Hello ladies, I'm new here. Can someone please help me?

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Mirmirpanda
Mirmirpanda Member Posts: 89
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I just found out this morning that I am sitting at stage IIIa. I had 17/17 positive nodes, a tumour 4.7 cm at largest part and I'm triple positive. I'm trying to remain calm and stay focused and positive, but I don't have a definite stage yet. I'm so lost in thoughts.



I am a new mom. I have a beautiful 5 month old daughter. I'm only 33years old and was supposed to be getting married this summer/fall to the most amazing man....this is now postponed till further notice.



I'm terrified right now. My Dr. has ordered a PET/CT scan for next week (fingers crossed) and chemo to start shortly after. It feels like I'm losing control. I just want to watch my baby grow up so badly. I want to marry Chris and grow old with him and feel like its all being taken away from me.



Can anyone help me? I don't know how...I just need help right now

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    Hello - so sorry you are here with us ... but it is a wonderful and supportive place to be.  It is so difficult to not let your emotions run - especially right at the beginning.  It's terrifying.  But, you have a drive - your baby and your man - your wonderful life. 

    Can I ask why you postponed marriage?  I'm a little on the crazy side and I say - DO IT NOW!  Yup, plan and have a wedding in the next few days!  Go for it!!  Then, get through treatment and focus on that growing old part!

    Here's a little help...stay away from Dr Google and all statistics...fall in love with your healthcare team...come here often...check out the thread for the shopping list before chemo (very helpful)...be honest with yourself...remember - there is only one way to experience the love/support/kindness from our loved ones when we get a diagnosis like we have - this could bring you and Chris closer...

    ((((hugs))))

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  • MaxineO
    MaxineO Member Posts: 555
    edited January 2013

    I am so sorry you  had to join us, but don't lose hope.  I was one of those who went into surgery thinking I might be stage II but came out IIIa...once you get over the shock and get your treatment going, you will feel so much more in control.

    There is no reason to believe you won't watch your daughter grow and that you won't grow old with your husband (I agree with fuzzylemon...go get hitched!).  This will be a grueling year for you, but it is something you can then put behind you.  Your treatment plan and chemo look much like mine...very strong, which is very good.  I was 38 at diagnosis. I am 2 years out and feeling great. 

    The PET was the scariest part of the diagnostic experience for me, waiting is never fun.  But find comfort here. There is a lot of experience around these boards, and you are never alone.  Sending hugs.

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  • Momof2inME
    Momof2inME Member Posts: 683
    edited January 2013

    I am a little over a year from diagnosis and was right where you are. I too went into surgery with doctors having me convinced I was stage 1. Aggressive little bugger my tumor. I am triple positive as well. I was diagnosed at 37 when my kiddos were 15 months and 4 1/2 years old. It was quite a shock finding out I was stage 3.

    It does get better I promise. When I was in the thick of it I thought I would forever feel doomed. My fear was completely overwhelming that I would just look at my husband or kids and melt down. And Dr. Google just about did me in daily for a while. I stay far from it now as most info is not current and so should you.

    For ME: Ativan, a therapist, and these wonderful stage 3 ladies were my lifeline. It is scary, but each day bit by bit will be sunnier. We are similar in age and diagnosis so feel free to PM me anytime.

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  • kar123
    kar123 Member Posts: 273
    edited January 2013

    I can only echo what these kind ladies have already said.  It will get better.  You are in the worst and hardest part of the whole ordeal.  Once you start your treatment plan, you start to feel like you're doing something to get healthy again.  I highly recommend some pharmacological help ie Ativan/Xanax Wink  to help get through the really rough patches and then hopefully your friends, family and hubby to be will be there to help you through too.  Accept any and all help, don't be a hero!  Try and find the humor when you can.  Embrace the low maintenance hairdo.  I am 2 1/2 years out and can honestly say it will get better and you will be on this site helping someone else get through their new diagnosis.  Good luck and congrats on your baby and engagement!

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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited January 2013

    I am so sorry that you have to deal with this at a very special time in your life....keep coming back here, we are supportive and good people....thoughts and prayers..

