Specific BMX question
I was DX with DCIS in Dec 2011 and have my BMX scheduled for next Tuesday... so many things are running through my mind. Can someone give me an example of how it feels to have your breasts with completely no feeling to them? Or not an 'example' I guess, but how hard is it to have no feeling in your breasts, even after exchange. I have struggled with other things but now that I am a week away, new worries and anxieties are popping up...
I am very thankful I didn't have worse than DCIS but the flip side to it is, if it was worse I wouldn't have a choice. In my situation, I caught it so early that I wonder if I am making a mistake and should just go with checks every 6 months and not go through this.
Any thoughts? And those who have had BMX, how are you dealing with it? I have nothing but confusion right now and my brain is spinning like crazy.
Thank you to all you women, what a powerhouse of support we all have here!
Blessings,
Chantel
Comments
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This is a very hard question to answer because how it feels, and how someone is coping, is very individual. My DH still appreciates the way that I look - had a skin/nipple sparing BMX so actually look somewhat normal, but I have no physical feeling at all across the chest. I found it helpful to look down and see my chest with expanders in place and already filled to 200cc right after surgery - I didn't have to acclimate - I already had the beginnings of the finished recon, complete with nipples. I had no problem phychologically dealing with the BMX because I felt like my breasts had turned against me anyway - I wanted them gone. I had IDC/DCIS and positive nodes on one side and ADH/ALH on the other, so I felt they both had to go - and I agree, because of this my decision was easy - yours is less so. I really don't think about this too much, I have a long-term marriage with a very devoted husband who is just happy that I am alive, and I am a pretty pragmatic and non-emotional person.
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I had a PBMX a little over a year ago. A surprise IDC was found in the final pathology. It apparently was hiding in the dense breast tissue. I have never regretted the Mx, not for a second. I only wish I had done it sooner. My husband likes the new me just as he liked the old me. I think the fact that he had "a say" in the reconstruction part of things gives him an even more vested interest in them. (No pun intended!)
How does it feel?? hmmm. Now it feels fine, I don't really remember how it felt before. But I do feel my pecs flex across the implant when I move my arms. This is not unpleasant, just different. I have feeling between my breasts and up both sides except for about a 4" x 5" diameter oval surrounding the horizontal scar on each breast. It just feels numb. My husband was in a motocycle accident when he was young and said the leg he had surgery on has a numb area too, so I think he understands what I mean.
The reconstruction was very tough for me, but I am glad I had it. I have no nipples and I may or may not get 3d tattoos at some point.
I too was filled to 200cc at the mx, so I had something when I woke up. Honestly I would have been happy with the 200cc. However I ended up with 421 cc mid profile implants, and they are great.
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I was also diagnosed with DCIS. I had no choice on my left cancer side and had to have a skin-sparing mastectomy. I chose to also have them take my right due to dense tissue and I didn't want to worry anymore. I woke up with a flat chest they didn't start filling me for 2 weeks. I have gone through expansion and due to a defective tissue expander had to have my implants put in last Thursday. It is such a difficult decision and can be an emotional one. I have a friend that had DCIS and had a lumpectomy and radiation. She looks and is doing great. I wish I knew how to put your mind at ease. It's normal what you are going through but in the end you won't have cancer! I hope the best for a speedy recovery. Take care. Hugs!!!
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Chantel, have you been reading the reconstruction forum on this discussion board? If not, I would suggest that you take a look there at some of the discussion threads. It's probably the best way to get a realistic idea of what's to come. There are success stories and posts from women who are happy with their reconstruction, and there are other threads that talk about the issues and problems.
I had a single MX and not a BMX so I don't know how I would feel with a BMX. But how I, or anyone else, might feel really doesn't matter because they aren't you. If you read this board you'll see that some women are very happy with their results and don't miss the loss of sensation but there are other women who find that they are deeply affected by the loss and take years to adjust (or sometimes, never adjust). There's no way to know what your reaction will be.
The one thing that you wrote that caught my eye was your comment that "I wonder if I am making a mistake and should just go with checks every 6 months and not go through this." If you seriously have doubts about the BMX, don't do it. Or at least, don't do it now. You can take more time and do it later if you become more confident that this is what you want. Once a BMX is done, it's done - there is no going back. Your body is changed for the rest of your life. If you know a BMX is what you want to do or if you are confident that a BMX is the right decision for you, great. Women who go into something like this with 100% certainty are better able to deal with the possible problems that might arise, and they are better able to cope if the results aren't what they expected. But if you go into this without being sure, it will naturally be harder for you to deal the possible problems - and unfortunately, problems with reconstruction are not uncommon. Most can be resolved, but reconstruction is often not the simple and easy process that we expect it to be.
With DCIS in one breast, there is no need to have a BMX. I don't know if the size of your DCIS means that a MX is necessary or whether a lumpectomy + rads would be equally viable but in any case, removing both breasts is a choice you are making. For many women, it is exactly the right choice. If you are going to do it, you need to be sure that it's the exactly right choice for you.
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Chantel... I had a BMX and am glad for my decision. And it was indeed my decision. I had had a lumpectomy and was due to have radiation, but I knew ME and knew that I couldn't live with the worry. In addition, I had done a watch and wait with ADH and it ultimately became IDC... I wished I had done more when I had that diagnosis... It is indeed personal, but I have no regrets at all.
As to feeling, I had BMX and flap surgery, no implants. It was a little weird at first, but I have a fair amount of feeling around the breast and even some on the left breast. They feel normal and look normal to me.
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I had skin sparing BMX with free TRAM reconstruction. I have quite a bit of feeling still in my skin except for the patch where I now have abdominal skin. Really, these breasts actually feel like part of me and I don't "notice" them at all.
If you are having implants I guess it may be different...
Jenn -
Thank you so much ladies- it is so helpful and encouraging to hear each of your situations and advice. I don't know what I would do if I didnt have this website to refer to. I love love love the support and I am forever thankful!!
Blessings to all of you
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