Fuzzy's Romp Room

Yesterday was anniversary of my surgery and after four measly hours of sleep here i am awake, sad and so fed up with not sleeping or feeling ok.......i made the mistake of contacting a bc group and said how i feel mutilated, and am looking for support.....what did I get back? A lecture telling me to stop the self pity and work at getting my life back! apparently i am the ONLY person who has ever described mx as mutilation............



Not doing that again for sure, it just makes me feel more weird and isolated and so now i am a failure at having bc, when actually i am doing as much as i can in normal life but i do have a much heavier heart than before.....

Lilly55,  I usually lurk but wanted to let you know you are not alone.  You are entitled to your feelings.  I'm sorry you didn't get the support you were looking for and that you deserve.  I know I struggle sometimes with living a "normal" life.  You are not a failure at anything!  Sending positive thoughts your way.

Right on, SHELL, for LIL is one of our better members, she brings her cat avatar with her, and she always says nice things, and her complaints are just like ours, we're ALL DEALING WITH CANCER REFUSE.  Yes, that disease takes more than just a limb or other body parts.  It takes our peace of mind.  And then many of us, like you and me, LIL, have to deal with medicines of various types, all in the name of cancer.  I'd be upset, too, waking up with only a few hours sleep.  It's an awful thing, sometimes, this struggle to be free.

Yah, LIL, I talked to Fuzz briefly on a phone message, and she to me, she's still working through her mother's passing, Fuzz has children, as I"m sure you gathered from her posts, so they lost their grandmother.  Also, school is letting out, so she'll have a full house for a while.  But for you LIL, I think IF FUZZY drops in to read, maybe she'll come on board for a couple days to console us. 

EVERYONE, today I woke up at 6 a.m., a divine thing, for the day before I was like LIL, I was up all the night and I hated it.  But I knew eventually things would settle, it's just going to take some time, as I know basically what's doing this.  Ummm, today it's good I slept around the clock.  I have to go to the bank, get my pills (hooray, I'm out of several), groceries, then home to pay umpteen dozen hospital bills from last time I was in the hospital, at the psych lockup when I apparently lost it when they mistakenly didn't treat me for gastric issues.  I still have some of those gastric problems, but they are slowly getting better.  I'd have been better sooner if only they had listened to me.  But in psych wards, EVERYONE says, "I'm not supposed to be here."  HAHAHAHA.  A shout out to FOLEY b4 I go.  If there are times you'd rather not post a picture for us, it's perfectly okay, it seemed to be on your mind.  At the same time, everyone enjoys this thread being prettied up with your wonderous views and places around your lovely home, and lovely you.  Love to all my sisters, Gail 

You know what, LADIES?  I miss some of you very much.  I miss DUNE, and of course FUZZY, and too many others to name.  Where have all the flowers gone?  Perhaps people are adjusting and don't have as much consternation to fill in these boxes.  I surely do not know.

YA'LL, I'm a 'tellin ya, it's unreal that I got everything done yesterday.  Oh, I was weary, though.  So, saved bills for later this morning.  Pretty big stack, many are doctor bills from an unnecessary stay in the hospital for a week, and boy did I write THEM a big letter, and the rest of my bills are usual, but many are double ones becuz I missed them last month, I guess.  If it takes every cent I have to pay them, I'll do it, save the hospital bill.  Thought I'd pay it in thirds, with a note I'll continue to do so each month, which it'll be paid off in July.  The letter I wrote suggested they reduce my hospital bill by a third, altho I didn't ask for that, but gee whiz, what a mistake they made, and I even told them how to resolve it, which is for each patient that comes in as a nonemergent case should be ASKED how come they're there.  They went by what a very misguided and unhappy worker with EMT had to say, and apparently my Urgent Care notes did not accompany me as they should have.  OH, well, gotta let that go.

See, I can stir up controversy and upset-tudeness (my brother's favorite add-on) anytime it's called for.  My appointment to see my cancer doc has been moved to August.  I had to cancel one I had a week or two ago, and that was as early as they could get me in.  I don't think any of us, me and the docs and nurses, are particularly worried about me.  I DO need to see a dermatolgist, tho, for the melanoma I had.  Like most people, I got plenty of moles, and it's a pretty deadly thing to have at any time.  I also need to see a gastro to get these digestive issues straight, since my hospital didn't do it for me when I needed it. 

But you know what, GIRLS, I AM glad to be alive!  Oh, the beauty of it, no matter how dark the corners, under the bed, and in the closet can be, even on a cloudy day, there are birds, trees, or out West the beautiful expanse of desert and northern Rockies where they flatten out into Montana, the Big Sky country, our world is a pretty place.  It's just people on top of each other, waiting for other people, having to talk to people,when you don't feel good, IT'S HARD.  And some people, gee whiz, LIL, how RUDE was that red ant or what!?!  Well, you can tell us whatever you want here, WE KNOW what it's like. 

Ya'll hang in, visit now and then if you want, even if it's just to say hi, or to complain, or to tell us something great that has happened to you.  I've done all three, but I ain't shy.  I jus likes to talk.  I'm a talkin fool.  HA!  Until next time, as the world turns, GG

Ladies, I've been busy with scapula PT and just can't be on computer much after my job, which has been swamped with press releases. I have to put up their huge financials. I will try to get up more "peaceful" pics up next week. Love you - got to work at JoAnn's today. Have a great day!

