I look for other flat chested women. A rant.

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  • Starak
    Starak Member Posts: 536
    edited April 2013

    Good Job MT1.  Thank you for starting the new thread.  It has truly been needed.

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  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 2,042
    edited April 2013

    Thanks MT1 for the new thread.  I think it's very important that women know before surgery that it's ok NOT to have recon if that is what they want.

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  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited April 2013

    I have been on the new thread -- it is excellent.  Please do go if you haven't already.  We are helping to form, or to collect, a specific vocabulary, a language, for those who may choose to be flat.  We're making it a viable option for those who might choose it, but don't know how.  And we're educating people -- doctors, social workers, nurses, onlookers -- we are giving those people a vocabulary for how to speak to us.

    That being said, I have to go to a pool party in june.  What bathing suit should I have to rock flatness.  Speedo?  Or one of those swim tees that have spf?  I have bottoms I could wear with that.  The "mastectomy options" in the Lands' End catalogue are making me angry today. 

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  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 2,439
    edited April 2013

    I checked out the new thread and added a comment. Excellent work, MT1!!!!!!

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  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 2,042
    edited April 2013

    I think this says a lot in how comfortable we are in our flatness.

     

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited April 2013

    Hi Bobo girl, I think any of the athletic looking suits would look great if you want to "Rock the Flat" look! There are some competition suits that have great color combinations, with no bra inside to ruin the look.

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  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited April 2013

    Yes, I want the ones with no bra inside.  Right!  Competition suits.  :)

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  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited April 2013

    OMG Kath!  That's what my kitty Miguel sees when he looks in the mirror :)

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  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 2,042
    edited April 2013

    Hi Bobogirl, I bought a competition suit by TYR.  It's reversible and covers my scars under my arms very nicely.  Speedo has some nice ones as well.  I was very frustrated when I was looking last year because I didn't want the bra as well and I totally know what you mean when it comes to the mastectomy suits.  

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  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited April 2013

    Reversible!  Kath, that sounds excellent.  That sounds like it will be nice and thick, since it has double-siding.

    Yes -- just looking at suits today, online -- I got one of those 'swim tees' to wear with bottoms I already own, but.. hated the thought of those 'shelf bras,' and underwire is out of the question.  

    The mastectomy pockets just seemed so ridiculous to me.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  But... people who have written about it and worry... 'what if I bend over?'  'what if the foob floats away?' I feel so sorry.  I wish they wouldn't have such worries.

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  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 2,439
    edited April 2013

    KathinDC, that is a GREAT post! I laughed so hard - I am actually fairly short, 5'1", but I never felt short. I have always had a rather feisty attitude, was never intimidated by all the tall men in my profession, but the only times I have ever felt short was when I stood next to a guy who was over 6'10" - that truly made me realize how short I am. One of my favorite songs was "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy - HEAR ME ROAR!!!!! Just living my life as a lionness, even though I am really just a little kitty .... Wink

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  • Outfield
    Outfield Member Posts: 1,109
    edited April 2013

    Met a fellow flattie over the weekend, we never talked about it specifically but I was so happy to see someone just out there living her life with no apparent attempt to hide her flatness.  It was by far not the thing about her I will remember the most.  

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  • rockermom66
    rockermom66 Member Posts: 69
    edited April 2013

    I've been out and about with no boobs and I honestly don't think anyone has noticed! I'm sure when I see people who know what's going on they will inspect without being obvious.. not looking forward to that but it is what it is. I'm not exactly thin so I think I look really weird with my "curves" and no fat at all on my chest area. I wonder how long it will take to gain some fat in the area. 

    It seems like now I am so tuned into checking out everyones boobs, it's funny. I do look for other flatties, I think I've seen a couple but I'm not really sure!

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  • feelingfeline
    feelingfeline Member Posts: 5,664
    edited April 2013

    Kath in DC, love the pic, just saved it to my desktop.

    Linda your post made me smile, I'm 5'5". Will be seeing my oncologist today who is 6'11". He's Irish but grew up in US. Lucky he didn't stay there or he might have drifted into basketball instead of medicineLaughing

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  • CCFW
    CCFW Member Posts: 661
    edited February 2014

    del

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  • MT1
    MT1 Member Posts: 371
    edited April 2013

    CCFW, what a great dental story!

    I saw my aunt for the first time since surgery this weekend and BOY did she act strangely! She got up to hug me, and afterward she bent over to look at my chest. She looked me up and down from the bent over position several times. I was not going to be verbal for her, there was no way I was going to try to relieve that awkwardness or open up a discussion. I let that crap pass without words.

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  • feelingfeline
    feelingfeline Member Posts: 5,664
    edited April 2013

    CC, beautiful post. So well expressed. You have really captured it. I agree with every word. I just saw my oncologist today, had a little chat and banter with my sisters-in-arms in the waiting area. You are right, it is different between fellow cancer  patients. I agree with MT1 too, great story about the dentist! XXX

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  • crystalphm
    crystalphm Member Posts: 1,138
    edited April 2013

    MT, I have alot of people who think 10 times before they hug me, and some stick their butts out so far so really, it is like a shoulder hug, I am just waiting until I have to nerve to say to one of these lame huggers "Are you worried I will hurt you? :-)

    I was a size 38C, and yesterday I wore foobs a size A, just to feel ok about myself for a day (and not concave), see if they hurt (they did) and also I have long necklaces that dangle all over without boobs, so anyway, I gave it a try.