    Sandy

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  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited January 2013

    Sorry you are having to deal with this and at such a young age. I too had 17/17 positive nodes. I have gotten so much support from these wonderful ladies and we truly understand how you feel. I had to have the CT scan and PET scan prior to surgery and I was so terrified. I had to take xanax and still do. It keeps me calm when I feel out of control and helps me sleep. There are lots of threads that will help you while going through treatments. I know I had tons of questions and these ladies have a lot of knowledge.

    Hugs..... Diana

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited February 2013

    Hi Honey. I was dxed 6 weeks before my " Big" wedding. When I got my dx of  Stage IIIC I knew I needed to concentrate on having an aggresive tx plan. I also had to relocate back to the United States for my tx.

    Everything looked so gloomy and scary ( and I am a nurse) I was really thrown by it all.

    That was well over 7 and one half years ago and I am blessedly well. I  married my guy and we're  living happily ever after and you will too! (Come here often for support. We all "get it" and can help)

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited February 2013

    Ikc..what a wonderful love story! Mirmirpanda...we all are here for you as you go through the scans, chemo and radiation. Your precious daughter will be such a wonderful joy for you to focus on as you go through treatment as well as the love and support of Chris. 

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  • Rachel1
    Rachel1 Member Posts: 363
    edited February 2013

    Mirmirpanda -- take a deep breath. This is the scariest part. But you will be starting your treatment and beating cancer's butt to the curb!! Focus right now on taking care of yourself and your beautiful baby. We will all be here to hold you up. I agree with the lady above who said stay away from Dr. Goggle. Trust me -- nothing good comes from it and the information is so outdated. Read the stories of all the node positive women who are years out.  However, keep in mind that there are so, so many that don't come here because they are so far out and living their lives!!! My stage 3 sister-in-law just celebrated 12 years.  My onc. told me about a stage 3 with 20/20 nodes who is now 23 years out and doing fine. That's not too shabby!!

    Big hug,

    Rachel

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  • fondak
    fondak Member Posts: 376
    edited February 2013

    Mirmirpanda,

    I can only be another voice saying it is true...this is the most difficult part of it all and you will get through it.  This forum was so much support and encouragement to me when I was where you are now and it has continued to be so. 

    I'll be praying for you and that sweet baby girl of yours....and congratulations on being a mom!

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  • Mirmirpanda
    Mirmirpanda Member Posts: 89
    edited February 2013

    I have just re-read my pathology report for the billionth time this morning. I am a IIIC. Don't know how I missed that. T2N3a...still no M. I'm terrified, so terrified. I'm teetering on curable vs in curable and it just makes my cry. I feel lost.



    Today I feel sick. I feel anxious and nauseous, achey, sore and sad, really really sad. I'm exhausted and I haven't even done anything yet. I'm in such disbelief right now, were just talking about being stage IIa and having another baby when I'm 39...now they're discussing possible removal of ovaries and such.



    I know I should be so thankful I even got to be a mom, but now the possibility of doing it again is so so low and it breaks my heart. I postponed my wedding due to how I'm feeling, how I'm feeling about myself. I keep thinking of this beautiful moment and then I think of being sick... But you're right, we should just GET married! Now I just gotta tell him.



    I just feel like I have found what people consider 'true love'. I met a man that changed my world and who just loves me and I love him so much and then there's Hazel, she makes my life crazy but she is just the most wonderful bundle of awesome ever and I never even entertained the idea of having kids! I want to protect them from all of this and I can't. It's been a crazy few months... Congratulations it's a girl and oh, and you have breast cancer.



    Thank you for all the inspiration, I haven't stopped crying since this time yesterday when I got the news. Just waiting for the call to get the PET scan date...it just has to be clear, it just has to be, this can't be stage IV. It just can't be!!! It really really can't be!!!





    ***just got the call, scan @9:45 on Tuesday, February 5th. Fingers crossed that it stays stage III!!!! Also talked with Chris and it looks like we're eloping.

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  • placid44
    placid44 Member Posts: 497
    edited February 2013

    Mirmirpanda,



    My mom was diagnosed stage IIIC, ILC, with 27/29 lymph nodes positive. She is doing very well five years later. She is highly ER-positive (she got a percentage...not sure whether it was from pathology report or doctor) and has done well on tamoxifen and now femara. She also has no lymphedema after doing the exercises and treatments.



    Herceptin can be very effective.



    I don't have the hormone option as I am triple negative.

