Starting Chemo April 2009

Amy, I agree with Geri, I am pleased that you have made the decision. At least once you have had the surgery, you know that it is behind you and you can look ahead. And yes, we are most definitely in a very different place this year to Spring of 2009. How long is the recovery after the surgery? I send you only good thoughts and much love that this should pass easily for you.

Geri, how are you feeling now? Helen, how are you?

Well, I am ok. Had a house full last night - I know, not the best for me, but we had friends here from the US and we wanted to see them. It was a lovely evening, and not too late, so that was ok. I am looking forward to some serious pj time on Saturday and we have some friends coming over on Sat night for a drink - nothing too heavy.

Hope everyone is ok, sending you all hugs, Judy x

Wow Helen - how interesting - the drugs may help enough to avoid the surgery. That would be so great.  I would still want you to be OFF the drugs and be sure the pain does not return, before you cancel surgery though. You can't stay on those anti inflammatories forever.

Made a bunch of medical phone calls yest. If I have to step into the medical world, I am going to DIVE in and get everything done. Mammo set for mid March and appt with surgeon too. 

"Serious pj time" - what an awesome expression, Judy. Thanks - I love it and plan to use it regularly!

Also I told my trainer about the upcoming surgery and asked for direction on how to best use the next month at the gym to prepare myself for it. he wants a day or two to research and will get back to me. Curious to see what he says.

Helen, good to hear that you are feeling better, but please check with your doctor before cancelling the surgery. Long term meds may not be the best solution either. Let us know what you decide.

Amy, great that you are taking matters into your own hands and getting things done. Would love to hear what your trainer says about the pre op training.

Florbo, best of luck for next week. Really hoping it all goes well. Our imaginations can cost us a lot of sleepless nights and worry, but I completely understand where you are coming from. As always, we will all be there with you virtually holding your hand as you go in.

And yes, pjs are a great gift, I got some when I was diagnosed, there is just nothing like putting them on after the shower and getting into that relaxed mode...

Geri, hope you are doing ok. Sending hugs to you all for a great weekend!

Judy x

Meeting with the gynocological oncologist tomorrow for a little second opinion and pre surgical consult. I guess that is weird b/c I have made up my mind, but I still want to run the situation by him and see if there are any other options or what the risk is of not doing it. Being an oncologist and treating reproductive area cancers, i can't IMAGINE he is going to say anything that is comfortable with risk. I mean - he sees women struggle with and die from the very cancers I would avoid by having the surgery. So that is the position I expect him to take.

I REALLY don't like going to the cancer center (where i was treated) for anything other than a quick checkup. This feels too much like being a patient (again). I am going to push through it and will report back what I learn. 

But I can tell it has been bothering me subconsciously. i have had a lot of trouble focusing and concentrating. And I am not sleeping well at all.

Well I should know more tomorrow anyway. Stay tuned......

Amy, really hope the appointment goes ok for you. I imagine it will be hard for you to go into the Cancer Center again. It is completely understandable that this is bothering you and disturbing your sleep. Hopefully, once you have been, you will have a clearer mind as to the plan and will be able to get going until this is all behind you. Please let us know how it goes, thinking of you and sending you hugs.

Florbo, sending you a HUGE HUG for today!!! Hope everything goes well and please come by when you can to let us know how you are feeling. We are all with you virtually, hope that helps a little .

Hope everyone is doing well, sending you all hugs, Judy x

So I saw the gynecological oncologist yesterday. It was MUCH harder than I thought to be in the building as a patient again. I had to walk past the place I got my blood drawn each time (lab) prior to chemo, the place I got radiation, etc etc - like a BAD trip down memory lane.

When I checked in, I had a LONG wait and luckily they had an absolutely adorable little therapy dog there, and he was a great distraction. I forgot how they always have those shows I hate like Regis on the tvs in the waiting room.

By the time they took me back (45 min later), I wasn't doing so well. My daughter was texting me pictures of baby bunnies and chocolate fountains to help me get through it, which was so sweet, it really did help.

ANYWAY....he was absolutely amazing. Very brilliant and patient and thorough. Just sat and answered all my questions, explained everything to me. Best med appt I've ever had.  
His thought is that there is NO increased risk of endometrial cancer from the bleeding UNLESS it is from atypical hyperplasia (precancerous cells in the uterus). He said the burden of proof is on them to show it is NOT cancer once you have the post meno bleeding. 

BUT he said that endo cancer is slow growing (can take years) and that if I have a clean D&C once/year, it is good for the next year and i would  not need to worry. He DID say that 85% of uterine cancers are cured by surgery (hyster) but 15% are either spread to lymph or other organs once discovered. He said he works with women w stage 3 or 4 gyno cancers who die all the time. (Lovely thought, right?) So it sort of reminded me we are dealing with something serious here, not just the thought of avoiding surgery.

