Radiation only, no chemo

I just Found Breast Cancer.org last week, and this thread today. I had my lumpectomy & SNB less than 2 weeks ago, and just started feeling good this week, until a got a staph infection at the incision sites, (rash, Pain, swelling & fever). I was admited to the hospital yesterday for strong IV antibiotics, today they cut my breast open to drain the fluid & put in a drain ( for just a few days). I was supposed see my ONC Monday, but this may delay it, so this site has really helped me. I too feel guilty, but right now my guilt is because only child has the burden of caring for me. I live alone. She has her family to care for, children to drive around to school, sports & all. She tells me no need to apologize she loves me & needs me healthy and not to feel bad. I still feel guilty about taking a lot of her time. I hope I don't need chemo & will feel guilty about that, but just read on this site about the onco test. I will most likely have radiation, then I know I'll feel guilty about missing work. I've already had friends say my cancer is not bad, after my surgery it'll be over with, I'm strong so it won't be as bad, etc etc. It's Cancer!!!! It's not over with. It's years of side affects & worries. I'm scared.

Thank you ReneeinOH. I do need to learn how to ask for help and to accept it. I will probably re-read your post a few more times to try to convince myself to stop trying to be stronfg for eveyone else and to put myself first. Thank you again.

numbersinger--tamoxifen for ER-/PR-?  that doesn't make sense to me.    Are you going to get Herceptin?  That drug is specifically for HER2+ cancers.  Have you asked the onc for copies of the studies he/she is basing the treatment recommendations on?  Or has he/she given you stats on how the various treatments will affect your chances of recurrence and life expectancy?  When I was researching treatment I kept finding notations in the research study reports that the various chemo regimens were not proven to be helpful for early stage bc, so I passed on chemo.  Of course, I was in a different situation with a different pathology. 

Jenn and CeeCee--think of it this way: the people that offer to help WANT to help. You are giving them the opportunity to do so.  This disease makes more than just you feel powerless--it makes your friends and family feel that way too.  Let them contribute to your efforts to fight this cancer.  Feel good about giving them the opportunity.  They will thank you for it, and you will feel SO MUCH BETTER about the situation. 

Every time you resist the urge to say no thank you, stop yourself.  It is OK, and IMPORTANT for you to say yes. 

If the shoe was on the other foot (you were trying to help a loved one), how would you like them to respond?

I hear you Jenn. 

Hi all, this is a great thread.

My Onco score was 16, and my MO told me chemo would not be beneficial.  She feels the Tamoxifen will be a good weapon and will start me on it as soon as I'm finished with rads.

So all along I have been telling everyone not to worry about me, that I've caught it early, that rads won't be a big deal because that's what I've heard, that it'll be a sunburn at best.

Well.  Today is Day 2, with 28 more to go.  I definitely don't feel like it's not a big deal.  I feel quite crappy right now.  My chest was red and hot last night.  I have been treating it with cream, so it feels better than yesterday, but I have this odd feeling of heat churning in me internally.  I also feel nauseous, tired, irritable, and downright sorry for myself.

I have been hanging on to the bright side since my diagnosis in early December.  I am very grateful that it was caught early and is highly treatable (so I've been told).  I have been assuring everyone that it's all just an inconvenience, that everything will be fine.  I even felt like it was somehow empowering to say "I had a lump in my breast that was cancerous" instead of "I have breast cancer." 

Several weeks ago, after my second surgery (re-excision to get bigger margins), I finally allowed myself to fall apart and cry and admit that I do have breast cancer (even though I'm hoping at this point most or all of it has been surgically removed).  I was wondering if I should just have a mastectomy (even though my surgeon -- who is well respected in the community -- didn't think it necessary).  She and the RO feel rads + lumpectomy is the best course, especially since my nodes had a tiny bit of activity (though technically they were considered negative).  So I finally was feeling good about this next step, and felt in control by preparing my skin twice daily all last week with calendula cream and Jean's cream.

I have been taken aback by how crummy I feel two days in to radiation.  I feel like I know my body pretty well -- after all, I was the only one who felt my sneaky, nebulous ILC.  It more than likely would have been hidden in yet another routine mammo.  Because I had felt something, I was sent to a breast center with 3D mammo, and the radiologists took extra close looks at it and felt an MRI was warranted (which did reveal the mass).  So I don't think that I'm catching a bug or anything.

But because I've hyped this as an "easy" process, part of me feels like I'm not supposed to be feeling awful.

Well, I'm going to try to get a good sleep tonight (so I can get up and go to rads first thing in the am!) ... tomorrow is doctor day.  I like my RO very much, and I look forward to reporting these symptoms to her. 

Thanks for reading.

I can relate to knowing I have a "better" prognosis than many, but still have been very affected by getting hauled into the cancer treatment world so suddenly and without warning. I go back and forth: I seem to fall into the pit of relentless brooding for a day and a half or so, then kind of surface and feel pretty normal for awhile.

I have opted for lumpectomy and SNB twice, thinking that even that was a lot of surgery for me. I strongly felt the seriousness of doing radiation for six weeks, very much as Gemini expresses: it just hits you that it is barbaric, and the only reason you are doing this intense and dangerous thing is because yep, you really DO have cancer. I just got the Oncotype back, a ten, which supports lx and rads, but even that really bites.

