Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients

How about a "stupid sh*t I said"? I was talking with my mom about being broke and joking about fibbing on my tax return to get a bigger refund. She says "They'll toss you in jail for that." So I say "They are years behind, I'll be dead before they ever figure it out!" like this is a good thing. Duh. Sorry mom. 

At my long-time hematologist/ oncologist last meeting after I just got out of another hospital stay. br />

He didnt understand why I was so out of it that day(I was up all night trying to sort out insurance) asked me personal questions about a traumatic incident, ordered a batch of fluids, etc., got mad that I was so slow and walked out of the room, causing me to spill my coffee all over myself.



after the fluids, he came out in the hall: "No oncologist wants take care of you, and I no longer care & will no longer see you again. my health is more important...."



I'm hoping he just had a temper tantraum but I don't know what to do. I went out and bought all his staff presents, him, too, and left him a $200 check with a note apologizing how sorry I was that I had been so out of it during our visit.



I didnt get a response and I don't know what to do. I stopped one of the chemos because if I get sick, I don't have him to turn to....



why didnt anyone warn me that it is impossible to be treated for stage 4 bc without any support from friends or family?

You should report him. Surely he has a boss.

at least they caught it early.

hmmm. I was just dx with stage IV leptomeningeal carcinoma. No, it was caught super late. Said to me as I was laid up inhospital for 2 weeks w complications.

"We don't call it terminal anymore..." That drives me crazy...primarily because most people do not understand gravity of a Stage IV dx to begin with...and to manipulate the language to call it "chronic" vs. terminal just serves to perpetuate that lack of understanding and awareness. It's so insulting. It makes us look like a bunch of hypchondriacs or something instead of women (and men) fighting for our lives each day for as long as the meds work for us.

I wonder if that fellowship assistant would consider it chronic if she (God forbid) ever got the diagnosis.

I had been blown off by two doctors who felt that helping anyone in Stage IV was a waste of medical resources. Hearing from my RO that her expectation was to treat this as chronic was comforting and restored my hope.

There are days that the same phrase I heard yesterday hits me a completely different way the next day.

But between hearing 'go home, you have cancer and should expect pain' and hearing 'I can't cure you but I can try to make this a chronic disease'...chronic is OK for me.

Small comfort?

"You're not dead yet" - said by my dad, while I was sobbing incoherently after learning I had been diagnosed with my first metastatic recurrence.

I was too stunned to reply.

But I've been diagnosed with two more metastatic recurrences since then, and I am still on this earth.

Was his callous comment a form of shock therapy? Who knows? But never would I have said what he said to anyone.

Regarding some of the preceeding comments:

I never fail to be amazed at the clumsy and downright mean things parents say to their children. It's as if they they feel entitled to drop their filters and let fly with whatever pops into their heads at the moment, whether it stems from anger, fear, stupidity, vindictiveness, competitiveness or all of the above.

Tina

 Chick, I thought the same thing today..

I hate it when people say "we can all die tomorrow, like in a car crash, we just have today"  true, but they don't have this dx looming over them

My Sister-in-law: "You breast fed, so it really isn't your fault."

SIGH.

I forget that others aren't planning their deaths. THe other day, I was chatting with a friend who is generally my age which is 54. After a joke about never being able to retire [we are both self-employed] said that I really didn't want to have to sell my violin. It would be better for the estate if the estate sold it for tax purposes. The look on her face said it all. She had never for even a moment considered an "estate" or her will or anything even remotely related to dying.

Since she doesn't know that I have progressed, I had to dance quickly to remove myself from the hole that I had dug. I simply forget that others don't think about dying. EVER! And I do.

*susan*

MOM: I learned (didn't bother to ask of course) women with bc in left boob had traumatic issues with their children, those with bc in right boob had traumatic issues with their husbands. 

ME: MY son is just 8 years old, I have been happy with him so far ???

btw, dad sitting next to her. She has bc in right boob. 

Still trying to catch up here... I'm on page 14, but just called my Mom on Saturday and told her about my diagnosis... she rushed to get off the phone (I know it was because she wanted to call all of her friends and tell them about me)... and she said: 

"Well, I'm going to let you go.  So, keep me posted."  

Really, that's a conversation between mom/daughter who just found out she's terminal... I mean, chronic...  And, she did tell her friends, because shortly after that her friend had posted on Facebook to pray for me, which I promptly asked her to take down as she (my Mom) is the ONLY person we have told!!!!