He DID say that he would be comfortable with me having an annual D&C any year that I had bleeding, get biopsy and then be good for another year.

And I thought about it a lot. The thought of avoiding surgery is VERY enticing (of course). But the thought of waiting a whole year to get a biopsy, waiting for results, possibly having given a cancer an entire year to grow and spread before being discovered....well, that seems VERY unpleasant, stressful and kind of risky.

So...at this point, I am going to plan to have the surgery. I am going to take a few more days to think about it, but am pretty sure that is how it is going to go.

Feeling reasonably calm about things.  

Thanks, all. 

FLORBO - congrats on port removal. BEST day of the whole cancer experience for me. I asked if I could keep it, they said no, hazmat violation. But when they removed it, they showed it to me....then I didn't want to keep it anymore. Yuck. GLAD it's gone!

Hi, ladies.  Amy, your doctor sounded like he really cared and allowed you to ask enough questions to make your decision.  I had a hysterectomy at 28, after suffering for years with incapacitating endometriosis (which I believe is somehow all related to the BC - autoimmune issues, anyone?) and it really wasn't that terrible.  Ended all of the horrific pain and I only wish I had had the remaining ovary out at the same time, because the endo was back 7 years later on that ovary and I had to get it out.   I am glad you were able to come to the decision calmly and clearheaded and I don't blame you - I would make the same decision.  The agony of waiting and wondering each time?  Heck no, we've been through enough!

Florbo, sorry to see that you have to get back in the treatment saddle.  Hugs to you for an easy journey with as little se's as possible.

I hit my 4 year cancerversary on Feb. 14 - and as usual as I enter the time of year when I was going through cancer hell, I find it hard not to feel a bit down, dark and sad.  I don't know why, I mean, I am alive and NED, but I guess it's the psychological thing of it all and PTSD of a sort.  Anyway, trying to get out of that place (worrying, what if, and all these new aches and pains which I know are coming from being 50, and I STILL have painful discharge from the bc breast that makes me insane but still . . . ).

I hope you all are doing well and fingers crossed for Helen, Florbo, Amy and anyone who is undergoing surgeries or treatments, and a big hug to all of you.  

Michele

I also didn't think about the date but my surgery was actually 4 years ago yesterday - Feb. 28 but I had my dx confirmed a couple of weeks before that. Still dealing with the demons though.

Amy, keeping my thoughts and good wishes for you - hopefully it will go easily and you'll be feeling much better. I agree that you are doing the right thing.

Michele, I also had endometriosis - a long time ago. Had one ovary removed at the time and never had a problem again as i got pregnant right away and that seemed to "cure" the problem. But it was very painful.

Florbo, Judy, Geri - thinking about all of you. Last week my excruitiating back pain just stopped. Need to talk to my doctor as I don't think I want surgery if I don't have pain. How come nothing ever goes smoothly? Although I'm not complaining this time.

Hugs to you all!  I'm always sappy, angry, grateful when my cancerversary rolls around, too.  For me, 2/18 /09 was the first one.  Now, I don't think mine will be until after rads are done.  However, I feel that February will always be a hard month because of the surgeries I've gone through.

Well, I'm alive and kicking.  My surgery was slated at 2 pm.  They got me to pre-op around 1:45.  Then they made me take off my underwear.  New policy they said.  That left me in a bad mood because I was getting cold and felt breezy.  My dear hubby fashioned me a diaper from a warm blanket.  I felt like Capt. Underpants.  If you have elementary age kids, they wil know the series.  I am wheeled upstairs to OR and my pastor was waiting there.  He prayed with us and I felt better.  Then my sister-in-law showed up which was really nice.  My IV was started on the first try.  Then my friend and neighbor who is a very capable and specially certified OR nurse pops in and tells me she's going to be on my case.  I was so happy I was gonna burst.  She even let me choose the music for the OR--80s dance music.  Too bad the anesthesia kicked in after the first song.

I wake up 3 hours later in tons of pain.  Got Fentanyl and didn't wake up for another 2 hours.  Then was woozy and couldn't pee on a bedpan for a few more hours.  I was on the verge of admission overnight when I was able to get with it, get out of bed and pee in the toilet.  They took off my homemade diaper during surgery and I was glad that I didn't have any underwear on because I had to pee so bad.  So, I made it home around 10:30 pm and got to sleep in my own bed.

