DIEP 2013

Hi, Gini.  I'm just curious--was it modesty on your part, or your fear that your daughter would be traumatized by the view of your breasts?

I come from a pretty open, immodest family, even though I would turn DOWN the opportunity for nekkid Japanese hot springing.  We run around fairly uncovered a lot.  One of my boys (who, to be fair, is a physician) wanted to see everything at every stage of the way and I was just fine with it.  The other son, who would have fainted at the sight of a post-surgical drain, wanted very much to NOT see anything, and I was fine with that, too.

As a nurse, I've discovered that what people imagine is always worse than reality.  Sometimes it's best in small doses, like a mom holding a stillborn baby and initially just seeing the little hands with most of the newborn swaddled in blankets.  But then, gradually, the rest is OK.

I spent twenty years as a flight nurse, and there were a lot of sights I would not have wanted my husband or boys to see.  But my breasts?  Sure, fine, if you want to; they're just surgically altered and it was done to save my life.  Again, you know your daughter and you know best, but I bet what she's imagining is a lot worse than what's there.

Selizabeth,



Beautiful and well said. This is my second go round and this time I will shave my head before it falls out and sport my cute earrings and fierce attitude. Children will respond in what they see modeled.



Don't mistake me, cancer royally sucks. It may take me from my kiddos early but while I'm here, they will have a helluva mamma.

Thanks for all the congrats!  I was having a tough time breathing, just walking in the house..main incentive.

 Sbelizabeth.  I could go ahead with both together, but honestly don't think that I could take that long a surgery. Plus, recovery time, extra drains.  I still am having a lot of trouble wrapping my mind around having to do the mastectomy.  I honestly thought the lumpectomy would work. Also, my surgeon not a big fan of same day recon...says that I need to concentrate on getting past this first and was concerned because I was working myself into a migrane every evening trying to cram so much information diep/inplants..when ...what kind...etc..into only two days. So, Im going to wait for just a bit.But no longer, Im like Dyvgrl..I cant see myself walking around a long time without breast.  I'm not sure about radiation but if I have will only be to my lymphs and my PS says that he can work with that.

LMO.....you sound FANTASTIC! Don't overdue things, but you sure sound like you've got this well under control! I don't doubt you'll tackle chemo with the same strength and courage.

Cherrie-- hope you're feeling better day by day after your surgery

Peacelovesdogs and weerah-- thinking of you and your surgery tomorrow. Check in when you're up for it!

Lmo45- sounds like things are rolling along. As nihahi said, I'm sure you'll tackle chemo with the same strength as you've done so far with this BC stuff. I started tamoxifen last week, so I'm just holding my breath about these side effects to see when they show up.





So I've got Stage 2 scheduled for June 24 in the afternoon--- which means a super duper crabby me for fasting prior to surgery (the DH will be in for it). I'm debating on how long to take off for that surgery. I took 5 weeks off work and worked from home the past three (more of a mental break from the office than a physical need) for Stage 1. Into the office tomorrow physically for the first time in two months....wonder how many folks will be staring at my tummy boobs... maybe I should go to the office with one of those "of course they're fake the real ones tried to kill me" shirts.

My chemo nurses told me my hair would begin to fall out two weeks after my first treatment, and they were right to the day.  So after the treatment, I went and got a really short haircut, the kind I'd always thought about but never had the courage to try.  I loved it the airy, girlish coolness of it, and somehow it made the next "haircut day" easier.

Katy-

Thanks so much for the reassuring words. My oldest daughter is graduating this week - and for mothers day she wrote me the sweetest note on Facebook. She said she looked up to me and that I was the strongest woman she knows. I'm glad that she gets it. We've even picked out short hair styles and hats for the eventuality of losing my hair. She takes the stance that it's just hair, it grows back - and is having fun helping mom be a little more stylish! My little one is just young and doesn't understand what must be done, she'd rather just stamp her feet and hope she gets her way lol. I did find out my genetic test came back negative for the BRCA mutation so I'm thrilled and relieved to have that bit of good news for me and my girls. All I can do is hang tough and make the best choices for me - and they will roll with it. I'm sure alot of it is adjusting to the idea that mom has cancer. She isn't accustomed to being so out of control of a situation - so this will be a good lesson for her to roll with whatever life throws her and just keep swimming. Whining and crying get you nowhere (although it does feel good on occasion!) Glad you are heading back to work - I'm concerned about the amount of time I will have to take off. Just alot of wait and see!

Thanks, Nihahi.  There isn't one of us who hasnt had what I call "the shivers," when we are scared of the future, think of dark and frightening scenarios, or have just had it with the pain, fatigue, and interruption to our lives.  I've had, and still occasionally get, the shivers, though not so often now as when I was just starting this journey through cancerland.

But sisters, we keep on marching, don't we?  We dry our eyes, pick up the burden we're carrying at the moment, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Yay, us!

I'm standing upright with shoulders back, now, and it doesn't pull on the abdominal incision.  I just have to remind myself to maintain good pusture!  I'm going to Walmart today to hunt down a better compression garment.  I'd like to have the support when I got back to work next week.  Sigh.  I'm getting so accustomed to this life of leisure!

