Mom's Leaving me

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BlackLaceShadow
BlackLaceShadow Member Posts: 1
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My mom's breast cancer is gone ,....Just one problem it's in her spine, the top part of her spine. Doctors think it has spread to the brain because she regressed back to her childhood for three days. She did'nt remember she had kids her parents are dead and did'nt know who I was. I had to act like one of her friends to get her to talk to me.
She is doing treatment just for the kids sake. She has six months to a year at most to live. I keep thinking she is not allowed to leave me this early. While I am liveing almost 900 miles away she can't. My 4 month needs to know her grandmother. What do I tell her in 10 years when she is gone. My gradnmother, moms mom, died because her ovarian cancer spred to her brain. Now I am having problems with my pap smears. How do I tell my daughter her risk of getting cancer one day is so high. I have'nt been able to cry. I wrote her a letter the other day explaingin how pissed I am about this whole thing. It didnt help although I thougth I would feel better for getting off my chest.
I don't want her to leave!!!!!
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  • jz20022001
    jz20022001 Member Posts: 480
    edited June 2006
    I'm sorry to hear your mother is so sick. It's very hard to lose a parent. My mother died at age 50 and my dad died when my son was only a few months old (now he's 21). Hang in there and take things day to day. Doctors aren't always right. My grandmother had breast cancer (mastectomy) and was told she only had weeks to live. She lived 20 YEARS and died at age 80.

    Catherine
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  • PuppyFive
    PuppyFive Member Posts: 2,808
    edited June 2006

    STORMY, i am so sorry. to think of your pain, brings back many memories of my mother. hold on to them and she will never be gone, and your children will feel that they knew her too. GOD CAN DO MANY THINGS STORMY, PLEASE TRUST IN HIM. i will pray very hard for you. debbyfive

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  • jgrjunque
    jgrjunque Member Posts: 47
    edited June 2006
    Stormy, I'm so sorry... no-one is ever ready to lose a mother, and to lose one under such circumstances is so hard... But you ask: "My 4 month needs to know her grandmother. What do I tell her in 10 years when she is gone."

    It may help you to start now putting together a remembrance book about your mother. Gathering up old photographs, writing down the memories, even getting a lock of your mother's hair (something I would kill for now and wish wish wish I had thought about it when my own mother was so ill...). The form can be anything you're comfortable with. There are formal memory books and scrapbooks or something you put together yourself. You can get copies of things like birth certificates and wedding licenses and more to add to it. It would surely be something you and your daughter will treasure... and it may help you now when you need so badly to think of the good times rather than this terrible illness.
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  • Hattie
    Hattie Member Posts: 414
    edited June 2006
    Stormy, doctors don't really know how much time anyone has really--but do make the most of the time you have now. You know your mom, so you can help your daughter know her grandmother. That's what you do living so far apart, and it's what we do when those we love leave this world. Hard. you are going to be a good mom because you have learned from your mom's successes, and from her mistakes. Keep an eye on your own health, because you are important and your baby needs you. Do the best you can for your health and hers. We are getting smarter about cancer everyday, just not fast enough.
    take care,
    --Hattie
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  • csp
    csp Member Posts: 2,765
    edited June 2006
    Stormy,
    I am so very sorry sending you cyber {{hugs}}
    I did what jgr suggested . I can't tell you how much
    I cherish the book of memories. I show it to my grandbabies
    and talk to them about her.


    Carrie
    I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited June 2006
    Stormy!
    I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I will pray for you, enjoy your moments with her as you can. Listen to God, and know that no matter what he is your strength in this storm.

    I am praying for you and your family.
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  • KatieHulsman
    KatieHulsman Member Posts: 6
    edited June 2006
    Stormy,
    I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I agree with Cowgirl. Enjoy every moment you have with your mom. It's not an easy thing to go through. My mom had breast cancer and it spread to her liver, lungs and bones. We had 1 month to live with it. From my experience, what I can say to you is, tell her you love her everyday. No one ever wants their parent to leave. Especially when it's a mother leaving a daughter. My heart goes out to you. I didn't live to far away from my mom when she passed away. But it was far enough for me. Not being there with her was so hard. Talking to people on here will help, and eventually, you will cry. And when you do, do not hold it back. Please keep us updated with everything.

    Katie
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  • Sweetxrn
    Sweetxrn Member Posts: 3
    edited June 2006
    Stormy,
    I've been there. I lost my mom when I was 22. I completely agree with Katie. Tell her you love her EVERYDAY. Don't wait for anything. Now is the time. My dad, brother and I were all there when my mom passed away. I was so scared. I'm a registered nurse and all I wanted to do was save her (though I knew I couldn't). What I should have been doing is trying to comfort her and telling her how much she is and always will be loved. I miss her dearly.
    I am thankful for the time I had with her. I am happy she does not have to suffer anymore. And I can go back and be thankful that I was there and that she knew I did love her. She waited for my brother and I to come home that night because she loved us that much. Losing your mom is difficult no matter where you are in your life.
    My prayers are with you and your family.
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  • kris101
    kris101 Member Posts: 1
    edited June 2006
    Hello Stormy
    This is the first time i've ever posted. I am very sorry to hear about your mother. I can tell you I am going to the very same thing. My mother was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer that has spread to the liver, bone, and lungs. She has known for somethime and never told us. I also live leveral miles from her and we have a large family. We were told a month ago that she only has weeks to live. I am so devestated that sometimes I just cry like cray. But when I talk to her she tells me she is "tired' and I know that she is suffering.
    I can tell you what helps me sometimes and that is that I say to my self that I can't stop her from having cancer, I have done everything that I can do. I have to trust that God knows what is best and that I too one day will die. I just hope I have the strenght when it happens.
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  • cinderellafifi
    cinderellafifi Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2006
    I know your pain all too well. I am sorry you are going through this. Try to focus on the good days and cherish the time together.

    Big Hugs,
    "Fifi"
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