Anyone not live close to their loved one?

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Papillon1
Papillon1 Member Posts: 308
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Anyone not live close to their loved one?
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  • Papillon1
    Papillon1 Member Posts: 308
    edited April 2013

    My mother has metastatic bc in her brain, bones, lung and liver. I live in a different country and have 3 children under 5 so its not so easy to be there to help a great deal. I feel terrible for it and although she is coping ok right now I don't know how I can get through the awful stages which are no doubt to come, be it in months or years. I guess I will fly in for as many weekends as I can, hope my husbands work can give him time to take the kids in school holidays..but it's not only an emotional nightmare but a practical one too...I wish I was there to help my dad, but obviously my role as mum is important too. My youngest is only 3 months old. My biggest two are both starting a new school this September and will be settling in and learning a new language, so ideally I don't want them in and out of school, its a big deal for them.,,but is that selfish of me!? My parents both understand and wouldn't want me to move home or to complicate things for my children, but still i am confused as to what to do. And feel guilty, and sad since i should be supporting my dad and brother who live close to my parents.

    But also I am kind of glad, since it will no doubt be a heartbreaking time seeing mum so sick, and I am glad to not have to see it every day....I feel guilty for even writing that.

    I speak everyday with my mum, but I find emotions are difficult to express on the phone...I always fear we are putting a brave face on, skirting around the elephant in the corner.



    Anyone else in a similar boat?

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  • IckyStickyBee
    IckyStickyBee Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2013

    My MIL was just diagnosed and we live in another state...not as far as another country, that must be very difficult.  And...I hate to say it...but expensive! Our family could definitely not afford to fly back and forth multiple times a year, let alone once a month or more!  But yeah its hard for my husband to not be able to be there.  Then again, even if we did live nearby, he couldn't really take off work to be there that frequently.  I mean, his father is still working and can't take off to stay home and be there everyday, neither could anyone who needs to stay employed.  But I think he'd feel better if we were nearby and COULD be there quickly if there was an issue. On the other hand, you can't just always live close by to family just because something terrible could happen.  I don't know.  I know he feels awful about it, because we literally just had a talk about it.  And I don't really know how it will all pan out going forward.  I wish it was as easy as driving a short ways and hanging out with my MIL and keeping her company through all of the pain she is going through right now.  This sucks.

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  • NickyJ
    NickyJ Member Posts: 722
    edited May 2013

    As someone with bc who lives abroad, I don't have any family living nearby (other than my husband and 3 kids). I just wanted to say that I completely understand that my family can't come over very often, they have their own lives and responsibilities - never mind the cost! I do, however, really appreciate the phone calls and messages. Distance doesn't matter. It's knowing that they're thinking of me that counts.

    Nicky

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  • Papillon1
    Papillon1 Member Posts: 308
    edited May 2013

    Thanks. That helps. You are in a beautiful part of France - we are on the opposite side, near Geneva. Visited Bordeaux a few years ago :)

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  • NickyJ
    NickyJ Member Posts: 722
    edited May 2013

    Papillon,

    Glad I could help. Please feel free to p.m. me if you have any further Questions. Delighted to see you have visited Bordeaux! It's a beautiful place, don't you think?

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  • Papillon1
    Papillon1 Member Posts: 308
    edited May 2013

    Oh it is. We stayed in a little village called Puisseguin. Gorgeous.



    Thank you. Best wishes. bonne chance X

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