getting dumped during radiation therapy

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anastasiab
anastasiab Member Posts: 8
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

I was in a relationship for a year and a half with a man who had issues with his adult children(in hindsight, he's a senior vp for a large bank who also has control issues).  Right before I started rad therapy (for mastectomy d/t DCIS and Invasive carcinoma in two separate areas), he announced via text he had doubts about the relationship and then a week later called to "lower the boom" and dump me yet again.  I'm devestated and feel he did this at the most inopportune time.  How does one recover any kind of self esteem in this situation or do you not and suck it up?  How do I move forward, thinking if he didn't find me attractive enough (smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough) to stay with me, who will?  I know others have been through this, I'll take any and all advice....I have 3.5 weeks or rads left and then possibly 2 months before reconstruction.  The thought of feeling like this for the next 3 months is making me want to commit myself (seriously).  Please help

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  • Lizardbeth1968
    Lizardbeth1968 Member Posts: 21
    edited May 2013

    It doesn't feel like it now, but you'll know he did you a big favor when down the road you meet your soul mate.  Think about it, this man is NOT a good person and thankfully he let you see that before you god forbid married him or something. I know how much it hurts to lose someone because of cancer,  I lost a BFF, myself. Personally, I found that writing a letter telling that person what you think of them helped so much and I was finally able to let it go.

    (((hugs)))

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited May 2013

    Dear AnastasiaB,

    Mr Bigshot Banker is the one with the problem, NOT you!? Control issues? What gives him that right? Run the other way as fast as you can! Don't let him ruin your self-esteem, please. Agree 100% with Lizard about him not being a good person, and being quite cold actually to leave you at this stage in your treatment. What does that say about him? He does not care. You are way better off without him, and you deserve so much more. You are a beautiful woman, and once you are getting past treatment, and back to your normal life, you will meet somebody who is worthy of you. Lots of other men will find you attractive, smart, pretty and funny because you are all those things, believe me. This banker is too self-absorbed/selfish to appreciate your good qualities, or anybody else's. Controlling people hardly ever admit that they have this (or any other) problem for that matter. He's not going to change. Cut your losses - or in this case it is more count your blessings that he's gone -  and take care of yourself. Your own wellbeing is much more important at this stage. Gather your genuine friends and family around you now, and let them take care of you. They are the ones who truly love you. ((((BIG HUGS!!!))))

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  • anastasiab
    anastasiab Member Posts: 8
    edited May 2013

    Liefie and Lizardbeth1...  Thank you so much for your honest and heartfelt replies.  I have copied them and carry them with me as a reminder of the good in life from the support of kindred spirits such as yourselves, close friends who love mer and as a reminder of the bullet I dodged.

    (((BIG HUGS!!!)))

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited May 2013

    AnastasiaB, I want to wish you the best for the rest of your rads, and also for the reconstruction that will follow. Take time to heal, and to be really good to yourself. It is so good to see you taking charge of your situation, and no longer a victim of your circumstances. You can do it, and yes, you have indeed dodged a bullet. You go, girl! Hope you get spoiled by those close friends!

    Hugs again!

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  • miss-marsha
    miss-marsha Member Posts: 28
    edited May 2013

    Anastasiab,

    I agree with Liefie and Lizardbeth1! I'm SO sorry that you had to find out during what is probably the roughtest time in you life. That you wasted that much time with some Jackass!Frown

    YOU are a beautiful Woman and you will find love again and will be wiser when it comes. I'm a spiritual person ( not a bible thumper)

    I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and when God takes something away in our lives, it is only to make way for something better! One thing for certain that you will learn during this time is, who your true friends really are and who really loves! InnocentThose people will not let you go through all of this alone.

    I hope you will let this be a time of healing, not just your body but also your mind and soul. When you come out on the other side you will be stronger, wiser, healthy and with no doubt in your mind who will be there for you during the worst parts of life.

    You may also have a better understanding of who you are. And what kind of Man will meet the criteria that YOU need a man that is worth your precious time, to meet. You may find you've changed a great deal and Banker guy would have never fit the new you anyway!

     Sending you gentle hugs,peacful vibes and some of my......Girl! F--- that guy,he's got no backbone anyway, attitude! Wink                                                                            Marsha

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  • gonegirl
    gonegirl Member Posts: 1,871
    edited May 2013

    Geez. That guy is a total loser and unworthy of you. You, and all of us, deserve a partner who will stick around for the good and the bad. This man was weak and unkind. You deserve better. Time for some Haagen Daz, a massage, and some good old fashioned good riddance.

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  • anastasiab
    anastasiab Member Posts: 8
    edited May 2013

    liefie, lizardbeth1, gritgirl, miss-marsha and kayb,

    you words have gone a long way in helping me heal.  I realized you're all right, I do deserve better.  I need to realize the resources I have available, all of whom are a fabulous group of women and two strangely great sons, and I need to focus on these things.  Kayb, I will read that book, as I love to read.  Another upside to this is I have found a great support system on here amongst great woman.  (((HUGS))) to all of you

    Kelley

    xoxoxoxoxo

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