Sept 2012 chemo

Yes - where is Cindy?   Cindy if your still following along please chime in with a hi!

Also Justine or Donna?

Hope ... You are right.  They did tell me since I had the BMX, I didn't need the rads.  Now I am remembering (been forgetting some things lately).  I even asked my DH and he couldn't remember the reason either.  He just remembered them telling me I did not need to have rads.

Yes, my expanders feel strange.  They are tight and uncomfortable (I was just filled again).  They don't 'move' so some things are still difficult for me to manage.  Often times I get sharp pains and muscle spasms.  I feel numb mostly on my right side.  So annoying and I don't like it either.  I asked my PS about that-he said it is normal.  He said it will go away in time.  How long you ask?  Could be up to 2 years.  A friend of mine went through the same ordeal and after 1 1/2 years, the numbness started to go away.  Sigh....

However, I was also told that when the exchage happens, that whole area feels so much better.  When we wake up from that surgery, we can expect to saw "Ahhhhhhhh."  So looking forward to that!!! : )))

Hope it may be too that if you did not have positive nodes no rads needed. I am having a umx but still will have rads and did have 6/8 nodes so far during lumpectomy in Sept. 

Marianeliza..It is too much to remember. I can't believe how much I forget. I'm usually right on everything and now, I'm just La la La, out in left field or even behind the fence.

Just saw this very cool British website that has lots of publications for download- including one on lymphodema, surgery, and radiation.  Also has some information about exercise after surgery.  Thought I would share it:-) 

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/treatment?utm_source=Homepage&;utm_medium=help_you&;utm_campaign=treatment

Mariposa... Okay you had me wondering if I could find it lol....

Use the seach and put in key words...ipod and then enter my name Amy4978 and its the first one..

You may have already seen this.  Brings tears to my eyes.  Rock on baby!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150974868803463

Thanks Jojo:-)  I was going for a Joan of Arc type of thing.  I am figuring on only being bald once, so I might as well have fun! I wish I could take glamorous shots of all of you with bald heads! 

good evening my ladies hope all is well............great newssss no allergy attack yeahhhhhhh......but ofcourse nothing ever goes perfect.......

My MO called and said that she will put me back up to 50 in benidryl instead of 25.....well i get to chemoland and the nurse sits me on my chemo chair asked for my date of birth and name but she had already everything ready set up ready with the pre med and the treatment....so i just wanted to make sure that they were having benadryl to 50 so she confirms that is 50.....as she is reading of all the med that i was going to receive she read " carboplatiun" i told her that i was not administered that medicene ...i told her that it was hercepton and taxol...she said are you sure you dont get it every 3 weeks and i said no......its every week....well she said she would check....well well well well stupid bitch was wrong and that chemo was for lung cancer and ovarian cancer .....her answer was that "usually taxol goes with carboplatiun"..............She removed the treatment and left it on the table.....i told my DH to look at it and tell me the name and if my name was there.....sure was ..then she call the other nurse and went over their desk which was 3 feet away from me and she was letting him know about the mistake..he said "i guess i need to focus a little bit more" ...........really fuck you both i was so mad........but i just took it lightly and tryied to enjoy my taxol and hercepton ........she was trying to be extra nice and whatever so was i......yeah right i dont care who gets in trouble.....i didnt leave the clinic i made an immidite meeting with my MO and floor manager.........my MO was very upset and the floor manager was more upset.......she said that they have a protoclo they all need to follow and that this should of never happened....they have 2 nurses that need to go over the MEDs before its set up..........really......i caught it.........so i asked then to please give me a print out of my administered chemotheraphies....specially the one from last week.....WTF really ladies we need to makesure and check on them .........all the nurses are nice and  i know we are humans and we can make mistakes but if we have 2 nurses that cant see what the hell are they giving patients..... what about the patients that  are not paying attetion or maybe just trusting them and not knowing whats being admisnistered...........

Its My life not thiers!!!!!!................. take care cause YOLO baby YOLO......

Thank you Lord for allowing me to proctect myself!!!!!!..............

besides that had a nice day with my DH and DD...slept woke up with hot flashes and my rotty next to me.....what a day...i tell you ladies i feel like I LOVE LUCY" something always happens to me!!!!......i might write a book ...lol  .I LOVE PATTY""""""!!!!! lol.....

Patty thank god you saw what you were getting and caught what the nurse was giving you. I would have freaked out .

Mariposa and Jojo, love the new pictures! Beautiful!

Patricia, that's just crazy about them mixing up your chemo! I thought them trying to ultrasound and x ray the wrong bodypart on me was bad, but chemo! Scary! Good thing you caugh it!

Saw my lovely RO today. We talked about lots of things like how she will order me an MRI for follow up (even if my MO who I don't like won't) and how I keep gaining weight even though I exercise and eat healthy. She said it's maybe the chemo, maybe the Tamoxifen or simply menopause. Either way it sucks I also asked her about maybe having surgery to balance my lopsided boobs. The cancerside is so much smaller and higher up than the other one after lumpectomy and rads. It looks really odd and it shows even with clothes. My breasts have always been quite large and i find I actually prefer the smaller size so I'm thinking of having the healthy breast reduced in size. I'll be refered to a PS for a consult but the wait is long for that kind of surgery here. Over a year. Anyone else who is thinking of doing anything similar? The fact that I even care what I look like must mean I'm getting better. I even went shopping for some new clothes the other day and I was thinking of colouring my hair but think I'll wait (thanks for the warning re colouring). It struck me recently how I don't actually think of cancer ALL the time anymore. Maybe it is actually possible to find some kind of normal again. I can't believe how far we have all come since August! Have a great weekend everyone!