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  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited February 2013

    Mirmirpanda- with 17 positive nodes I knew you were stage IIIc, but I didn't have the heart to tell you as you have enough to deal with, sorry.

    You have your beautiful little girl to help you stay strong and get through this. When I was first diagnosed in 2004 my son had just turned 5. I had all the fears you do and now that I am going through this again he is my strength once again. He will be 14 in May and I plan on dancing at his wedding some day. Everyone here will help you when you need us.

    Hugs...... Diana

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited February 2013

    Hey there, I hate we had to meet here but welcome aboard.  This is a wonderful site full of great ladies with info and hope.  Everything you are feeling right now is normal, I was right where you are 2 1/2 yrs ago.  I was 34 with a 3 yr and 18 mth old...breast cancer comes in and turns your world upside down.  Once you have a treatment plan in place you will feel more in control.  The treatments can be hard but are managble and you will get through it.  There are lots of women on here that are several years out and are cancer-free.  Come here often sweetie, we're here for you and understand.  Sending you hugs.

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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited February 2013

    Elope away and take lots of pix!! We are here for you, keep coming back!!

    Sandy

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  • mary625
    mary625 Member Posts: 1,056
    edited February 2013

    Dear Mirmirpanda: I can so sympathize with the reading of the path report and the pain and fear that comes along with it! I'm also IIIC but was diagnosed at 49 so a bit older than you. I am so glad that you are moving forward with your marriage plans. I'm hoping and praying that all goes well with your scan.

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited February 2013

    Path reports are overwhelming and create so much fear. But, you'll soon be in treatment and feel stronger knowing you are killing the cancer. For sure will be thinking of you Tuesday and praying your scan is clear!! So excited you'll be eloping....please do share the details as we all want to celebrate with you!!

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited February 2013

    Path reports suck, bigtime :( I am 18 months out from BMX, and I read mine again yesterday. It still makes me upset and scared to read all the details of the damned beast.

    Panda, do elope and have a blast. The only good thing cancer has brought me is that I am much more mindful of sucking as much enjoyment out of life as possible.

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  • Elizabeth1959
    Elizabeth1959 Member Posts: 346
    edited February 2013

    Mirmirpanda

    Reading your post brought back the horror I felt at reading my own pathology.  I kept hoping for IIB, but that is not what happened.  I also remember going through the scanner wondering if I had mets or not.  I know you are living a nightmare right now.  I am sorry you are going through this.  I have found the stage III boards helpful.  We are here for you.  I am glad you are eloping.  In many ways the surgery, chemo and rads are a very lonely journey.  Never the less my husband has been an invaluable suppor for me.  I think my children got some comfort knowing that one of their parents was healthy and not facing a life threatening illness.

    Elizabeth

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  • maryannecb
    maryannecb Member Posts: 1,453
    edited February 2013

    Being newly diagnosed is a difficult spot to be in...but this too will pass. Get ready for your upcoming treatments. Your disease burden is high and it is a scarey place to be in. Many women have been there before you and will help you along the way.

    My best to you and your family.

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  • TectonicShift
    TectonicShift Member Posts: 752
    edited October 2014

    The nice thing about eloping is you can splurge on making it the most wonderful experience, for just the three of you. Location, dinner, dress, flowers -- any or all of it can be whatever you like. I love the story of Miss Minimalist's wedding. (She's a prominent blogger in the "simple living" movement.) She eloped, and the way she describes it it sounds so dreamy to me:  http://www.missminimalist.com/2010/01/my-minimalist-wedding-dress/ You could wait until after you are done with treatment to elope if you want. It would be something nice to look forward too. And you don't want to be so scared and preoccupied that you don't even enjoy it. I promise that a few months after you are done with chemo and rads you will feel much better!

    I was diagnosed stage IIIc with 11 positive nodes including some busting open with cancer and blood vessel involvement in October or November of 2011 (I can't really remember the timeline). I started chemo in December 2011. Now my hair is back and I do five miles on the treadmill every day. I have aches and pains from the meds I'm on, and I'm still scared as I know risk of recurrence for me is high, but most of the time I can put it in the back of my head and get on with my day-to-day life. I'm less of a procrastinator now.

