"Friends"

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Mumtobe
Mumtobe Member Posts: 159
edited June 2014 in Triple-Negative Breast Cancer

So it turns out that two of my closest 'friends' rang my sister shortly after my diagnosis to tell her that they felt they would be 'needed more' by me (myself and my husband became recluses for a while to wrap our heads around this, also remember I was 20 wks pregnant at diagnosis so the welfare of our baby was the utmost priority). Ironically now that I am doing well, have finished chemo and have a healthy 18 wk old baby girl they are nowhere to be seen. They have only seen my baby once in her short life and there is no talk of calling to see here again despite both of them living a 10 minute drive from me. To say I'm angry with them is a mild understatement.

Has anyone else had to deal with friendships going sour after diagnosis?

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  • Angela-R
    Angela-R Member Posts: 273
    edited February 2013

    Hi Mumtobe...now Mum!!



    So sorry you have to deal with this disappointment, but it is quite common. It seems that some people just need everything to be about them. Once there is no "glory" in it for them, they lose interest.



    Onward and upward I say. Fill your days with your beautiful new family and the people who give you positive energy. It can be wonderfully surprising how many great people we have in our lives. Having cancer sure is one way to find them.



    With best wishes



    Angela

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  • Ann360
    Ann360 Member Posts: 15
    edited February 2013

    People's reactions to a cancer diagnosis can be real head scratchers.  Most of my friends responded with offers of assistance and sympathy.  One friend, however, responded to my news with a full description of her exercise program (and the unstated opinion that if I'd exercised more I wouldn't be in this fix).  Same friend found out I was getting a freezer so I could cook extra when I feel good and freeze for off days, and snobbily said "we only eat fresh."  Fortunately I find this hilarious rather than hurtful.

    Since people respond to cancer diagnosis in such different ways, why not give them a second chance?  Invite them over for tea and a snack so they can see your lovely baby and see how well you're coping, and that you do have time once again for friendship.  If they turn down two invitations, then you have a loss of friendship and it's time to find some better friends.  And they're out there, you just haven't had time or energy to look lately.

    Ann

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