Please give me hope.... Very personal

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raindeer1217
raindeer1217 Member Posts: 90
edited June 2014 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

Hi. I am new here. Just DX 3/13/13 IDC. I've been handling things considerably well. Surrounded by friends and a boyfriend that is very supportive.



Here is the thing... I am young active sporty love life.



I can handle the change in body image I can handle the treatments, I am tuff I adapt. I know I can beat this.



So here is my question, (blushing) sex. I am reading post about woman not having sex for a year or years with their significant other?! I love sex I love being intimate with by HB. Is there hope? Can someone tell me treatment side effects of breast cancer isn't or didn't destroy their intamcy ?



I know there are more important things for me to worry about but I just need a little glimmer.



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  • odie16
    odie16 Member Posts: 1,882
    edited April 2013

    Don't worry. Some of us still have active and satisfying sex lives despite breast cancer treatment. It may change things but then again maybe not..... Good luck!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2013

    Raindeer, hopefully someone will come along to post the links, but you may want to search for the topic of sex. There are two or three extensive threads dealing with this exact thing, and several suggestions for things that worked for handling vaginal dryness. It is generally the removal of the estrogen in a body that eventually causes the problem. Since you are ER+, I am assuming that your MO will suggest tamoxifen for you. It's possible that chemo has an effect, but as I haven't yet received it, I can't speak to that. Definitely check with your MO and gyn before using anything. The sooner you can work on this, the better you'll be so I commend you for taking the risk to ask. So sorry you have to be here but you'll find a pretty great bunch of people to help you along the way. Hugs and Light.

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  • maryah930
    maryah930 Member Posts: 322
    edited April 2013

    My DH's support and behavior through my dx, surgery and chemo has brought us closer, physically and emotionally. Although I was too fatigued, emotionally and physically, until about a month or two after chemo, sex is not a problem now.  Embarassed  IMHO, I think it can depend on many things and not just the BC dx, the treatment (surgery, chemo, etc.), but your own feelings of sexuality after all is said and done.

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  • Natlie38
    Natlie38 Member Posts: 39
    edited April 2013

    raindeer. Things will change for a while but it does get back to normal. 

    Listening to women having no sex for one year may seem long now but once you are in active treatment before you realize it may be months before you will want to have sex. I am not sure what your treatment plan will be but surely chemo will pause things for a while. 

    My best wishes to you. 

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  • TarheelMichelle
    TarheelMichelle Member Posts: 871
    edited April 2013

    Rain, I can tell you that I stopped a treatment, even though it was working great, because it was ruining my sex life with my new husband. It was becoming impossible to be intimate w/o pain, even when following all the medical advice on how to make it better. It didn't. We couldn't even cuddle because of my constant hot/cold flashes. I hope my new treatment will have good results because I feel a lot better physically and mentally. (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.) Not every woman can choose a treatment that will spare her sex life but it's your right to demand that your needs be considered when mapping out a treatment plan. It's cruel that the treatment that saves lives can make women dried up, sexless creatures. Don't be afraid to ask/complain about side effects to your doc, or to see an oncologist that specializes in sex issues. Even with best intentions of maintaining your sex life, a lot can get in the way. You are smart to seek answers to your intimate happiness now. Maybe some people can live without sex for a year but uh, not me.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited April 2013

    Rain, the main Breastcancer.org site has an extensive section on Sex and Intimacy - check the list of subjects down the left side of the main page at the link.

    Ysa mentioned some threads here on the discussion boards that you may want to check too:

    .

    Please note that the second thread is in the Stage IV forum, but plenty to read without posting.

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  • Jennt28
    Jennt28 Member Posts: 2,021
    edited April 2013

    I sobbed to my doctor about this subject at my first appointment back in early 2012, and she told me not to worry too much because most women she treated didn't have major problems.



    Over a year later and I can tell you that my hubby and I continued to have good sex through chemo and right up to now. While there have been challenges along the way (lubrication, less sensitivity) I feel that most of them were psychological. I have found that what is going on in my head is actually really important.



    Actually, I think we were probably in a rut before all this happened and because we've had to shake things up we are now more intimately close :-)



    By the way, I was 46 and pre-menopausal when diagnosed and am now about to turn 48 this month...



    Jenn

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2013

    An additional resource is, http://nosurrenderbreastcancerhelp.org/ 

    That site has been a help to me.

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  • msphil
    msphil Member Posts: 1,536
    edited April 2013

    hello sweetie, I am a long time Survival (19) ys this yr, and am here to giv out HOPE and Inspiration, it is my mission to help others going thru, so please know I will be here for you and so will us all,BUT you must have HOPE and always Positive thinking to get thru all of this,it worked for me and you must believe this can happen for you.  msphil(Praise GOD for all HIS strength that HE passed on to me.  msphil(idc, stage 2, 3 nodes, L mast, chemo and rads and 5 yrs on Tamoxifen)

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  • reginacash
    reginacash Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2013

    I have been n treatment since 09 n istill have a very active partnership its what you chose to make it. Havefun

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  • msphil
    msphil Member Posts: 1,536
    edited April 2013

    yes I do agree that sex does change for some it did for me, but Fiancee then husband was very patient and sex life did return to normal, msphil(19 yr this yr SURVIVOR) hang in there.

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  • alcb70
    alcb70 Member Posts: 166
    edited April 2013

    Sex does change (at least for me). It's more painful, and chemo made me so tired w/ hot flashes. As for my husband, he has been afraid to hurt me or make me feel obligated if I didn't feel well. He also was freaked out to touch my breast bc he didn't want to feel the tumor (mine was 5 cm). Now, since surgery, he is wierded out by the hard as rocks TE's. Psychologically, I don't feel sexy or attractive. All isn't lost....we've been married 24 yrs & we've become closer in other ways. Now that chemo is done, we're starting to get back to where we were. For us, sex has never been a huge focus (don't get me wrong...very nice focus...just not a huge part). I guess that makes it easier for us to handle the disruption. Looking forward to a new chapter after all this. Good luck! Everyone is different....just keep a good line of communication open. :)

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  • Chrisrenee77
    Chrisrenee77 Member Posts: 1,032
    edited June 2013

    raindeer- I understand where you are coming from. As far as sex goes, that depends on your energy level. You may have days that you have a ton of energy and want to go all night. There will be days when you don't want to have sex at all.  I am 36 and my sex life with my hubby is pretty active. He understands when I'm tired. Please keep in mind that I did not have Chemo/Rads so my energy level wasn't extemely low but I was anemic and had 3 surgeries in a span of 6 mos. Good luck.   Christy

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