January 2013 chemo group

Sheryl,

Good morning to you as well - We're in the same time zone and I often see your early posts. I hope that your day today is much better than yesterday. I'm glad that your Angie was by your side. My ancient black cat, Buddy, often senses when I'm down and out and he curls up right next to me. He likes to hang out in the same room, but he isn't ordinarily a lap cat.  Prayers and Hugs, Martha

Good morning ladies. I do hope you all are felling better and wishing those going today to have minimal side effects.



I *think* I feel better today than yesterday in terms of wooziness but I cannot eat. I know I need to, but the thought is enough to make me want to hurl. I think I may call the doctor. I couldn't stomach my Fage yogurt. I was able to get a mixed fruit cup in but had to leave all the pears behind.



I think my husband will get me something with an egg on it as he swings back from dropping the kids at school.



I hope I'm not being too whiney. You have a lot more experience with this and I value your help/ideas.

NO such thing as whiney, Sweetheart...it is what it is and every one of us deals with things differently.  You should never apologise for how you feel.  And i hope you feel really better, really soon...and the rest of my bad SE sisters, too.  May your tomorrows be better...and better...and better...but don't apologise for how you feel.  For example, i feel perfectly fine physically today (and yesterday) but i'm now starting to do the funky-chicken thinking about the loss of my hair...impending...t-minus 7 to 10 days at best and counting.  Like it makes sense to obsess about THAT through all of this???  Really?  Carly Simon is singing in my head again...I know most of you are past this stage and have debuted your scarves, hats, wigs and beautiful bald heads but now that its actually HERE, i'm feeling quite sad.  Appt is on Sat to cut my current hair into the Susan Powter spikey-do and get my wig fitted- its in and the colour match is great. 

I think i'm gonna go back to work on Monday with WIG (i've been working from home for a week to avoid what appears to be tuberculosis running rampant through the office) and even that is giving me the screaming horrors.  Someone here said something (and my brain is not letting me remember who but THANK YOU!!!)- when people look at you they expect to see hair and they do...not the wig.  YOU feel self conscious about the wig but everyone else just sees hair.  But the vanity of the situation is killing me...i have thick, very blonde hair that was way down past my bum for 20 years and while its grown progressivly shorter in the last decade, it still defines me to a ridiculous degree.  And I know i'm not saying anything you ladies haven't already internalized but i feel pretty damned sad.

That said, to quote Galaxy Quest, "never give up- never surrender!"  Its HAIR...i'll get over it and i refuse to cry over hair that will come back...i'm VERY OPTIMISTICALLY expecting to sport a headcover-free convict cut (1/4 inch???) for my b-day at the end of July.  Would it help anyone else to pick a "goal" date or time or event to focus on?  Or am I just being wildly optimistic again???  I also find it helpful to read the forums that are ahead of us...they've DONE IT and it is doable.  Soon, it will all be a bump in the rearview mirror...xoxoxoxo

shannon, is today's pug getting ready to fly or heading out for a glamorous drive with the top down? Just wondering. As for the hair thing, I think it's like everything else in this ridiculous journey: The waiting is the hardes part. (Did Tom Petty have bc?) Once my hair started to fall out, I buzzed it down to about 1/4 inch and stopped worrying about it. Up to that point, I was checking constantly. Of course, I had an advantage over many of the Bellas: I really don't like my hair to begin with! Even so, it was stressful. So cut yourself some slack, honey, and remember that Carly can't be singing to you because she's singing to ME! Shoot, I don't think you'd even been born yet...

Mandy, yes to everything Shannon said about not being too whiney. My therapist once pointed out that if I apologize for talking about my bad feelings, I may unintentionally make other people feel that they shouldn't share theirs. So, for the sake of unburdening yourself AND of giving your sisters permission to vent, I say let it out! I hope you find some palatable food today, and do remember that many little snacks seem to work much better than a few meals. Hugs, honey.

Well, I still don't like AC #3, but as honeybair said, chemo week is hell... but it's just a week, right?

Today's pug is the Grace Kelly of pugs, scarf on, shades on and ready to criuse with the top down.  Unfortunately, its overcast and teh weather-jerk is predicting snow today so the convertible isn't really an option.  Maybe Lee can cruise in So Cal for all of us snowed in today...

Glad you're back, Bryona...hope you're feeling more alive...

I'm new to this forum and feeling a little anxious.  Just completed my 2nd round of chemo last Thursday.  Now I feel like I have the flu with sinus headaches, runny nose, stuffy head, muscle ache etc.  Stomach is doing very well.  Does anyone know if this is an allergic reaction to the chemo or just the side effects, or is my immune system slow and I did catch something? I feel really stupid not understanding any of this. I can understand the loss of stamina and energy over time but does anyone know if I will react the same way next time?  (the big #3 is in 2 weeks)  Really scared but trying to be brave.  I only have 2 more treatments of the A/C then it's 12 weeks of Taxol.  Will that be any better.  They have me on Decadron which is making me crazy.  The PA told my I won't be on Decadron with the Taxol.  HELP!!!!

