what's the best thing people have said to you?

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "Let's wing it".



    That was my dad telling my wife NOT to purchase the airfare insurance for our vacation (with my parents for their 50th anniversary) this Fall.



    It maybe foolish. He knows something could jeopardize the trip as my wife recovers from her treatment... but it's his way of saying: "I believe we are going to have a great trip. We have nothing to worry about."

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "the vast majority of women live long and healthy lives after diagnosis".

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013
    This is
    something I 'said' to my wife... years ago...

    We have 2 Thomas Kincaids hanging in our den. I bought them for my wife, 1 before we were married and the other after we moved into our home.



    I looked at them today, having forgotten what they were titled.



    "Conquering the Storms"... and "Perseverance"...



    I've always seen those traits in my wife. It's part of why I love her so much.



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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited April 2013

    Hi colt45, just thought I would post this. It is Thomas Kincaid's description of "Perseverance".

    Very apt, don't you think?

    In "Perseverance;" thunder crashes, sails billow, waves toss the fragile boat. We see that the clouds are about to break. The sea will calm; the sailor's perseverance will soon be rewarded by a return to God's safe haven. Perhaps this painting can assure each of us that if we can simply persevere, God's hand of love will soon disperse each storm.
    — Thomas Kinkade

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    @Ariom:

    Thanks for posting that.

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited April 2013

    From Helen, the 83 yr old Stage IV BC Patient...we met in the bathrooms, me with a chemo drip and she with a bone strengthening drug...She looked at me and said, "Never give up.  I was given less than 6 months to live.  I changed Oncologists, and that was now 12 years ago."

    I remember her often!

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  • new_direction
    new_direction Member Posts: 449
    edited April 2013

    Great story Denise...

    One of my friends told me after letting me know how sad she was to hear I had breast cancer that she didn't consider breast cancer that bad. Started naming examples of people who were still alive more than 10 years after diagnosis. And said: even IF you have a recurrence there is still great treatment which can keep you alive for decades.
    I know it's true, and even if it wasnt, I loved to hear this :)

    I don't mean to start a discussion about alternatives but I must say watching documentaries or reading books about things you can do yourself makes me SO HAPPY and confident that this disease can be cured. I wouldnt choose differently, I have taken conventional treatment and feel good about it. But "alternative" (for me just switching to a more healthy lifestyle) is what will get me going the rest of my life...

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  • ahdjdbcjdjdbkf
    ahdjdbcjdjdbkf Member Posts: 645
    edited April 2013

    There are so many but one day I really cried I was in my cancer surgeon's office for a follow-up and I was a few months past the worst of chemo and had very short blonde hair that I had styled, I had finally had my expanders filled a bit, and I was feeling pretty well that day for the first time in a long time - like even a little "normal." A man was sitting with his wife - she still had her long hair and her head was down and she was swollen from crying. We were the only ones in the waiting room. He quietly said to her, "Look, she went through it and look how great she is doing."

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "The odds of survival at this stage are vastly greater than the odds against survival. It’s important, then, to focus on your treatment as just another “stage” in your life. For most people, having cancer at this stage is not the end of life but rather simply an unpleasant step in the very long and volatile journey of life itself."

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  • Lisa1637
    Lisa1637 Member Posts: 101
    edited April 2013

    Beautiful, Colt!! xo Lisa

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  • indenial
    indenial Member Posts: 504
    edited April 2013

    When I was in the hospital after my BMX (no recon) and feeling kind of like a disfigured freak, not to mention unruly hair that I couldn't reach, and hospital acne, and being bloated and constipated and just all around GROSS... The hospital chaplain came in & gasped in delight & said, "You are beautiful! I think you're the prettiest patient on this floor! But don't tell the others I said that!"

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    @new_direction: your last sentence hits home with me.



    @Mariasnow: what a wonderful thing for you AND that husband's wife to hear.



    Bless you all

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  • grayeyes
    grayeyes Member Posts: 664
    edited April 2013

    Great topic! Smile

    Even though my husband is now with another woman, my extended family has been very supportive.  My mother keeps telling me how strong she thinks I am.

    And my oncologist said the same thing - that I was a very strong person.  I never saw myself that way, so her comment made me feel terrific. 

    Here's something I said that hopefully made another patient's day:  After a recent follow-up appointment, as I was leaving the radiologist's office, the women at the front desk said, "Your hair grew back so nice.  It's so thick!"  As I was walking out, I answered: "Yeah, I thought it would never grow back..." and as I was passing another woman sitting with her bald head covered, I smiled at her and added, "but it does, it does."  She smiled back.  I hope I made her day. Smile

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  • Lisa1637
    Lisa1637 Member Posts: 101
    edited April 2013

    Way to pay it forward, lifeiswonderful!!! xo Lisa

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "I know you want facts.  I know you want something definite that after your wife finishes active treatment her chances are good.  Well, you know that already - her chances are good."

