Need Advice

abauman33
abauman33 Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My husbands exwife has been diagnosed and she is in the last stage....they have a 23 year old son and I was just wondering if anyone has advice on the best way to help and support him through this!

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  • jgrjunque
    jgrjunque Member Posts: 47
    edited June 2006

    Hoo boy... this is a tough one and there are so many variables. But I think the key here is just letting him know you're there as someone he can talk to, vent to, cry with. He may (probably will) not want to show emotion with his Dad, but perhaps he can open up with you.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2006
    Be kind, be patient, be understanding and always speak from your heart.

    I don't know this young man obviously, but I would think there is the possibility that he might compare his mother to you, i.e. why my mother and not you? It's part of the grief process. It doesn't mean he feels that way, but he may go through that emotion. So be patient and understanding and know that it is not ABOUT you should that happen.

    It may not happen but grief produces many emotions and reactions that we think we would never be capable of.

    It's not an easy time and you are a wonderful person to be looking for a way to help.
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  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 1,358
    edited June 2006

    i'd say that the above is great advice, may i add that its important that you watch for signs that he blames his dad........i was separated at the time of my diagnosis, and my daughter was furious with her dad "for leaving me".......i had to do a lot of work on that front because she needs her dad no matter what........kudos to you for your genuine concern, sounds like by just asking, you're already on the right track.

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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited June 2006

    just love him and let him grieve for her, he is facing so much right now it is important that he know it is okay to feel sad and alone.

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  • csp
    csp Member Posts: 2,765
    edited June 2006
    I am so sorry to hear about your wife-in-law.
    That is what I affectionaly call my husbands ex~wife, because when there are children involved she became very much a part of my life also.

    If your relationship with your step children has been good and you have not said anything in the past derogatory about his Mother the support you offer will most likely be welcomed, but still I would tread carefully, but by all means tell him you are here for him. The worst someone can do is say nothing .

    You even asking shows you are a thoughtful person, and I am sure you will handle it with tack and kindness.

    Hugs,
    Carrie
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