Positive Traits acquired during BC treatment

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PeggySull
PeggySull Member Posts: 686
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

Hi, all, as I am 1 month out of neoadjuvant chemo, double mastectomy with immed reconstruction, I now have the energy to pose a question tat is really a topic--positive personality changes as a result of going through treatment. Maybe this topic has already been covered, but I think sharing this in one place now might help others see in themselves changes they could not put a name to before.



Our treatments have cost us much in term of time, energy, stress, pain, loss...I'd like to think that what we "bought" beyond survival (no small thing) with these "funds" can be named and claimed.



I'll start the ball rolling by sharing two: assertiveness and less codependency. Last night I gently but assertively told my husband what I needed from him when I'm in a specific emotional state.

He argued back at first, "you're trying to change me". I answered "I am just telling you my needs. If I wanted to change you I'd tell you to return your father's phone call."



i don't know if he'll even remember what I asked from him for me, but it sure felt right to ask for it and not back away from conflict when he got defensive!



I'd love to hear from the rest of you what new traits you acquired or honed during the arduous treatment of BC.



Peggy

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  • SelenaWolf
    SelenaWolf Member Posts: 1,724
    edited April 2013

    I'm definitely more assertive (positive), but a lot more emotional (can be negative depending on the situation).  I've always been a loner and still gravitate toward my solitary ways, but I'm a bit more open to socializing more.  I'm trying (don't always succeed) to be a kinder, gentler person and try to see where other's are coming from.  Everyone - I'm finding - has a a tragedy of some sort impacting their life.  No one is exempt.

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  • indenial
    indenial Member Posts: 504
    edited April 2013

    I feel empowered. I've had a lot of health issues and other issues in my past (abuse etc.) and this is the first time in my life that *I* have been able to make big decisions about what happens to *my* body. 

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  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 5,972
    edited April 2013

    Wow, last night I had a call from an old lover.....we had connected on linken after many years.  I told him I had BC but was clear for almost 5 years.  He never said, great or sorry or asked anything about it.  And we talked about his life and the idea of retirement and such for over a half hour.

    I realized after hanging up why we did not work out years ago.  I had been so wondering if I had made a mistake way back when but know now.....it was right for me to end the affair.  

    So yeah, now I am more focused on my health and the people I associate with as well as where and what I do.  I am not as much of a push over as I was before, life threw me a ringer but I got past it~

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  • PeggySull
    PeggySull Member Posts: 686
    edited April 2013

    Wanted to add two more traits I gave birth too during this process:



    I'm more patient. All that tortuous waiting during every phase of diagnosis and treatment has resulted in me being more patient in other areas of my life.



    I often listen to others differently. Not thinking about what I'm going to say next but truly being there when they talk.



    Of course these are traits I'm still working on. When it comes to waiting for my post op oncology appointment this coming Tuesday I'm not feeling very patient, but in other areas of my life I am. I still don't listen to my husband as well as I listen to my friends, but I'm hoping that will change over time since I'm aware of it.



    It's really helpful to me to read others' posts on this topic! Thanks,

    Peggy

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