Off to bed during a thunder storm first view from the west and next view from the east.

I would love an ocean tape, but not with gulls.  Not only disruptive noise but they don't fly and cry at night. 

Train fine if no horn or whistle, there was a train that ran past the house we lived in when I was in middle school.  It didn't keep me awake but it didn't use it's horn till it was near the station down town. 

A thunder storm might work if it is the grumbling kind but a clap that sounds like it is very close would jolt me awake. I've had a couple of close encounters with lightening bolts and thunder that sounds very close tends to startle me more than any other kind of sound.

But then I seem to be able to adapt to almost any level or type of noise when it comes to sleeping.  We once lived at the end of the SeaTac runway and needed black-out drapes because the jet's landing lights flooded into our house.  For an hour after we went to bed the first night I couldn't get to sleep.  After that the  noise never bothered me.

I can't do ocean tapes - they make me have to get up and go potty!!! no running water anywhere lol 

I was seeing the lightening where it struck a few times - for here that means forest fires - NOT good sound to sleep by for us.  I did turn on my normal music but it took me 2 hours to get to sleep - I'm taking the tamox in the morning at 6 am - didn't think it would be disturbing my sleep but not sure anymore.. I'm still shakey too - maybe its getting of the Nuvigil the sleep doc gave me to stay awake during my weird shift - I am so confused and tired this morning.  Sun was up at 5:30 this morning - but didn't go out to take any new pictures - this one is from last night.

"Light at the end of the Storm"

Gma, as always stunning photos!

Just got a note back from my sister: "Thank you for the good wishes and reminder that God is here for me. - The doctor called this morning to let me know that the lymph nodes were clean; therefore, cancer did not reach them nor is it in another part of my body. Also she got all the invasive cancer out; but there may be non-invasive cancer in the margin. The pathologist will not know for another few days. If there is non-invasive cancer in the margin, we will need to go in for another surgery. Will let you know what the outcome is.  I have an appointment with the physician's assistant next week to check the wounds and to make sure all is healing okay. Then we decide the next step."

I thought everyone needs to hear good news like that especially when they found both ER/PR+ and Hers2+

Needing a calm at the end of the storm... For the ones that didn't see this post {{The yo yo goes on - My onc talked to my sleep doc and THEY decided I could take my Nuvigil (a STIMULANT) and tamoxifen even though it lessens the tamoxifen - Problem with that is I don't need any more stimulation - I need sleep!!! What were they thinking... I have a call back to each one of them and tried to explain that since the Tamoxifen I need sleep - I have no trouble staying awake!  Will probably hear back tomorrow from each of them. - BTW these doctors are great at what they do but don't know what the other is doing half the time - I'm glad they talked to each other... }}} This morning I tried the nuvigil after talking to my daughter, the chemist. She says Nuvigil might have a chemistry that helps the sleep cycle specifically and that might help. Or NOT - Shakier than ever an hour after taking it, no concentration left - feel OVERstimulated.. Anyway maybe this picture is what I need -  I just named it "the calm after the storm"

Gma, Someone posted on another thread that Arimidex gave her the jitters and rapid heartbeat. Her doctor prescribed Atenelol which is a beta blocker and that worked (not on the hot flashes, however).

GMAF - pardon my ignoracne but what would happen if you stopped all your meds and started again after some good sleep? 

We are given so many mega dominant drugs, they mess us up and you have more than most to contend with.....

Lily I have been dealing with getting my sleep apnea under control - I was falling asleep on the keyboard(my work).  then found out my other sister ended up with BC and decided, my last ditch effort, to keep the BC recurrence away - Tried all the AI's and SEs were super bad - MO took me off them.  So Tamoxifen is my only thing left - started on a half dose about a week ago - But at the same time the sleep doc took me off of the Nuvigil which was keeping me awake because it lessens the effect of the tamox... Well, now the 2 docs have talked to eachother and have decided to put me back on the nuvigil .. Problem is that also hypes me up like the tamoxifen is doing - so..... I am bouncing off of walls and even though I know I'm tired, I can't sleep - 

Ok NOW they both called me back - ONC wants me to keep taking both meds... sleep doc also but being I'm having issues she has decided she want to see me - I wonder if it is to tell me face to face why she wants me on it OR is it I am leaving her too many msgs and she wants to charge me for the conversation??? 

Ok that was the drugs talking - I'm glad I can say anything here... I cried all the way through PT - just because no real reason.. Anyway the sleep doc moved my june appt up to this Friday.. I'm playing yo yo with my brain and not sure how much more I can take without breaking the string.... 

FOLEY, love all the pics, and REALLY identified with the little budgie in the rain, so sad!!!  Ummm, I was given a drug that revved me up so bad that I couldn't even remember several weeks back in March.  I kid you not.  So, I got it down to one pill per day, cut in half, one mid-morning, one early afternoon.  NOW I can sleep when it's time.  Today I added another 1/2 in, BIG mistake.  So, I'm here to say those meds can most definitely take awake your sleep, and it is an AWFUL thing, and because i took that extra 1/2, I woke up about 3a.m., not good.  And of course it wrecks any good part of the next day!  About all I can advise you is no matter what the docs settle on, do not take any after lunch, and hopefully you'll make it thru our workday without getting sleepy AND you'll fall asleep when you're supposed to and sleep right on through.  GG