Surgery went as expected.  I have a 4 inch scar on my left chest above my previous mastectomy.  The surgeon took out a piece of pectoral muscle about the size of a deck of cards (maybe not that thick).  All 3 tumors were in there.  Hopefully, pathology will be back tomorrow to show that the margins are clear and that the tumors are dead. My foobie was fixed by the plastic surgeon because after the last recon, I ended up with a permanent headlight.  He debulked the nipple which took him all of 5 minutes.  I got the port out and got to keep it.  Now I have one for each kid.  My 10 year old has been emptying my drain every day.  He feels very helpful and it also helps him practice math as he is working with subtraction/addition and decimals using the syringe.

Thank you all for checking on me.  I appreciate all the cyber-hugs.

Judy--What surgery are ou having done later this year?  Please refresh my memory.

Chelev--Good to hear from you and to hear your thoughts.  Another year alive to be thankful for.

Amy--Keep staying focused!  You will feel better soon.

Helen--I do hope you stay pain free.

Judy--I would have to say my DIEP was one of the best things I got out of BC.  The recovery was harder than I had imagined, but the results have been fabulous.  I had all this extra skin from having kids that I never could fit into clothes and pants properly afterwards.  After the DIEP, I fit better in prety much everything.  Also, I didn't have to choose to do saline or silicone implants.  I wouldn't have been able to make a decision 4 years ago.

I just posted a picture of my hair at 7 weeks post-chemo.  With the surgical incisions I have from last week, I think I look *badars*.  My huby thinks I look like I've been in a knife fight!

Judy - what an absolutely fascinating concept. Would love to try that!

I got my surgery paperwork/bloodtest rx/instructions yesterday.  Just glanced at it and put it aside. I am learning not to spend precious time worrying until just beforehand. That is progress.

Spent Tuesday with my daughters going to the Flower Show in Philadelphia. It is a huge event and a lovely taste of spring.  The pregnant one definitely is getting bigger and got a bit tired with all the walking, so she found a place to sit and put her feet up a bit. Her sister said "You are so big already (which she isn't) - how much bigger can you get?" I thought that was very funny - she obviously hasn't been around many pregnant women. She will learn a lot watching her sister go through this.  I think sometimes that being the oldest child is the hardest spot. You go through everything first as the parents' experiment. Parents relax a lot more at the subsequent children, I think. I know I did.

Good for you Amy, keeping that paperwork to the side till you need to deal with it. The flower show sounds wonderful, Spring is in the air here too. I hope your daughter is feeling well and enjoying her pregnancy.

Florbo, hope you are feeling ok today and managing to rest.

Geri, Helen, Titan and Lesley, hope you are all doing ok.

The party really was fascinating and so insightful and educational for us all, adults and kids alike.

Wishing you all a great weekend, hugs, Judy x

Amy, so sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes, it does just hit us out of nowhere like that. Although, I think it is always lurking somewhere in the back of our minds. You are dealing with a new round of medical issues now, so that may be contributing to your being more sensitive. I know I would find it hard. When I was having chemo, my sister came out from London and when they "hooked me up", she had to go out and she was also several years out. It is clearly a very traumatic experience and it rears its head at unexpected times. The Spring is always hard for me; the smells in the air bring back that time of year and sometimes, I come over very upset or nautious and then it passes. Really hope you are doing ok now and that you had fun when you went out with your husband.

Our weekend was nice; quiet and easy. Hope you are all feeling ok.

Hugs to all, Judy x

Bench pressed 105# today at the gym.. TWO REPS! Had a guy standing there to make sure I didn't drop it but he didn't actually help. (more like moral support)  I had wanted to break 100# but they saw me warming up and knew I could do a bit more, so they snuck n extra 5# onto the bar and just told me to do it. I blasted The Who in my ears on the IPOD and just went for it.

Felt very strong. And happy.  I'm going to get through this hysterectomy and get back to my life. I am determined.

(I have to tell you ladies, weightlifting is very interesting. It is not like the aerobic workouts where you sweat and gasp and can't wait for it to be over. You get to rest in between, really focus, gather your strength and do it. I find it very motivational, and so cool when you see your strength increase in measurable ways.)

Good day for me. Hope it is a good day for each of you as well.  

Love to all - A.

Hi Ladies,

I went down to recover down in Houston for a few days since my boys are on Spring Break.  I figured I still needed my mom's help and since I still can't drive, I should go down to Houston also.  I was a good girl and worked on my exercises to increase my range of motion.

I met with the oncologist on 3/8 and I am in menopause.  My labs were more definitive than before when I was on Tamoxifen. So, I don't need my ovaries out.  We will monitor the estrogen and FSH every couple of months.  Im happy that I don't need another procedure.

Helen--I hope your GP visit will be productive.

Amy--I'm so sorry that you almost fainted.  I think we will always have chemo memory "triggers."  I almost vomited when I went to see the oncologist.  Next time I'm going to wear a mask.