My sister invited me to "Survivor" Day - why am I so irritated?

I've heard that a few times "you should be thankful"... and, I am but not in the cookie cutter way that has been put together by people who could Never understand. I am thankful my children have not lost their mother...thankful my.mom didn't lose her favorite (hee hee)...cancer sucks and I am a little p'd off about what it has done to my world. I am not one that got back to any kind of normal. I lost a lot...but the most important things are still with me and I with them. But, I was thankful for those thing before this biotch showed up.

Uh oh....royal blue is for awareness for child abuse....

Wait...that kinda works....

33 ribbons found so far. There is one for adhesions. Once I started reading the lists I was amazed at the amount of misery available on this planet. I make jewelry and have never worked with pink ribbons but I think I will make a bracelet with 33 ribbons. It puts my problems in perspective.

But I still agree that only people who walk away from plane crashes are survivors. We are strugglers and dreamers who want our 80 year lifespans. I think God forgot to sign my contract.

I think it comes down to a matter of respect....Respect for those who want nothing to do with the term survivor, pink ribbons, walks etc!!!! 

I am not thankful that I had breast cancer...if wasn't a gift and hasn't brought me any gifts in a way I think of gifts.....

I survived a bilat, chemo, rads, ooph and endured 3 1/2 years of side effects on AI's before I said enough.

For me, I get strength from volunteering with BC organizations.....helping newly diagnosed women....I still come to bco 7 years after my diagnosis (today is my cancerversary), I volunteer with Sharsheret, I volunteer with my local Komen affiliate on the education committee and I visit the ACS WhatNExt board.....These are important for me....and I guess I wouldn't be so active if I hadn't had breast cancer.....

Survivor guilt...yes....I am greatful for everyday that I am lucky to continue to dance with NED, but I realize that could change.....

So a long winded answer to say its all a matter of respect for how we want to do this journey....Thanks for posting....hope I didn't hijax it!!!

Clarice - I got a chuckle out of your mets summary. Guess I made the wrong choice - should have chosen heart disease instead? Or diabetes?

I am sure she means well but she is floundering, too. There is no real guide book for everything coming your way and there is less info for her as a loved one.

Why don't you sit down and have a heart-to-heart. Let her know you just need a sounding board right now- and not help to fix things.

I remember my sister-in-law made a comment one time that I didn't take very well. I paused, considered my answer and responded with 'that was very hurtful to me' and then explained why. She was trying to find levity where I wasn't seeing any. She had no way to relate to my feelings. Communication is hard but helps.

As a sister - I always want to make the hurt go away for my siblings but I can't. Be open about what you need from her and let her know it could change tomorrow. Sometimes, when my sisters (nurses) starting talking about things I would respond with 'I just can't go there right now' and the subject would change.

I had a lot of people that cared but I had to learn how to let them know what I needed and when. It was a learning experience all around.

Give her a big hug, a cup of coffee and have a chat.

I looked at your first post again and your sister is a 'survivor'. Maybe, in five years, you will wear pink and join the parade. But you just aren't there yet and maybe never will be. That's why we are all 'individuals'

My mother died of breast cancer, so in a way I "saw" it in my future. I did everything in my power to live my life differently than hers...eat only small amounts of meat, not smoke, be an exercise demon, take vitamins, eat lots of fruits and vegetables and fiber...but apparently there's nothing you can do to change your genes and/or disposition to some diseases. I certainly "didn't choose it." I think your sister's book is bollocks.

I'm surprised that she's a cancer survivor. One usually gets advice like this from people who have suffered nothing worse than the flu. I would go with your approach...tell her you're pleased that she finds such information empowering, but it doesn't work for you, so please cease and desist. And say the last part firmly!

Oh boy....all that "think positive" and "you create your _____ by what you're thinking" is crap crap crap.

Yippee for your sister who does what she does....you have to put an end to what she's trying to push down your throat. Its not fair to you.

My thought is ..... how can anyone be a survivor if there is a chance of the bc to return...no matter what stage you were diagnosed. I am only a survivor of the chemo treaments and my double masectomy....I still have to survive my radiation treatments. But how I can I ever consider myself a bc survivor when there is always a chance of reoccurence.  And my thought about these bc cancer walks and benefits are all smoke and mirrors....They promote finding a cure...when I think they should be promoting prevention.....better  screening...better technology......My question is...how does bc get to an advanced stage when someone has done all the necessary  prevention testing.?????.

But I am very grateful for finding this website....that has given more info and encouragement than my cancer center.

Well....now that I have vented a bit.....Everyone have a great evening....

CZ

I wish I could feel like a survivor. I don't. A friend of mine, stage II, she thinks,

( she doesn't even know exactly what stage she was, or what chemo she received, since her husband handled everything) feels she is finished with bc for good. She has been able to move on without looking back. She is a survivor. I envy her.



I, on the othe hand, feel vulnerable. I know that cancer can strike back at any time; it lies there dormant, for now. Hopefully, it will remain dormant for decades to come. But I know that it is there, like a ticking bomb.



I would like to believe that I was cured, but all I can do is live one day at the time and hope for the best. No, I don't want to march in celebration. Perhaps, a few more years from now I will feel differently, but for now I will pass.

antonia1

So, feel the same way I am 1 year dx today, that was my 'lost' year; I don't want no ribbons , walks, talks, pink, silly hats, survivor t-shirts.......

Sometimes, feel like I am a party-pooper.  

The way I look at it, when "survivors" of testicular and prostate cancer start prancing around with wild-colored boxers outside their pants and wearing tee shirts that say "I (heart) my cajones" then I'll think about the pink wigs and tutus. 

When I die, I want my sons to be wearing ribbons at the funeral that somehow signify, "My mom and dad died together, in their nineties, making love on the pool table." 

sbelizabeth -

Love that funeral ribbon sentiment!

Oh jeeeeeezzzz!!! WAHAHAAA!! SBElizabeth...you go girl!!