    Waiting for your scans is the hardest part of all this. The good news is even if you are stage IV, there are women living five, ten, 15 years, and more, with stage IV. A few percent of stage IV patients are even cured and live a full lifespan. Treatments are so good now, especially for ER+. There are many drugs you can go on for ER+ cancer. It's treated like a chronic disease. And Herceptin is a great drug too. It has completely changed the outlook for Her2+ cancers.

    But let's not go to stage IV right now. You are at the beginning of this journey. But you are at the beginning of the journey in 2013, not 2003 or 1993. Don't look at the stats just yet. They are old, and you probably won't understand enough to interpret them anyway. (I made that mistake -- which I eventually figured out.) Things have never looked brighter for breast cancer patients. Genome sequencing is changing things quickly. Treatments are tailored and specific to individual tumors. You will do well.

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  • Josiekat
    Josiekat Member Posts: 85
    edited February 2013

    I am 3C too and there is hope for all of us. Just take it step by step. Reach out, if you are feeling scared or confused. This board helped me quite a bit over the past year.

    I am so happy for all of the wonderful things happening for you, as well. Don't forget to breathe. Xoxo

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  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited February 2013

    I am year out from PFC. what a difference a year makes.

    last fall or last last fall when I had my pet scan. I had it in NYC cause I went up there to see another MO. my MO back home hadn't managed to schedule my pet. So she got me in next day. My dear sister (we are southern) called the MO and told her I was terrified/drinking a lot and needed to know what pet said. She called me on trip home that very day I had Pet. It was negative. Want me to call your MO and be your crazy sister?

    Hey and when this is all  over have your dream wedding. only if we're invited

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  • kar123
    kar123 Member Posts: 273
    edited February 2013

    Oh, one more thing...check out the 5 yr + survival thread in this group.  It helped me get through some dark times.

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited February 2013

    Fredntan, I love that idea, that we can play each other's crazy sister to get the docs moving. Excellent!

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  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited February 2013

    It helps if you talk to them in your innocent little southern voice. She got that pet scan read in less than four hours. My sister can drive me crazy sometimes, but she has a heart of gold. Love that girl

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  • Mirmirpanda
    Mirmirpanda Member Posts: 89
    edited February 2013

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I will graciously accept all advice and wisdom put forth to me. I appreciate it more than I can say. Theses days are long and have had such little sunlight...



    I have been avoiding the Internet as I find I end up hanging out with Dr. Google and in turn making myself feel worse.



    Right now I'm just trying to stay busy, well with an almost 6 month old that ain't hard haha. I find myself drifting into a dark place, it's like a black hole and I'm desperately trying to get away from it. I feel helpless. Trying to stay as positive as I was before is happening... I have been having problems sleeping, eating and strangely enough speaking. My whole body hurts, my stomach is so upset, having intense panic attacks and everything makes me cry. I hold Hazel and instead of feeling the overwhelming love I have for her, I feel such pain and terror. Chris hugs me and I start to bawl, I am so sorry for having to put him through all of this, I know how scared he is and I can't seem to comfort him. I haven't talked with anyone in days, I ignore my phone... I just don't know what to say.



    I think the main stress does come from not knowing exactly what I'm up against. That I'm going to have to endure so much from a situation I didn't ask to be in. I cry and I scream, I get right pissed off but it doesn't change anything. Why me? Well, why not me! I'm no better than anyone else. No one deserves this!!! I just want to get better, I want to put this all behind me and get back to loving my life!!!



    I can't win this race without running the marathon. I just wish I had had a better entry.



    On a brighter note I found a dress. It's a black, scalloped lace, tea length dress. Very vintage and very cute. Will wear it with a black birdcage fascinator/veil. Thinking pale pink/ivory rose bouquet. I am a very heavily tattooed young lady, poofy white dresses aren't my friends, well white clothing I general haha.

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  • Mirmirpanda
    Mirmirpanda Member Posts: 89
    edited February 2013

    Also does anyone know how reliable bone scans are?! I have had an annoying pain in my lover back, right side for months!!! I had a bone scan and it came back with no evidence of mets, but my back still hurts. Sometimes the pain creeps down my leg.

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited February 2013

    Panda, that sounds like sciatica. You should fet chcked for a hernia, which can happen during pregnancy.

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  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited February 2013

    I second the sciatica

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