So...whats for dinner?

That SOB won't give up, Liver is still a piece of SHIT but stable, kidneys have improved, platlet are dangerouly low, 15,000. Normal is 100,000 and over. He is so jaundice his color is in between a lemon and an orange, more alert at times but still in VERY VERY serious condition. He will have a CT scan tomorrow to see if there is any internal bleeding. If he stays stable they are talking rehab. He is still an asshole to me so I am sorry to say this, and I was told this is normal for me to say this but I don't know if I want him home. Sorry   He has been in the hospital since April 20th.

Okay, okay, I broke my own no avocado rule and made and ate guacamole with a friend who stopped in to visit today. I guess I will calm down and be on the low end of moderate with them.



Special, your party spread sounds delectable....and I do love excess, as do you!

Thanks for the info on the statin. I'M only takng 10 mgs, and I bet with my current diet and recent exercise regimen, I would possibly not even need it. But my docs seem to want me to use this as an ins policy to avoid having any "event" in my seventies like my mother had. My current cholesterol is not very high at all, but my arteries do have some plaque that concerns the cardiologist. So far the statin is not seeming to bother me, so I will just take it, get my blood work done in eight weeks and go from there.

Congrats on eliminating yours! Always a thrill to avoid another pill!



Got a good work out with my trainer today....yikes! It is a lot of work! I wonder if I will ever really be in strong shape. What I like about doing this in the hospital gym is that the trainer is not so over zealous that she manages to overwork my fragile lower back. I will love it if I actually start to enjoy the weights work as much as I like the treadmill and bike work. Conditioning.....hmmmm.



Laurie, that scene between Mom and son you describe was one of the teariest in this house too. Of course it would bring up some strong memories for you.....along with the scarf sequence. A really powerful and well done show.



Re: the boys fighting, it's too bad there is not an invention that would allow a parent to become hearing impaired for the duration of the fight ...since most sibling squabbles get worked out anyway. I'm sure that some parents are good at this without the invention. Can't say I was.....always hated the noise element.



Deb, I hope you are able to take care of yourself during this difficult period.

Bedo and Debbie....hugs to both of you.

Hospice is not an option, it has to be rehab, he can not come home until he can completly take care of himself. He is incontinent, has a tube in his rectum and bladder, he could not get out of bed on his own.  I have to work and I don't want DD to have to care for him either.

Another composed salad for dinner. I pickled some red onions, boiled a yukon and tossed with a mustard/vinegar mixture, blue cheese, carrots, tomatoes and of course, lettuce. There are enough onions and potatoes left to make another salad tomorrow.

Deb, no advice [though the rehab place in Medford on High Street is absolutely horrid] just all my best thoughts. Tough situation for both you and your daughter.

*susan*

Dinner tonight-salad with mango and avocado. I read avocadoes are an anti-estrogen. They protect us and regulate our estrogen. Avocadoes=green light for me!

Minus 2... While reading, was thinking, what a big lunch, especially before chemo. Your dinner made me laugh! Someone told me to eat light - boiled red potatoes and broccoli before chemo, that became my good luck charm. Wish I would have thought about the Yorks!



Eric... Good for you! Connections with DD so important! Kudos for being such a great dad! She'll remember this in later years.



Dinner last night was pot roast (Martha Stewart recipe from Pinterest); mashed potatoes for DH and kasha with bow ties for me. Tonight, I had a new bc support group meeting, used one of those frozen pasta/chicken meals (mostly pasta, little chicken or veggies like shown on the package) DH had gotten ages ago (I don't care for those things), I had leftovers, he liked the meal! Go figure.

Finally got the flowers and herbs off the front porch today and into the ground. Next week, the vegetables. Got overheated today, so not much appetite. A rather large chef type salad will be dinner I think.

Yes, Eric, I hope you and DD are enjoying a job well done!



Thread is slower than usual today....so I think I will vent a bit.



Last week one of my former clinician colleagues texted me that she just learned that my position had been officially posted to be filled (I expected that since I'd just sent in my retirement notice) but with another type of staff (I did NOT expect that).

All markers pointed to the position being permanently filled by the substitute who has been doing a wonderful job with the kids, staff and families this year. I supervise her weekly, so mnow what she is doing by the thorough and sensitive concerns she asks for help with.

So this wonderful sub never even learned about this until I strongly advised the principal (after I received an email from her informing me of what happened, and that it was out of her hands....a bit defensive?) she'd better tell her before she learned it from the gossip line. So frustrating!



Right now it looks as though this may be a set up for a young woman in the system the principal has befriended to get the job (she has the certification that the position now requires....and has no clinical skills....just testing skills). It could also be that the superintendent, who is not a fan of clinical social workers because we don't just sweep serious behavioral issues under the rug when a child's safety is at risk, is replacing us one by one (as we retire) with testers who are basically educators rather than clinicians. Whatever the underlying reason, I feel so badly for the at-risk kids and families who now have to deal with another loss. My sub did a great job all year and they will grieve her loss and regrieve mine.....remember these are the kids who rarely have their basic emotional needs met. OY! If I could only help the super understand how such dismissiveness of these kids' needs will NOT help the them pass the almighty state tests!