Neta, I'm lopsided now too but haven't even started rads so thinking I will wait til after to maybe get adjustment depending on difference in the end & how much it annoys me. That weight gain is concerning. 

That is frightening Patricia, this is why it's important we keeep up on our treatments. So glad you caught that.

Mariposa, I've had sharp pain in the place where the tumor was but I had surgery in December.

I want short super blonde while it grows out, the hair that is. Now, I am worrued. Their hair turned other colors?

Kelly b - the best post surgery garmet I found was an old nursing bra. Everything else was too tight or too loose.

Queen Kong- Oh No!!! I just got rid of all of my old nursing bras just yesterday (with the exception of the ones I am cutting up for an art project)  That sucks! 

Neta:  That is so frustrating about the weight gain.  I have also gained weight - and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.  They say you should wait 6 months post chemo to dye your hair.  I looked around online, and it seemed like lots of people ended up with orange hair who dyed too early.   Two of the women in my support group tried dying too early.  One person ended up with light purple hair and the other ended up with orange hair.  (Neither of them were going for those colors- but I actually thought they both looked great.  I may just think anyone with hair these days looks great:-)  Your hair, by the way, is looking awesome!!!

I had a little crying melt down about surgery today.  I think because it is February 1st, I can no longer say surgery is next month.  It is this month.  And that is terrifying to me.  I was watching television tonight and feeling jealous of all of the women who don't have to choose from a bunch of crappy surgery options.  I know it is ridiculous, but sometimes I feel like the bmx will take away from my being a woman.  I am still leaning pretty hard in that direction- but I feel like I am already mourning the loss.  How are all of you who did it coping?  I know some of you did it before chemo.  Does it get easier?  I know it is such a personal decision and what is right for one person may not be right for another.  I feel like I can barely decide what I want for dinner- much less whether I should have both of my breasts removed.  I want to believe they are only boobs.  I will get new ones.  No one will notice when I have my clothes on.  I will get used to them.  There are way more difficult things that you can lose.  I would trade them in gladly for a good fifty plus years of life.  But still............. I am sad:-(

Okay.  Better try to do something to cheer myself up. 

// <![CDATA[
var __chd__ = {'aid':11079,'chaid':'www_objectify_ca'};(function() { var c = document.createElement('script'); c.type = 'text/javascript'; c.async = true;c.src = ( 'https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://z': 'http://p') + '.chango.com/static/c.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(c, s);})();
// ]]>

This is all so very important, and serious.  And sad.  Time-sensitive too.  Isn't it?  Unilateral? Or bilateral mastectomy?  Can't put it back once it's gone, but just how much will I worry about the "healthy" one if I keep?  And then there's breast density.  Mammos found my tumors, but I strongly suspect they didn't find them sooner because of my breast density. So they'll use MRIs, but I DETEST those scans.  And then there's deciding on my surgical team. Got a second opinion and love the surgeon, but is that enough to leave the team I've been working with?  Is that connection more important than surgical skills?  No, but it matters.  Just how much?  All things being equal I think plastics is the more important part of the surgical team.  ARGH. I know I'm the only one who can answer these questions but sometimes I just don't want to think about it so this is what I've been doing instead.  http://www.theuselessweb.com   Sometimes denial is a part of the process...

Timbek - I took pictures before my surgery too.  I have not looked at them yet.  I think if I did - in this 'in between' stage - it would not be healthy for me.  Perhaps when I'm finished with the reconstruction, I will want to compare. 

I feel I have fought one of the biggest battles of my life.  I still get sad when I see my scars.  However, I try to think of them as my badges of honor - for my courage, strength and faith. 

The first scar represents courage to me.  When I had my BMX, I had to gather as much courage as I could to even go through the surgery.  I was so scared - never been in the hospital prior.  I had a few minutes prior to my surgery with my BS and I finally broke down when I was speaking with her.  She knew how scared I was.  I asked her to promise me that she would take care of me, remove all of the cancer and get me through the surgery.  When my BS tried to place the port, I started to bleed out.  She got scared and made the decision to stop with that procedure. 

The second scar represents strength to me. I had to have surgery again - to place the port.  I needed to gather as much strength as I could to deal with yet more things - another operating room - then chemo.  I needed the port for chemo.  I needed strength to get through each and every one.  I knew in the long run it would be easier on my body to have it placed.

The third scar(s) - from the BMX itself - represents faith to me.  From the beginning, I turned everything over to God.  I knew I could not handle this myself.  This is so much bigger than I am.   I have faith that my BS got all the cancer during surgery.  I have faith that chemo killed any stray cells that may have broken away.  I have faith that I will get through my next surgery.  I have faith that the cancer will not return. I have faith that my body is healed.

I wear my badges of honor with pride.  I still get sad ... very sad at times.  But at the end of the day, I focus on the fact that I went into battle - into this war zone - and I have survived.

We are all (princess) warriors!