Depressed

Hi



It seems its very common to feel like this post treatment so be kind to yourself ( i don't find it easy either!) i am still missing a breast and gaining weight thanks to hormones so feel for and with you......no easy answers its a process we have to go through to ad just to our new ( normal) .........it is far from easy.....

Dlm it really is hard people act as if it were a cold but we hav yrs of check ups ahead I have alienated my self from most and do often end up in bed and losing weight is so hard well im not much help but we can go mad together </p>

dlm217:

i am having a similar experience.  i saw something the other day that said "you survive, then you cry". that's what is happening to me. now that i am through the worst of it, for now, i am all over the place. i'm angry, hurt, sad, etc etc.  it reminds me of grieving for my mom and sister.  i do ok and then a wave of feelings come over me.

now that i am through most of the physical therapy (my reconstruction caused a great deal of muscle pain), i can afford to see a counselor.  i have an appointment next week. meanwhile, i'm also talking to understanding folks when i can.

i'm also going on a vacation. this has been a sh*tty year, emotionally and physically, and i just need a break.  like grief, i guess this is just going to take time and take me venting and being gentle with myself. this sucks. it just does.  glad you're here talking about it.

Dim, preach it sister. I should hve taken you to the doctor with me today to explain this very thing. Every part of my body hurts. I have no energy to get up and do anything. I have severe bouts of crying and then I remember that oh yeah I have pills to take for depression and they would probably work better if I took them. I am suppose to be working 20 hours a week but havent even been able to do that much. All I want to do is stay in my bed too. Oh I adopted a girl 6 months before I was diagnosed and she is 3 now. I just cant keep up with her.

edited to add.. I cant remember crap, I still have cotton mouth from chemo which my last dose was December 18th. My doctor is referring me to physical therapy to see if they can get me moving again. So now I get to pay to go exercise. Yay.

Dim, This is such a common thread.  I say this not to make you feel worse, but to make you feel better.  I have some thoughts about the subject.  First is that getting a cancer diagnosis means that you have to do through the stages of grief in order to integrate what you know to be true into your mind and emotions.  The second thing is that while we are in active treatment (which generally begins soon after being diagnosed), we don't really have time to go through the process of making the whole thing real.  Then, when we are finished with treatment and the Dr. et al say everything is good and we are living our lives as if nothing has happened, we begin to realize that SOMETHING HUGE HAPPENED and we skipped over the part of making it real in our heads.  That was the reason I found it difficult to move on from being in a stuck place.   It's also the time when many of the women come to these boards.  It's possible that I may be wrong about the reason why so many of us go through the same issues, but I thought I'd throw my 2 cents out there   It's a long process...

I exercise and take 5 HTP now and beginning to feel a little brighter but still hugely tired.....its my diagnosis cancerversary today.....one year........

I so can relate to all of the same feelings. One minute I am fine and the next I am crying and angry and would love to have a huge drama fit, you know like the ones on TV where they throw and break everything in sight. I know that I can get through this, but really how much more can I take.

As a therapist told me years ago after my mother in law died, asking for help is actually a sign of strength not a sign of weakness. So ask away!

I also went through a couple bouts of depression, way before BC.  I remember like it was yesterday, after being in therapy for a few months, my psychologist said I should be farther along and suggested I needed medication.  I broke down and cried because I felt like a failure that I couldn't fix myself.  But, the issue was, my brain chemistry was f!@#ed up.  I was on medication for only a short time; I got better. 

Dim217, I'm on an anti-depressant for Seasonal Affective Disorder, yet I feel the same as you.  Finished rads a month ago.  Talked to my Dr.s at my one month follow up and I'm going to see a cancer psychologist tomorrow morning.  As others have suggested to me, this is not unusual, in fact it's probably PTSD.  Please look into it and I think you'll see your symptoms are the same as those with PTSD.  I'm not sure if they'll adjust my meds yet or not, but anti-depressants changed my life.  I'm so glad I'm going to talk with a psychologist who is a cancer expert. I want to get on with my life.  I don't know why it's so hard to ask for help sometimes, but you shouldn't be afraid of anti-depressants.  Maybe talking to someone who knows what you're going through can help.  God bless my family, but they don't get it.  I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow. (((hugs)))

I think I'd start with my RO or MO first and ask about a cancer psychologist.  I think most primaries can start you out on something, but if there needs to be a change in meds they want you to go to a psychiatrist.  I may have more info tomorrow.  My hospital has been great about the medical side of things, but I think they're really lacking in the mental well being of their cancer patients.  I know we're bombarded with so much at the beginning, but i wish someone told me that PTSD is common in BC patients and here's what you should look for and here's who to call if you're struggling.  They have 3 cancer psychologists on staff, so clearly there's a need....they just need to let people know they have options!  Sheila:)

Hi all,

Wondering how to handle a BC diagnosis and treatment when don't feel like I had a life before BC diagnosis and will be more of the same after diagnosis? Spent most of my life caring for others. Took on a niece and nephew at ages 3 & 6 when had two kids of my own and raised them through teenage years. Cared for grandma after grandpa passed. Moved closer to help which is okay and where I grew up and want to be. After grandma passed at age 91 (she had a special daughter she cared for all those years), helped Mom and stepdad care for her. Mom passed in 2006 of lung cancer. Helped stepdad care for Aunt next 1 1/2 years till he passed. Promised Mom on her deathbed that I would care for Aunt. I have been caring for her last 5 years while working full time job. Help from one sister on most weekends but we are house bound for the most part. Especially me. I care for her every night and essentially every weekend. I cannot break my promise to Mom. Then BC diagnosis. I have let the relationship with hubby take second to caring for her, kids etc... we are still together because he is a good guy (25 years married). I had hoped after kids grown we could have a more meaningful relationship then all else happened. Kinda give up on that now. I am trying to stay positive and we will be getting more help in here on weekends so we can go do things together. I am doing okay but sure do get depressed sometimes with the situation. Having a hard time with resentment towards other family members who have never helped with her. She has several siblings but none of them call or come see her. She cries sometimes and I am sure it is because she misses them. I have several siblings too but only one helps me. It seems that I don't have the time to focus on me or my diagnosis. I feel selfish when I do focus on me. Don't get naps, rest, etc...EVERYONE expects me to keep going with minimal help while working full time and doing treatments. I feel very alone most of time and angry. Hubby has pretty much resorted to watching t.v. over the years and I can't blame him. Do I have the right to feel like this? Thought about not posting this because I feel like I am whining. I dont regret helping everyone all these years but wish I could just have some me time for awhile. Hard to be positive when this will probably be my future. All I can hope is that things change for the better for me. Maybe the extra help, I hope. I hope things get better for all of you too. Take care.

sarahrc,  what antidepressant did your doc put you on?  Effexor is the one main antidepressant that can be taken in conjunction with Tamoxifen.  The reason is that other's can interfer with the metabolism of Tamoxifen making it less effective.  Under most any other circumstance you could just try a different one, but you had better check and make sure it's compatable with Tamoxifen.  There are some other antipdepressants that can be taken with Tamoxifen, but none as compatable as Effexor.  Good-luck!

sarahrc, here is a link for you!

Antidepressants and Tamoxifen - Harvard Health Publications