Husband not attracted to me at all

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I think counseling would be helpful for sure. I think some things may trigger old insecurities due to the affair. I also wonder what our partners go through. Maybe they feel a loss as wells, as our bodies are theirs in a way. I know it is a work in progress as we go through surgeries. I would cut him slack and try not to let your mind run wild. Unless you have more concrete info that would implicate infidelity. I think we are going through so much and are very sensitive to these things due to our insecurities. In the long run it will be so much better. It just takes such a long time getting through reconstruction and the healing. Just my two cents. Hang in there!!! ((Hugs!!))

We too are sorry about what you are going through. You'll need to stand tall, and be sure of yourself. Remember, none of us are "perfect". We strongly suggest meeting with a therapist, for yourself, and with your husband. It seems that this all needs to be discussed in a loving, caring, and open way to develop the closeness you are seeking with him. 

We are thinking of you. 

Husband here.



This cancer thing sucks. It is a &$$@!! bomb thrown in the middle of couples and families.



Don't make yourself the bad guy. Don't make the man standing by you the bad guy.



The bad guy is the cancer.



I looked in on my still sleeping wife early this morning after I had gotten up. Sleep has been scarce for her. There she lay and I just stood in the door watching her, thinking how beautiful... how precious.... like when you look in on sleeping children. There's nothing more beautiful than that in the world.



I am not saying that I now view her AS a child, but there is a vulnerability there and a sense that I am a protector against the world for her. More now than ever. It's perhaps temporarily altered how I view 'us' and my role in loving her. I long to get back to a more normalized version of us. It will come. But we're fighting and surviving right now.



She is bald from chemo and she has TEs in... and I am more attracted to her entire being NOW than I will ever be to anyone in my lifetime.



I am SO terrified for her. SO angry that she should have to endure so much... and there's so little I feel that I can do.



It's hard to know WHAT she needs. So I am just there for her. For whatever she needs.



Don't let your mind run off thinking the worst. My thoughts these last 7 months have been all over the place. Sometimes I can't think about anything. Sometimes I try to occupy my mind with nonsense. Just to get 'through' the day. The hour. The next 5 minutes.



He's probably struggling, but is afraid to tell you or show you. We're supposed to be the "rock". It's incongruous to be completely open and communicative (which would uncover our fears) WHILE maintaining this front of stability and strength. The balancing act of being this pillar to lean on when all you WANT to do is curl up and wish it all away is hard.



Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break. You are wonderful enough for this man to be at your side through this unimaginable journey. He is processing. Coping. In the only way perhaps his shell shocked mind knows how. But he's there. With you. In the way perhaps he believes you need most of all.



If you need support from him in other ways/ forms other than he is providing, you must communicate. This hand that had been dealt to all the ladies here is FOREIGN to all of us. We don't know how to act. There was no dress rehearsal for this. We know just to be there. Help us be there in the way that you need. And be patient. I know I would do ANYTHING my wife needs. I may at times be utterly clueless to what that is sometimes---especially when something so unprecedented is occurring.



You have a man who is there. That means you are some kind of special. There are tons of women who don't have that... and THEY are also all special.



Bless you. I pray for a full recovery for you and love and health going forward.

Colt45 - how dear and loving you are. Your wife is very fortunate to have you. I wish her the best. How kind of you to respond with reassurance to the OP who is clearly hurting and could use some moral support.

alcb70 - Your husband sounds as if he loves you but is mourning for what had been lost. He needs to come to terms with the changes and that may take time. Therapy would help, but if he's anything like my husband, it would take wild horses to drag him there. You are in the midst of treatment, but eventually it will end and you will regain your health and your hair, and with it your looks and self-confidence.

I see myself in the mirror ten months after my last chemo treatment and I have come back so far. I look like a different person than I did during chemo, and each month I am aware of how much stronger I am than I was the month before.

My husband has been wonderful and supportive throughout my treatments. I honestly used to worry that if I ever got breast cancer that he would leave me because I was not perfect any longer, but that hasn't happened. Instead he has let me know in many small ways that he cares deeply and is afraid of losing me. Those little pats mean a lot more than you may realize.

Concentrate on eating well, exersizing when you are able because it does help a lot, and try to think positively. Feel better and best wishes!