SO frustrated!!

Hi there

Just to warn you I am going to have a rant now!!!

I had DCIS and had a mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction in December. At first I felt that everyone was great, I had the lovely flat stomach I had been promised (sounds like a silly shallow thing but the thought of that got me thru the op!). However since then have had numerous problems, despite having a great surgeon. My belly button "died" after the op so had another operation to correct it but it is still puss filled and horrible. My stomach has developed a horrible bulge (not a hernia). The surgeon is aware of this and IS going to sort it he said, obviously he has told me I need to wait a while first to let stuff heal until we look at all the things that need correcting.

It is just so frustrating and not getting any understanding from hubby and family. About everything else they have been fantastic, Shopping, housework, driving me to hospital, being there for me every step of the way between them I cannot fault them. But now they seem to have this mentality, and I am sure they're not the only ones that says "Thankgod you're alive stop moaning about other stuff." I totally agree with that but it doesn't make it any easier! I feel like such a selfish *sshole even saying this! Had a massive argument with hubby about it as he said I was taking stuff fo granted and told me to stop moaning about a stupid bulge and go and do some sit ups, my dad even mentioned the other day about maybe losing weight will help! I know they don't realise what they are saying, the surgeon has already said the bulge is either fluid from the belly button infection or it might be loss of muscle which he hastened to add is through no fault of my own. How can it be lol when I only had the op a couple of months ago and was advised by everyone to take it easy!! I have lost nearly a stone since the operation so it's nothing to do with weight, and sits up won't help at this stage! It makes me angry - it's not as if I ate too much over xmas then I would have nobody to blame but myself for developing a pot belly! I have had issues over weight all my life and been morbidly obese 3 times before, I am finally the weight I am happy with (ten and a half stone) and now I get this tum!!

Also have not been sleeping well, waking up with a bad back in my lower back each morning. Again hubby told me to just get on with it. I am just sick of hearing that because I am lucky to be alive I have to put up with second best! I know I am blessed to have got this cancer sorted but I don't feel lucky - I see lucky people as those that have never had cancer that are walking around now happy and just moaning about trivial stuff like their hair or their jobs - yet if they moaned about not sleeping well etc would people say to them "you're lucky to be alive" I doubt it!

All through this people have told me I have "coped" so well and been amazing, well I kind of have. I contemplated going to see counsellors, taking anti-depressants but I have risen above it, but at the same time if feels like I am not allowed to have a (long overdue) moan about stuff going on with me. I explained this to hubby (very angry and upset I was too) and he said he did understand. I told him that I listen to his moans and whinges about everyday life and am sympathetic! I said to him - is he gonna use that line about being lucky to be alive for every situation? If the bed was broke or the window pane smashed am I expected to not moan because after all "at least I'm still here" lol! If there is a problem in my life I don't see why I can't moan, and see what to do about fixing it!

I am really sorry to vent like this it would be lovely if anyone else has had a similar experience then I will know I am not going mad!!