Sept 2012 chemo

Mariposa...two weeks before my surgery, I was mourning my boobs. I would just sit at night and hold them. Sounds weird, huh. I tried not to think about it. Someone on this thread said to me, remember your breasts tried to kill you. I kept remembering that and it helped me realize I should be grateful that it is ok I'm losing them. This is what needs to happen! Now, my new expanders as I've said are not a pretty sight nor are the scars but they will be one day. My PS said he won't be done with me until October. I have seen other people's new breasts and they are beautiful. Yours will be too.



Faith-focus....Well said. Our scars represent our strengths to battle this war and come out not as victims but as strong head held high warriors!

Fair, focus: Thankyou! What you wrote was exactly what I needed to hear today. It really resonated with me!

Fight4two; That is great news about your surgery/path results! Very happy to hear it. Sounds like we are in very similar situations. I had a lumpectomy but my surgeon said my tissue was so extremely dense that it was hard to tell what was healthy and what wasn't so he took a big wedge out of the upper outside of my breast. He did a good job of putting me back together but the difference between thr breasts is big. I'm like you, considering and a consult can't hurt. Definitely can't face more procedures anytime soon.

Mariposa thanks for the kind words. At least I have a bit of hair now and I'm glad it's growing in evenly.

I think it would be strange NOT to mourn the loss of a breast (or both) but I do think it gets easier with time.

Lots of love to you all. Thanks for being here.

Neta, how do your radiated breast change after treatment? My BS took a 10cm chunk from mine and it is slightly smaller than the good breast now. I am expecting rads will change it further. Love ur new pic!



Got my Miaderm cream! Feeling so tired, hoping not getting sick. Hope you are all feeling well today!

Well said faith!!!!!!!!!!!............ we all will ware are badges with pride......and honor.........

JoJo.... let me know how the miaderm works for you. If all goes to plan I will be starting rads around the beginning of April.

Hey everyone. Haven't been on in a couple of days and seem to have missed so much!

Amy: AMAZING MRI results!! That's great that they do an MRI because now you know going into surgery. My bs doesn't want to do one because he said he doesn't feel anything anymore or, as he calls it, I have a "complete clinical response". So I won't really know if there is any residual cancer until after surgery when the pathology report is back.

Neta: your hair looks like it's growing back so fast. It looks great. I can't wait for mine to get to that length...I wouldn't wear a wig anymore. To be honest, I mostly wear the wig out because it's warm. My head gets so cold!!

Englishrose: Yay, Yay, Yay! You're finished! How are you feeling? I heard that radiation is like chemo in that it's cumulative and the fatigue can really creep up on you. Hope you get to rest!!

Surgery update: I saw my oncologist and he said surgery 4 weeks post chemo would be ideal but March 21 would not be "horrible". The bs said that the reason it's pushed is because I chose to have tissue expanders put in immediately so the ps has to be there meaning the two of them have to coordinate their schedules. So if I want to forego putting in te's I could technically have surgery sooner. If I leave my surgery date on March 21, my MO wants to start me on tamoxifen 3 weeks after my last chemo. I think I might leave my surgery date as is because I want the te's in immediately. And I could have my son's birthday party on the weekend before. He is so excited about it. I think turning 5 is a big one. I remember my older son's 5th party as the first one we invited his friends from school to and for the first time there were parents that I had never met and I was struck by the realization that he was becoming so independent as to be out there meeting kids and becoming friends with them all on his own. 

You are right, Amy! Your body, your choice. "Nip" that argument in the bud!

So a month after chemo, started growing eyebrows and then they just disappeared. One hair at a time. How long does it take to get all these chemicals / drugs out of our system?

I lost half of my left eyebrow and the right super thinned out- but they seem to be growing back... but from what you all are telling me, I shouldn't get too attached.  I still have neuropathy too:-(  I hate it.  It is worst at night.  I also have super bad muscle pain if I have been sitting too long, bloody nose, and a few mouth sores.  I am ready to be done with chemo too!!! 

Thanks everyone for sharing your feelings about sadness.  It helps to remember that this is all a normal part of this process.  I feel like grieving now and being ready is better than not grieving and having everything hit me all at once a few months down the road.  Anyway, I also love how this group doesn't try to just cheer you up- but gives you a chance to feel what you are feeling without judging.   Thanks ladies:-)

I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes a long time ago. I was so excited when the brows started growing. Then this morning they are gone again. No sign of my eyelashes yet. My head looks like a chia head. A lot of stubbles on the sides and back, few on top. Most of it is grey, I have colored my hair for so long didn't realize how much grey there was.

Hope, I too feel chemo aged my skin but the ladies in the hair thread said its probably more the lack of hormones. But, chemo killed any remaining ovary activity I had so whichever way you look at it, its another SE.

Thanks everyone for your kind comments about my hair. It's not much, but it's hair and I'm happy about it. It is very dark though. I used to be blond! I "only" had 4 TC treatments so I think maybe I was the first one of us done with chemo (end of October). Soon you will all catch up and we will all have hair again

I heard your eyebrows and lashes can fall out all at once a few times until their staggered growth cycle is back to normal.

Jojo, my breast shrunk slightly I think and my skin is still a bit darker too. It is also a slightly different texture. More rubbery somehow. Good luck with your first radiation treatment tomorrow!

Amy...good idea on the belt. I just ended up pinning the drains to my shirts and took back the cami's. I wish I would have put things I use frequently on lower shelves. I'm constantly asking for help on that.

We also made a med chart so people knew when to give me my meds. I couldn't have done that for myself for at least four/five days after surgery. I was just too druggy.

Enjoy that snuggle time. They grow up so fast. I would give anything to go back to those days.

Best of luck tomorrow Jojo!

Jojo I start rads tomorrow as well. They finished my markings on Thursday and Dr wanted a fresh start for Monday. Mine is at 9.00 every day. Will be thinking of ya sister . I hope all of you had a great weekend. Pretty much relaxed and watched movies with the kids . Just finished watching the super bowl . Great game so happy for the Ravens