Welcome, Jessica.  I don't know anything about the Adriamycin combo but so many here do so I'm betting you'll get some insight from the others.  Congratulations on being halfway through AC!  Are you keeping a chemo diary/journal?  I've found it really helps me keep track of what's going on when I look back and try to remember how I felt on a particular day - however, I also know full well that my body is not completely my own these days and can pull all sorts of surprises.  My "diary" is very short - just a few sentences on how I felt that day - what tasted good - what didn't feel right, etc.  I have two ways of dating each entry - i.e. 

February 13, 2013 - (Day One/43) 

February 14, 2013 - (Day Two/44) 

The "day one/two" part is the day of the actual cycle.  The numerical entry marks the number of days since starting chemo.  

I have never been a calendar-keeper, journal-keeper, diary-writer, date "rememberer"but something about chemo has really put me on track.  

That is a good idea.  I will start keeping a chemo journal. Thank you Paula

Never mind,,, I guess it is displaying

I'm July 26th, Sheryl.  When are you finished chemo?  With no issues (knock-on-wood and all that twaddle!!!) my last treatment should be May 16th...heading into our long weekend here in Canada, Victoria Day...the harbinger of summer.  Bring on beers and tank tops and warm weather and planting my flowers and garden and growing me some HAIR!!!

Congratulations on all those clear scans/tests/vag explorations, etc., Shannon!

Scanxiety be gone!

Poutine is not on the celebratory menu??

ETA:  I think poutine was discussed on another thread - I have a guy friend I've never met who lives in BC and loves that stuff.  And Tim Horton's coffee.

Lee, mmm... poutine.... Boy, I hope that sounds good when I'm done. I'm heading across the border to drown in it!

Shannon, woohoo for clean scans! Hooray for Warrior Nodes!

Poutine is awesome...but honestly, you really have to go to Quebec for the real-deal.  It HAS to be cheese curds.  And the fries HAVE to be double fried (something my American friends understand in spades- you guys will deep fry anything...pickles?  Mars bars???  Bring on the chicken fried fat-bastard!!!)  And the poutine gravy has to be thick and dark and meaty...with no meat...its an art the Quebecois have PERFECTED.  Now i'm hungry...thanks.

And don't even get me started on Tim Horton's coffee...here in Ontario, there's a Tim's on every corner...you are ALWAYS within walking dostance of at least 3 Timmy's.  They are in hospitals, grocery stores, hockey areas (yeah, we like hockey, too) but it is really THE BEST coffee...Starbucks be damned...and sorry Crispy Creme, the donuts are better, too!!! Now the complete shit thing is, i can't drink my Tim's since starting treatment.  I drank one small and thought my heart was gonna pound right outta my chest.  So i am in Tim Horton's coffee mourning every morning...until treatment is over...then i'm growing me some hair and getting me some COFFEE, damn it!

p.s.  Love the Crack Monkey

Skigirl - I loved reading your post!  I've been wondering how it went and it sounds like it was a triumphant return for both you and your customers (and co-workers).  

I hear you on the inner germaphobe.  They're talking about this stranded cruise ship on CNN and all the yuck stuff that goes along with a cruise ship that's been without power for five days.  Ultimately, Sanjay Gupta has downplayed the risk of infection so I figure - wow, if those people can traipse around in that day after day...and in those close quarters I guess I can be a little less paranoid (or something).  Anyway, it has kind of quelled my inner germaphobe (probably only for five minutes or so!). 

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Bryona - I hope you're feeling better today!  I've been thinking about you since last night.  My inner-crack money has relaxed somewhat but I have managed to whip through today's list quite handily.  I still have to go walk the track and then get the Big N shot.  My brain feels pretty clear - which I like - but I know what's probably coming.  I've been trying to get in a lot of protein and have definitely been drinking more water than usual. 

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Shannon - I'll take the fries but I'll take a nose-held pass on the curds and the gravy and even the coffee (I'm not a coffee drinker - unless it's all frou-frou'd up with white chocolate or salted caramel flavor or gingerbread, peppermint, etc.  In our little village/town (it's more like a village) there's a Coffee, Bean and Tea Leaf shop on one corner and now, a Starbucks across the street.  As soon as the Starbucks opened the Coffee, Bean and Tea Leaf added outdoor heaters around their outdoor seating areas.  It's the coffee shop wars!  And then there's a yogurt shop on the other corner and a very strange pajama type store (looks like a time warp from the fifties/sixties) on the other corner.  I've never been able to figure out how a pajama store can stay in business... I've never been in there because I'm not one for sleep sets.  

p.s. Pajama sets, coffee and french fry gravy aside, it sounds like you're doing really well so far!!

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Italflamingo - congratulations on making it through AC!  I had one dose of stand-alone Herceptin and it was a breeze.  I'm not doing Taxol so I can't speak to that although I am on Taxotere.  I don't know how or if they're related but apparently Taxotere is derived from a Yew tree native to the South Pacific.  From what little I have read here about women who go to Taxol, it sounds like it's easier on the system than AC.  I'm thinking I've even read that hair starts to (maybe) grow back on Taxol but really, I don't know.  I'm just the resident crack monkey :-)