    Later in the night my husband  (who is totally supportive) says "you do know the little mounds don't look anything like real, don't you?" I cracked up laughing, me thinking I looked normal with my little bitty microbead foobs pressed flat against me, and well, it was all a part of my healing to actually laugh about myself and finally...not cry.

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  • MT1
    MT1 Member Posts: 371
    edited April 2013

    crystalphm, I guess I am lucky to have a convex chest, I was talking to another survivor a few weeks back and realized that some women have a concave structure and for those women it can be quite tough to go flat. I am glad you have been able to embrace some humor. My husband has called me the Titless Wonder, and I must say, I would love to have a shirt made, perhaps with a super heroine type logo!

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited April 2013

    I am nodding in agreement about the strange new "Hug". I have one friend who greets me with the biggest warmest hug when I see her, and I love it, but everyone else does this weird stick out the butt, shoulder hug thing.

    We are a pretty huggy nation here in Australia, so I guess I will have to get used to it.

    I have a wonderful new friend who is a "uni" too, but a leftie, she is in her 80's and a sensational human being. When we hug it is a foob to foob bounce. LOL

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  • MT1
    MT1 Member Posts: 371
    edited April 2013

    I just found this and thought some of you might be interested in reading it: 

    http://intl-pwq.sagepub.com/content/early/2011/03/03/0361684310395606.full.pdf

    It is about lesbian and bisexual women and how they embrace or manage mastectomy and body image, I haven't finished reading it myself. 

    I am a bisexual woman. I have dated/loved women as well as men. I am married and in a commited relationship with a man, but I am still a bisexual woman-I can't change this and it does not change because of the gender of the person I have decided to commit myself to. Over the last few months I have been thinking deeply about my choice to go bilaterally flat. For years prior to being diagnosed I often thought about and even dreamt about being a flat chested woman. I had never really liked my breasts, I am a Tom Boy, I love being female, being a woman, but breasts, my breasts, were a disappointment and held me back.

    So now I am a flat chested woman. And I have to say, I think this is who, what and how I was supposed to be from the start. I must admit that it feels strange to say these things, but it is my truth and I am OK with it. It feels funny to be happy to be flat chested after breast cancer! I mourn the loss of my breasts too. All at once and in different directions, mourning, loss, good riddance, and releif.

    When I was first diagnosed I bought Susan Love's Breast Book. In it I read, for the first time in my life, that not all women like their breasts. Boy did that feel validating. I also now realize that this doesn't make me any less womanly or a female. It may make me different, but I knew that already. Anyway, I think it is time I 'out' myself. I want to be ALL of who I am. Breast cancer has heightened this for me, brought me and my needs and wishes to the forefront. It has reignited an identity that I have held close for many years. I don't want to hide anymore. 

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  • River_Rat
    River_Rat Member Posts: 1,724
    edited April 2013

    MT1, I'm glad that you feel safe and don't have to hide here. Being conflicted regarding the loss/good riddance of our breasts is something I think many can identify with for various reasons.

    Edited to keep things simple.

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  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 2,439
    edited April 2013

    MT1, your openness, honesty, raw emotions at times - these are so wonderful, and you are doing such a great service to open the dialogue. You challenge assumptions based on nothing more than opinion and stereotypes. It makes us THINK rather than blindly follow without good reason. Some of us will continue to go flat, some of us will use foobs occasionally or regularly, but you have opened our eyes to the possiblities out there. Thanks!

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  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited April 2013

    Love you MT1!  Support you completely.  Thank you for helping to create a safe space for women who choose flatness.  This space can include our sisters who choose something else as they navigate breast cancer issues -- any combination of other things -- but who support us.

    {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

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  • carlads
    carlads Member Posts: 241
    edited April 2013

    http://nancyspoint.com/the-sum-of-all-my-parts-a-guest-post-on-feminism-breast-cancer-awareness-more/

    Hi Ladies

    I haven't posted on this thread in such a long time..  Just getting through Chemo, last treatment Aoril 25th!

    I had to share this article with all of you.  It is a great article.  I hope you are able to open it.

    Carla

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  • River_Rat
    River_Rat Member Posts: 1,724
    edited April 2013

    Carla, great link! Congratulations on being almost done with chemo.

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  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited April 2013

    Hooray Carla!!

    If my two seven-year-olds were there, they would say... two! four! six! eight!  Who do we appreciate?  Carla!  Carla!  Yaaaaay  CARLA!!!  :)

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  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 2,042
    edited April 2013

    Carla, almost finished chemo, yeah for you.  Thank you for that great link!

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  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited April 2013

    Great link - I hate being pinked and would love to feel ok enough to choose flatness but I don´t.....somehow the pinking makes it seem like breast cancer is not as serious as other cancers........yet we all know differently

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  • cooka
    cooka Member Posts: 278
    edited April 2013

    MTI, thanks for your post and article.  This is an interesting article (Cancer Butch) that I may have posted before, but I think it is very relevant to this discussion. discusses gender and the 'being pinked' dynamic, etc. 

    http://www.stanford.edu/dept/anthropology/cgi-bin/web/?q=system/files/jain_cancerbutch.pdf

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