My mom's breast cancer has spread...I am so scared.

What you are feeling is very normal.

Like you said it has been a tough year. There is still grief for your grandma and now this. 

There is so much in your post to respond to but I'm going with hold on and look after each other. That doesn't mean not doing your own things. You need that that normalcy in your life and you still have your own life to live. I can hear how much you want to be there for your mum and you are but you have a life too. Your mum is probably having her sad times too and won't be wanting to add to your burden.It is all normal to feel overwhelmed and so truly devastated by this. Scared is perfectly ok. 

Once treatment gets underway and you both can see how things are working you might feel more in control.

Maybe you could look into whether your cancer centre has counselling help for women and their families. Being able to raise all your fears with a professional and not keep them inside might help get some control back. It might be good for you mum too. She will be dealing with stuff from caring for your grandma to her own stuff to what is happening with you. She might need help sorting all that out. Just an idea. Lots of things will be swirling around just now and time will help to settle them.

Never feel bad for smiling and having fun. Life is for being happy too and it is so important to get some joy and happiness in such a tough time.It doesn't might you are not treating things seriously enough but if we didn't laugh sometimes we would spend way too much time crying and that helps no-one.

Life is hard to understand sometimes and we question why? There is no real answer to that either. Just getting on with loving each other and living each day the best way we know how.

All the very best to your mum and you. 

Moira

What you are feeling is completely normal. My mother was diagnosed back in 2001 with Stage IIIA breast cancer, again in 2010 with Stage II, and most recently, it spread to her bones, liver, and around the lung back in June of last year. 8 months later and she's still here with us fighting this disease but she's slipping away and it's terrible to watch this happen but I have to stay strong for my mother, just as you'll need to stay strong for yours. I wish your mother the best of luck with her battle and hope you guys both stay strong and as possitive as you can be.

Message me anytime if you have any questions. I've been doing this for 12 years, my mother was 50 years old when she was first diagnosed and I was 19 years old. Now she's 62 and I'm 31.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I felt guilty all the time when my mom was ill and I was out enjoying myself. She passed away in August at the age of 54 and I still feel guilty if I smile or laugh. You sound like a great daughter and I know how hard it is to think this must be a nightmare. I wish it was. My mom use to say cancer is harder on the loved ones then the patient. I'm not sure about that because cancer patients go through so much physically and emotionally. My mom was my best friend and I know she never wanted me to feel guilty about enjoying myself and I know your mom feels the same way.