I went through a few hours of feeling that my cancer was spreading its ugly tentacles to all the families that I had to leave and who are going to be left again with the new person they developed a trusting relationship with. I would most likely still be there if I didn't need to leave due to the cancer and the ongoing side effects that compromise my energy level.

End of rant....thanks for letting me get it out!



Remember our talk about bunnies.....

DH mentioned that he hadn't seen the backyard mother or baby (ies?) lately and wondered what may have happened.What I immediately thought, was verified this evening as I looked out the window and saw a huge black cat positioned about a foot away from the entry way to where the bunnies nest under our shed. I feel protective of them and tried to chase off the cat....tried clanging some pots, before remembering that such noise was for bears, not fat happy cats! Mr. Cat confirmed that by lazily staring at me, then trying to nuzzle next to my leg. At any rate, he never left, I came back into the house, and he is still at the ready working up an appetite I suppose. I hope I don't hear those awful shrieks of bunnies being killed.



For dinner, leftover parsnip soup with barley, and chicken salad with almonds and red grapes.

Lacey,

I am going to vent right beside you! These kids need clinicians, not testers or researchers. My kid is currently working with high school aged kids, and even kids with lots of family "support" are getting lost. The ones without hardly have a chance. Last year she did her internship at the Burke School in Boston; an eye-opening experience for a child who was always nutured.

Next year her practicuum choices are all in what I call the leafy suburbs. Whatever school picks her will be picking someone who has both the skills and compassion to make a difference.

We all play the "what if" game, but you can't blame yourself for how this is all turning out. We can grieve for the kids who will feel abandoned, and we can truly wish that the future had held a different story, but you did all that you could to provide your students with continuity while taking care of yourself. I can't imagine how deflated you must feel.

*susan*

Susan - Are you tied to the Endo? There has to be a ton in your city. Even in the smallish city of Ft. Worth there are several; I used to work for one years ago. Might be worth looking further esp. since, and I may be wrong so forgive me, your endo. problems are relatively new. I forget what they look for on hypo other than something is increasing, right, trying to push your thyroid to make more hormone. Do your labs reflect the hypo state? Sometimes - and I say this gingerly - docs pay too much attention to labs and don't listen to their patient.

Lacey - Sounds like a no-win situation. You've advocated as best you can for your kids. Unfortunately like you know its "who you know". I felt the same way when I quit in December. Like I was abandoning patients/families. Sorry about bunny family. With our owls/hawks its amazing we even have any at all.

Attempting - LOL an never ending job - to clean out freezer. Found 3 lonely chicken breasts from a giant package and a bottle of Alfredo sauce. I'll add some canned mushrooms which DH will fork over onto my plate. Mushrooms, asparagus, avocados, sardines and such are just about the only things he will not eat. Not too bad for a semi-Texan which describes both of us.

Eric - sounds like you've walked the fine line of guiding your daughter well.

Special K - love the spread for graduation. Holy cow you can cook.

Deb - thinking of you and your daughter. I would have my ducks in a row for hospice, have one chosen and know where they can/will treat him. Rehab may very quickly fizzle. Rehab is very profitable for NH but with regs now I think they will look closely at progress. Please don't beat yourself up for not wanting him at home. Hope you've made some headway on his business.

I think we've had the last cool spell. Houseplants moving out this weekend. I've had the little ones out for sev. weeks but these are the heavy pots. I bought some "boxwood" basil at Lowes. Cutest little buggers. Also lots of flower seeds. I have a patch that used to be total shade until a mini tornado took out 1/2 the elm above. Now semi shade. Lost a huge holly to disease there so I have a weed patch. Hope to get wildflowers established. Found another dish garden container I had stashed away; will plant herb mix. I have a giant one of mint that spent the winter outside; looks tons better than the one I brought in.

Carrie - drama you don't need on day 3 esp. working till 8. Hope tomorrow is better. My 2 groceries always have pork of some kind in their clean out bin. I don't understand that. Why I nearly always have pork ribs in freezer. These country people have nothing against hogs - they hunt/eat feral hogs around here.

I spent yesterday running around FW. Optometrist appt. that was cancelled b4 I ever got there so I get to go back tomorrow. These glasses are c**p 2 years old. I find new glasses right up there with dental work for expensive. DH can get vision ins. but it is almost worthless and last time I checked opt. didn't take that co. Trying to arrange lunch with a former co-worker. I took baby goats to a playday at my vet's office on Sat. and was rewarded with an Olive Garden gift card. WOOHOO. Gotta keep my vet happy but I've spent oodles there this spring already.

I don't celebrate any of the dates related to my diagnosis and treatement, but I do celebrate every day, every week and every year that goes by without a reoccurance. I recognize May 25th as the day my life changed and June 11, the day of surgery , as the beginnining of my cancer free future.  And I will do my best to keep it cancer free.

I have a similar shirt situation, but it is a sweater.  A pink Eileen Fisher sweater.  It was in the BS' office for diagnosis.

You know, I was thinking that the BCO discussion boards are really remarkable.  I've been reading so much, and the women here seem to be better than the actual health care system.  Not just talking about medical knowledge, but also the way in which they deliver information, or share information.  I'm not kidding.  I'm so impressed with my sisters on this site.  I'm really gobsmacked.

Dinner tonight:  I have no idea.  Last night I had scrambled eggs!

Apple's birthday today...

shrimp and grits for me and fish sticks and man n chz for the kids.