I think its the nature of the beast, swinging between under-responding and totally flipping out, back and forth, over and over, until it sort of settles down. Its a tough road.

Thanks for the replies.

Lemon, I know, there aren't too many of us ILC'ers.  A while back I was reading the ILC boards here and was noticing that many (if not most) seem to have had MX and BMX.  I was wondering if MX was the way to go, but my surgeon and RO both felt the LX and rads was the better choice for me.  ("You can always get a MX later!"  As awful as this prospect sounds, I do understand and agree with the thinking.)

MamaMe, it's so true about those bad "brooding" days that crop up among the good, positive, brave-face days.  So many things in the stew -- resentment, emotional exhaustion, fear ... mixed with hope, optimism, gratitude -- and then I also feel like whacked-out hormones are contributing, too!

Lemon, MamaMe, and Ceecee, I hope your experience starts out better than mine, and I don't want to make you any more anxious than you already are before you start your treatments.  I really do think I'm the exception to the rule (though reading these posts here shows me I'm not the only one feeling crummy in ways that aren't textbook side effects).  Today my doctor suggested that I might be dehydrated, which makes sense.  I need to get up right now and have more water, but I have been much more diligent about water today, and I'll admit I haven't had enough on Monday and Tuesday.  We shall see if that makes a difference, and I'd suggest for you to be mindful of extra water!

Thanks again for the replies; it's so helpful.

Hi Lemon, I have not had the BRCA testing done (I had the OncoType test -- this is totally different, right?).  None of my docs has mentioned it to me.  I have no family history; is this something that's done on women with a history?  Which doc on my team do you think would be the best one to inquire about it?  I'm thinking my MO.

You *are* brave, and you should feel proud! 

Gemini4, 

I wanted to let you know this happened to me just in case you are having a similar reaction. I also started turning bright pink very early in tx, around number 8 I think. I was really scared I was burning badly and wouldn't ever make it to the end.   I was using calendula cream and it turned out I was pink due to a reaction to the cream not the rads at that point.  I figured it out when the opposite side of my neck and chest from the rads area went pink after I had started slathering the extra cream over there. So I stopped using the calendula, and only used aloe.  The fiery pink faded and then I only went pink/red again towards the very end of rads.  Anyways, just thought I'd share that in case your skin is extra sensitive to it. 

I haven't started radiation as I have a second surgery on Feb 22 for greater margins around the DCIS - not thrilled - but it's doable. I met with my RO last week and he made this sound like a pretty easy thing - at least he down played all the negative things. I'm hoping to work in the morning and then drive the hour and a half for radiation and then back 2 hours to my home. (live in a very remote place in the world) I think the driving will become the most tedious. I too have had numerous offers for rides - or at least someone to ride with me. I'm tempted on one hand to take them up on their offers and on the other hand to use this time in the car to get my life on track after it's been derailed by this cancer stuff.

Am I worrying about radiation too much - I was hoping this was far better than chemo - but now I'm wondering if it's just another side to this scary coin. I did have sort of a negative reaction to entering the radiation department at the hospital - I think it hit me for the first time that I have cancer - and that it's not going to "go" away - even though my prognosis is excellent - small tumor, no lymph node involvement, estrogen/progesterone+ HER2-, etc. My MO is confident that radiation and hormone therapy will "do it" - and I'm grateful that I'm in a very favorable catagory - Is it weird/stupid of me to still be afraid of dying, or of having cancer - I just can't seem to shake it. I guess there is a bigger emotional toll than I thought to this whole diagnosis. I hope I'm just over reacting and that once I get past this second surgery I will be on my way to recovery.

I am so sorry you are facing another surgery and I hope it is no big deal but I am sorry it is a big deal. Clear margins are so important but maybe you will have an option for an alternative radiation that will not require daily treatments for 6 weeks that is really a long haul this time of the year. Keeping you close in thought and positive energy for your healing clear margins this go round.

Kkuziel praying for those clear margins! Hope today's surgery is a breeze & speedy healing.

Well, I have had 7 rads treatments now and only 23 more to go!  I have struggled most with loss of control.  I have stopped working as I am a psychologist and don't feel I can give 100% professionalism at the moment.  I am feeling resentful about the lack of support from my ex-husband, who told me radiation was a "walk in the park" and I was a "drama queen seeking sympathy for having breast cancer" - I have my children 12 days out of 14 and sorely wanted some time on my own to mentally adjust to the treatment.  On the upside, my friends and family have been amazing and my beautiful children keep me busy.  I had a complete melt-down after the first radiation treatment and just sat in my car and cried.  I think it was the first actual time I had properly confronted my diagnosis.  Lessons so far - accept all kind offers of help, give myself permission to not be OK sometimes and take each day as it comes.  

Oh, to share. I have to see the PS Friday. Some concern that I do not have enough skin. TE was put in but have not started filling. I may need a skin graft. We will find out. Also a port put in. May mean I have radiation in my future. Of chose have to wait for pathology.