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "Looking at your wife's signature, it appears that with an ER positive, grade 1 tumor, she should do well. Try not upsetting yourselves by focusing on percentages. The bottom line is newer treatments are developed frequently, so those statistics become less meaningful over time."

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "...you and your lovely wife will get through this together. You are both going to be survivors of this insidious disease."

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "....the overall survival for patients like your wife and me PREDICT a high likelihood of long term survival"

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    Bump

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  • bedo
    bedo Member Posts: 1,866
    edited April 2013

    "Mom, all these things happen to you..((broken bones, layoffs, other chemos, other illnesses divorces, ) but you've always seem to come through very OK!" (confused shaking of head on her part, lol)

    "It's Ok, I love you and you can always come live with me" (if you get too sick or run out of money) A real friend

    "You're propably going to die an old lady of something else" (OK!) My Medical Oncologist.

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    I share an office at work with a woman who knows everything my family is going through.



    She knows I am struggling today.



    She took a phone call moments ago from a woman she, in the past, has told me HAD breast cancer----and started talking with this woman, on the phone, in front of me, about the woman's health. I know she did this for my benefit... as I was seated 5 feet away and had no choice but to listen. When my coworker got off the phone, she told me of the woman's recent checkup----and that everything was 'good'. Then she looked at me and said: "You walk right next to people everyday who HAD breast cancer and you don't even know it----because they are doing good".



    Then she added: "S____ (my wife) is going through all these hard treatments... and she has 1 more time to go with the chemo and she's done with it... I think----she will be okay".



    I needed this today.

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "As the months and years go by, you do find cancer losing it's grip".

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    " I think you all have done everything right, and slain the beast."



    ...said to me by another wonderful person on these boards. My eyes well up as I type this. Thank you, you wonderful, inspirational , kind souls.

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "when you get to the other side it will feel fantastic (and you will get there!)"

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  • thirdgenerationmomof2
    thirdgenerationmomof2 Member Posts: 248
    edited April 2013

    After spending almost an entire month after diagnosis with a general surgeon who wouldn't return my phone calls or answer my questions (except to tell me I had IDC cancer), I finally had a second opinion with a highly recommended BS (went on to become my bs). After falling apart for a month with no answers, the first thing she told me during our consult was "How are YOU doing? How are YOU holding up? Know that you will be around for a long, long time" This was exactly what I had needed to hear! After that day, I was ready to stare bc in the eyes and fight this thing head on in warrior mode! :)



    Hugs,



    Jen

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    I went to P.F. Chang's takeout and Sears in 1 trip today.



    A girl came running into Sears to tell the cashier that a bush was on fire outside. The manager called security to "check out the Burning Bush".



    I look up "the Burning Bush" and read about a bush "consumed by flames----but not HARMED."



    When I opened up my fortune cookie from Chang's (which have been very 'blah')---it said: "Bide your time... Success is upon you".



    I HOPE someone is trying to tell me something! I'll take my good signs anywhere I can get them.



    Bless you all.

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  • mamasixtaz
    mamasixtaz Member Posts: 319
    edited April 2013

    My BS going over the first biopsy report explaining what it said.  My son and DH were also there with me.  She looked at my son and said, " when your mom is up at 3:00 AM she is thinking about cancer, and the fear it causes, but we are going to make sure we treat it and give her nights of rest for the future. " He couldn't hold back the tears. 

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    I was I church at my niece's 1st Holy Communion yesterday and I was kneeling at the end of the pew next to my wife, but away from my girls, who were further down my row sitting between my wife's mom and aunt.



    The last time I was in church was last year at MY daughter's Communion.



    I listened intently to everything. I heard the priest say to the congregation: "Jesus tells us to NOT be afraid".



    I began to weep. I tried to keep this from everyone as I am supposed to be THE ROCK. You see, I am the antithesis of all those husbands out there who seem to NOT feel what you are all going through. This was the 1st time in these almost 7 months that I have not been able to check my emotions publicly. I still thought maybe I'd hidden it. My 2 girls didn't see me.



    But afterwards, my wife's aunt---who stayed with us for a month after the BMX to help (she lives several states away) and again for a month after chemo started---approached me. We were alone and she said: "What's goin on? I saw you in church...Look at me (and she grabbed my shoulders)... Everything is going to be OK."



    She wasn't sugarcoating anything or being patronizing. She was just reassuring me and comforting me.



    And I needed it.

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited April 2013

    "My breast surgeon said survival odds for ALL stage II women (i.e. one, two or three positive nodes) is 85%.  If your wife has only one positive node, her odds should be higher."

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  • DarkKiss
    DarkKiss Member Posts: 12
    edited May 2013

    I was afraid to show my scars to my 8 yr old boy; one day he came bursting into my bedroom when I was dressing and he said "OMG". I briefly explained it all to him and assured him I was ok.  On our drive to school he said "I just feel sory for my sister since you will never be able to have another lil girl for her to play with" and I asked why? and he said "that poor baby will die of hunger!!! you can ever never feed another baby... 

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