Not Sure How to Respond to Insincere People at Work...

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danawp
danawp Member Posts: 99
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I am returning to work next week after my BMX.  Things have gone well physically, but I am still dealing with the mental & emotional aspect of things.  I was very open about what I'm going through so plenty of people know & I'm fine with that.  So many people in my life have been amazing so I really cannot complain.

But, I do have a weird work issue.  I am the director of a very tiny nonprofit, and I did not have a clearly defined sick leave policy.  Basically, I dont have a specific number of days.  I just take what I need and work extra when I need to.  This has worked fine for the 8 years I've been the director.  So this month, after my BMX, I took off 12 days (and will work an additional 4 from home).  (Coverage was arranged).

Half of the board feels I should not be paid, and half of the board feels I should.  (I received a check already, and then some people got upset about that and called an emergency board meeting).  I dont care who thinks what, but it was handled poorly.  It was done behind my back & with resentment rather than letting me know that they realize now that there should have been a written policy in place, and unfortunately now both the board and I are in an unfair predicament.

My real issue and concern now is that I have to return to work next week and face all of these people.  I am not emotionally up for facing the people who resent that I got paid.  I dont want to answer their questions of, "How are you?" or hug them, when I know they were just sitting in a meeting complaining that I missed 12 days for my BMX.  How do I respond?  I almost want to send an email saying please dont ask me how I'm doing when I return...but that seems infammatory and immature.  I have always been professional with everyone there.  Now, I am dreading returning to work and seeing these people!! Any advice?!?

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  • Racy
    Racy Member Posts: 2,651
    edited May 2013

    I feel for you. Firstly, you are 'entitled' to be paid for the time off given your length of service and obvious dedication. In your place, I would try to ride it out, don't engage emotionally with those who aren't supportive, and rely on this forum for your support. Play it by ear but, remember, your leave has been approved and you don't owe any further explanations to anyone.



    Good luck with your recovery.

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited May 2013

    I can only applaude you for getting back to work so quickly after a BMX!

    I don't really have advice, just observation.

    I was still "hitting the wall" every afternoon for a nap, after 12 days, and mine was just a UMX.

    I can totally understand your apprehension about how to react to these petty people. The fault is theres' entirely because sick leave is a basic, and should have been organised long ago by the board. It seems that for 8 years it was not an issue, which tends to indicate you didn't actually take a lot of sick leave.

    I think I would probably be polite, but when asked how I was, I would reply that "I'll be much better when this is sorted out. It's not something I was expecting to have to deal with!"

    Going back into the world after this takes some courage. I am sure you'll find the majority of these people are going to be genuinely concerned for you, but there are always a minority who react differently than the rest of us. They are just wired differently.

    As some say, it will be time to put on the "big girl pants" and take some big cleansing breaths before you go in and show them how well you are doing.

    Adjusting to the "New Normal" takes a bit of time, but I have found that negativity doesn't have a place in my day now. Whatever will be, will be, I'd let them sort it out amongst themselves.

    You are a professional, I think you'll do fine!

    Take care of you!   

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  • Racy
    Racy Member Posts: 2,651
    edited May 2013

    Ariom has given excellent advice!



    May I also suggest counselling? Recovery fron this disease is emotionally painful, but easier if you have professional support.

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  • danawp
    danawp Member Posts: 99
    edited May 2013

    Thanks Ariom & Racy!  

    I do go to a support group.  I definitely believe in professional help! These boards have been a great help, too.  

    And Ariom, that's perfect!!  I'm typically non-confrontational and haven "taken" different things from different people over the years...After having cancer, I'm over that -- lol.   Now I'm ready to either (1) not let it bother me or (2) speak up about it.  I do find it easier to face uncomfortable situations when I have a simple scripted response, that I can say without getting upset.  Your line is perfect!! 

    And no worries - I'm not going back 12 days post surgery (I was still napping then too :)  But, with the way I'm scheduled, it's just 12 days of missed work (and they are half days)...which is why I didnt think anyone would make an issue of it.  Lack of policy left everyone in a bad position, but I still thought I would be supported by all, not some...given the circumstances.  

    Thanks again for the support & great advice!  I feel more relieved already about going back!!

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited May 2013

    Thanks Racy!We were writing at the same time, so I missed your post, till now, but I agree, totally with your advice too.

    I am so glad you're feeling better about it danawp, I find a simple succinct response works a treat! 

    Good luck with it! 

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