Hello everyone- newbie.

RippersGirl · February 2013

Hello, all.

My name is Heather, I am 31, recently divorced from 10 years of marriage and raising 2 children. I moved in with my parents after the divorce and just last December we learned my 61 year old mother has breast cancer again. Her first occurence was 6 years ago, contained within the duct and treated with a mastectomy followed by 6 months of chemo. It looked good, easy removal, responded well to chemo.

Last year she began having some pain again in her chest wall on the mastecomy side. Her port scar also hurt. Her onco. blew it off as arthritis because she has RA and Fibro as well. Nine months later she went back as it had become unbearable to even lift her arm or wear a seatbelt. She has 2 tumors, one is quite engaged with her collarbone and muscle. The other lies in the chest wall under the port scar and there is a suspicious looking spot above the collarbone thought to possibly be a cancerous lymphnode.

I am caring for her. She is undergoing radiation 5 days a week for 7 weeks, 10 are boosts. Then an invasive surgery to get as much tumor as they can and then 38 more radiation treatments. I am terrified as she's made it clear she won't do anymore if this doesn't work.

I drive her everyday, help her change (can't lift her left arm without pain), wait, get her dressed and apply her cream. I do all the shopping, cooking and cleaning now plus take care of my own kiddos. My dad works nights and has kind of shut down and checked out. He just doesn't know how to be there for her and is in a lot of pain from back issues to begin with so he isn't helping around the house much but at the same time hes working full time at night- not easy at 58.

Please, I am open to any suggestions on how to be the best support I can for her and still keep my sanity. We don't have much in the way of outside help through friends or family.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this. Its nice to know I'm not alone.

mdg · February 2013

I would call the American Cancer Society - they have resources and maybe there is a way to get some help. Also you may look into Cleaning for a Reason - they clean for people going through treatment...I know they do for chemo, but not sure about rads. They do it for free. Do you have anyone in your church or neighborhood that can provide a little support? YOu have so much going on....wish I were closer...I would help! You are a wonderful daughter.....your mom is lucky to have you. Good luck to you both! Hugs!

beth1965 · February 2013

Hi Heather-i read your post and just wanted to say your mother must be so proud to have you for a daughter. It sounds like you love and care for her deeply. It also sounds like you are there for all her needs as well already.

If i were to suggest anything it would be 2 things

1-try to give her hope but understand she may need times just to feel sad and get it out.

2-probly the most important -take care of yourself you have alot on your plate right now and could get run down with so much going on. You being unwell will not help your mom it will give her more to worry about. If you take care of yourself-rest sleep eat and relax when needed you will be in a good frame of mind to talk and help your mom. You need energy leftover to be a mom yourself.

As i said you sound like a very loving daughter

I hope you mom does well with treatment

Hugs to you

Jac19 · March 2013

Just read your Hello. You do have a lot on your plate. Sounds like somebody did do the checks on things like they should have. My sis kept goining to the Dr for an unexplained cough and they kept telling her it was allergies. Hummmm, history of cancer and an unexplained cough???? Yup, somebody missed it there too.

Dad, poor guy works nights and is supposed to sleep during the day and try to deal with the shock/sadness/whatever from your Mom's diagnosis. Your poor Mom, thank God she has you. Not a judgement call on your Dad so please don't take it that way. He has to deal with this in his own time. There should be someone at the treatment center that can help you with local resources. Talk to them, and if there are options for someone to come into the home and help let them. Even if it's to run the vacum or do the dishes, you and Mom both need some assistance. Somehow my Sister got a $100 gas gift card from the Cancer Society, it sure helped. You might ask your local Cancer Society about it. If I can think of anything else I will message you. Take Care.

Upstreaming · March 2013

Hi Heather,

I'm a lurker who's been accompanying my dear friend on her BC journey. She has been diagnosed Stage IV but is doing well.

I'm also in Seattle. Have you checked out cancerlifeline.org? They provide all services for free and have classes and work with families and caregivers. One service they provide is a facilitator to meet with families to help them form care teams between families and friends.

They have a lovely facility near Greenlake. We just dropped by one day and someone took us around but they also have volunteers who take calls.

Best wishes to you in this challenging time!

geminisonia · April 2013

Hello. I am new also. My identical twin sis had a single mascectomy March 20, 2013. They first diagnosed herwith invasive ductal carcinoma...no stage then. Her tumor went from the size of a quarter to a baseball(8.5cm) in6wks theyremoved6 lymph nodes also from under her arm. March 29 we found out all 6 lymph nodes were positive for cancer...so the Oncologist ordered her to get a BRAC test, PET and Bone Scan. On April 11 we will get all those results and she also starts chemo that day. 6 months of chemo and 3 months of radiation. She is now diagnosed with Stage 3 Triple Negative Cancer. He told her she will lose her hair after her 2nd treatment of chemo. ) ':

You are a terrific daughter and keep on loving your momma. I will be there 100% for my sis. Any advice would be great. I'm scared, angry, confused and overwhelmed. I'm also in alil denial.

Love, Sonia

Hello everyone- newbie.

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