Lesbian with no reconstruction

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Tmorrison9
Tmorrison9 Member Posts: 13
edited June 2014 in Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy

Hi I am new to this site my name is tara and I am 21 years old I just had a bilateral prophylactic masacetomy with no reconstruction on 2/4/2013 . I just got my drain tubes out and am starting to heal up and fee better. I went out in public today for the first time and it was horrible I got stares I got called a sir and from some random lady I got asked if I was a trans. It was quite a rough day for me and am not very scared going bak out again. I am a lesbian and I am butch I guess you would say. I have short hair and have always wore guys clothes but now I feel people are looking at me like I did this to become a guy. And I most definitely did not. I was maybe hoping to find someone else who has had issues like this and to know how to handle the situation and to hopefully tell me things get better. I'm young and got my whole life ahead of me now and I would rele love for it to be a happy one. Thank you for any help or advice you can give. I don't have friends I can talk to about this and my family I am not close to so being alone in this battle is just me and my girlfriend so having others who can relate I'm hoping will greatly help me with this new life.

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  • cooka
    cooka Member Posts: 278
    edited February 2013

    Hello Tmorrison, I am another "flat" lesbian stopping by to say hi.  If you are looking to talk to lesbians specifically (many of us have not reconstructed), we have a pretty active thread at this link:

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/76/topic/749321?page=20#post_3424525

    Or, there is a general thread with a great mix of women about life as a "flatty" and how people perceive us, how we perceive ourselves, etc., tips on what to wear, that kind of stuff:

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/789067?page=78#idx_2338

    I'm glad you got your drains out and are starting to feel better, it does suck getting used to the new look but I have been flat a year and nobody pays attention anymore that I can tell. I kind of like it now, actually.  Occasionally I run into a rude person, but if they weren't rude about my flatness it would have been my clothes or hair or whatever. They are rude...so who cares about them, right?:) Hope you find the info you are looking for!  Take care, Anne

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  • Outfield
    Outfield Member Posts: 1,109
    edited February 2013

    Tara,

    It's really late and I'm half-asleep, but I didn't want to not answer your post.  Sucks you have to deal with this at 21.  I was 44 when I had my bilateral mastectomy, so a lot older, but I had some of the same concerns you're describing.  I had some similar experiences being called "sir," especially when my hair was slowly coming in after chemo, which it did sticking straight up into  a perfect little kid's faux-hawk.  I'm also narrow in the hips and wide-shouldered, fit perfectly into a boy's size 14/16, or sometimes even a 12.  I definitely wondered if people thought I had gone flat on purpose.  

    I'll try to reply again when I'm more awake.  Take care.  

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  • Outfield
    Outfield Member Posts: 1,109
    edited February 2013

    Tara, I'll put in a longer answer now on the other thread.

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited February 2013

    T, I am so sorry, both that you had to deal with the Beast and that you got treated as you did. That just plain sucks. I should probably say up front that I am, unfortunately, not young and also I am not a lesbian, but I can relate to having a somewhat masculine vibe all the same. When I lived in the US, other women would always harass me to look more girly, and I had tits then!

    It takes a while to adjust to the flat thing. I can't say I am all the way there yet, and I do also wear small fakes when I go out usually. But I have gone flat sometimes, and I have noticed that people notice less if I notice less, if that makes sense. I have also noticed that I am more likely to wear something slightly girly now, like scarves or colors. It just sort of happened, but I guess I do have more of a need to signal that I am female.

    Have you seen Tig Notaro after her BMX? http://teamcoco.com/video/tig-notaro-interview-09-20-12 

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