Dear CKMoss, I so hear you about not wanting that mastectomy that you're getting tomorrow. Was exactly the same with me, same with everybody here, but the question is . . . your breast(s) or your life? It's a no-brainer. Still sucks, I know. All I can say is a year out I never think about the old breast any more, not sad about losing it any more, it simply does not matter any more. It tried to kill me, and had to go. It is okay and normal for you to feel sad at this stage, and to mourn the loss of your breast. You are human after all! You will get to a place of peace and acceptance eventually. Will be thinking of you tomorrow, and sending positive, healing vibes your way.

((((BIG HUGS!!!)))) 

LMO, you are doing great - it gives me courage.

Dvygirl, humour is the only way I got through this to where I am today. Laughter is the best medicine, even for cancer. Hahahaaaa!!!

This time next Tuesday I will be on the operating table and 2 hours into surgery - feeling excited and a little apprehensive. Whatever. Bring it on so it can be over! Just booked a hotel in Victoria for Monday night. Have to check into the hospital at 6 am, and I'm first on the OR list at 8 am. Will take 5 - 6 hours. DH staying with me till Thursday morning. He and DD will then come and get me on Friday or Saturday, and we'll go home, a three hour drive. Will take lots of pillows for that.

Nihahi, that ROM takes its own sweet time. Don't push too hard. I know that down feeling - nothing gets me down quicker than the feeling that I will not physically be able to do something, or that my body will not recover fully from a trauma. For me feeling strong physically is directly related to feeling well mentally, and having confidence in my abilities. That's why I exercise . . . Hang in there, sister! I'm sure it will come with time and patience.

Nihahi,



Did your PS explain why he chose to use your axillary vessels versus using your IMA-Internal Mammary Arteries on both sides of your sternum to connect your DIEP flaps like the majority of doctors do?



Do you have heart issues? The IMAs are the "go to" arteries for cardiac surgeons to harvest for open heart coronary artery bypass surgery. They can also use leg veins or radial artery, but the IMAs hold up longer for bypass.



I believe I read when the DIEP first was performed back in 80s?, that the axillary vessels were used first until discovery that IMAs were better option.



Your own anatomy may have made him decide after imaging?



Either way, your breasts came out great. Ive had ROM issues since my first surgery so I know it takes diligence and a great PT who preferably worls most with cancer and BC patients.



Blessings!

Hi Ladies-about the hair loss. I am very fortunate in that I never needed chemo, but a woman in my town did and she told me that there is a cold cap available that she ordered from Italy. I believe that she wore it while receiving the actual chemo. It would freeze the hair follicles so that the chemo would not affect them. She never lost her hair during the entire process. I don't know if anyone has heard of this.

I wanted to mention that my lowered incision looks amazing. It is a thin line and all the bumpies are gone. Also, while incision was open she pulled up my saggy hooha area. I look good. My small about of necrosis was jet sprayed and I can already feel the difference. My breasts look fantastic. Small fat grafting issues in the fall and I should be done. I am looking and feeling great.

I know Nihahi. What a difference a couple of days can be. Now, if only the Miralax would do its job!!

Ladies....wow!  I love to come on here after a few days and catch up......everyone seems to be plugging along, and that in itself is so affirming to me, and it should be comfort to those who are still facing this procedure.  I am so grateful that DIEP was an option for me.....it has given me my life back!  (Well, I need a few tweaks and revisions, but nothing too major...)  For CK-we have all been in your shoes.....eventually you pass the "mourning" stage, and then you begin to appreciate how this procedure might not be so bad after all.....Sure, we all wish this was a road we didn't have to travel, but here we are, and we do, just like Sbelizabeth said, putting one foot in front of the other.....we're warriors, and we are in control....the cancer does not control us!

I heard a vicious rumor (Sbelizabeth) about nekkid Japanese hot springing??????? Hah!  I am immodest only around people I have to be around....I'll never see these people again, so it's all good!  And the BF is relegated to the men's pool, so will just be my daughter and I.  I really, really want to do it, but will be seeking permission from PS, just to be safe.  If it causes life-long trauma amongst the natives because I have no nipples (yet), well, that's their problem!  I just hope the PS gives me a pass!

Cherrie, glad to hear you are feeling better!  That's encouraging.  Heaven and Cuetang.....sort of jealous that you are beating me back in to do Stage 2......but the delay is allowing me to visit Japan, so it's okay.

Nihahi!  You got the flowers to post!  Yay!  Hope you get some answers on the ROM stuff.  No fun!

Peacelovedogs and Weerah-thinking of you as you begin your journey to cross to the "other side" of DIEP.  Blessings and serenity in your courageous decision.  In your pockets tomorrow!

Did I miss the discussion on Angelina Jolie?  I'll just say I am glad to see someone in the public eye address mastectomy in such a positive light....if it gets the conversation going, and saves just one life, it is worth it!

Love you all, my special DIEPer friends!  You inspire and encourage every day!  Thank you for being here, for all of us. 

"TOWANDA!"

Namaste and God bless - Jackie

lilyun... about cold caps. I looked into it, but my oncologist didn't want me doing it. When BC metastasizes, one place it can go is the scalp. And when you use cold caps, you are preventing the chemo from reaching the scalp. So why go through 6 rounds of chemo, keep my hair and not reap the full benefits of chemo. I would totally kick myself to the curb if I used the caps and later developed scalp mets. Not to mention the expense of the caps and its rather uncomfortable. I can't remember the cost now, but I believe it would have cost me about $1500. You rent them and have to have enough to change them every 20 minutes. They are kept on dry ice and you need a couple of people to get them on. I had my chemo and lost my hair and now two years later have a lot of hair... Its quite long as well.