VERY happy person by nature and I didn't want to fall into this category. But I have found some days where I say I am tired of putting on the happy face for everybody. I have a Motto "you can't worry about things you can't control" but this just gets to you. I have amazing friends and have been selective about who I share it with..... not quite sure why, because it could help someone else. I did share this link onFB but didn't say why..... just to READ IT! http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/09/09/220652531/why-younger-women-could-benefit-from-mammograms-after-all    Do you find it easy to tell friends?  I am very outgoing an active and get cabim fever even on rainy days so this is really tough. I may do more than I should but I don't have a off button. Does the feeling of an underwire bra cutting into describe what you feel? I also had 3 lymph nodes removed on left and 2 on right side but the left side has a ligament or something cord like in the center of armpit when I lift it. Can only go half way before that stops me with the pain and at times I have stabbing pains there too. Dr told me to exercise it, that it should loosen up. Has anyone experienced this? If so has it gotten better? I am sorry any one of us are going through this and for others who have or may in the future.  BTW I wonder if there are any males that read this to shed some light from their viewpoint. Maybe to see what we are going through but I know my Great Boyfriend (he is been amazing) in sickness and in health?? well we are doing the sickness....  Anyway I know this effects him too. I know he has the job to get him away from this..... and tonight he went off with a buddy for a few hours & yes he would do this once every couple of months before this happen but now I know he needs it more, not his words but mine. I want to know how he is feeling about all of this. When I first heard the results he was with me and we have talked about how we both feel..... but does he feel safe really sharing with me what he is thinking? My first thoughts were about him and my Mom whom I take care of.... she is 81 and still lives alone but no longer drives, that was my biggest struggle not about me but about them and the impact it would have on them.  OK I have gone on long enough.  Be Strong! or Cry if you need to!!

Crystalphm

Thanks so much.... when you know that others experience these uncomfortable and painful feelings it makes it easier to understand that this is somehow normal....

When you said.... around 4 weeks is I had 6 sessions with a physical therapist who was also trained in Lymphedema..... does that help with this bra duct tape feeling? Or the airmpit? The bra stabbing me is the worst. It is mainly just the left side that has the most discomfort. There are times I just want to rip this stuff out it is digging in. So true one day at a time.... tomorrow is the 4 week mark.

hi...I am 9days past my mastectomy, and depression has just hit me hard.  Immediately following surgery I was good...thankful for a good diagnosis.  (Four sentinel node biopsies came back negative.). Now I'm still in pain, feel guilty about taking the narcotics, and just plain tired of people telling me how lucky I am. ...although compared to other Dxs I am.  Am I selfish?