Do I really Have To Talk About How crappy I feel?

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So couples counseling - ive never been good at communication, i guess because i process things in my head. Not my husband - he likes to talk about every thing....till theres nothing left to say.

Now I am suppose to talk about how bad i feel every day - check in - when to me, focusing on the negative only makes me feel worse.  Every day i just think about gratitude, not how bad my joints hurt, or how i only got 2 hours of sleep, or how i feel depressed about my weight gain and feeling like im 75 years old in a 50 yr old body.

If i dont, i could be looking at divorce.  Its that bad.  Every time I feel like sleeping instead of talking, my husband thinks its bc of him, he did something wrong, we arent being intimate bc i wont talk about my feelings, should i go on?

I explained how I feel about this to the therapist - and its basically like im not participating anymore in the relationship....so i was asked not to come back until i feel better (when IS that?), or i go off the AI.....whatever comes first.  

So what do you think?  SHould I start whining about how bad I feel till it drives everyone around me crazy?

Comments

  • Chickadee
    Chickadee Member Posts: 4,467
    edited January 2013

    Find a new counselor. This one sounds like a twit.

  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited January 2013

    Shayne, a psychologist/counselor who specializes in working with bc patients would better understand what you're going through.  The one you have now sounds totally clueless, and not a good fit for your needs.   (((Hugs))),   Deanna

  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited January 2013

    How do i find one?  I have no idea where to look.  Im in a really small town too.....

    The thing is - this is our marriage counselor.  Im not going to her to talk about cancer.  I dont really WANT to talk about cancer......  

  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited January 2013

    Shayne, a wonderful psychologist @ ULCA once made the point to me that if I ever needed to talk to someone, to be sure to talk to someone who deals with bc all the time, because there are so many things about it that general counselors just won't understand, and this isn't the time to try to explain to someone why an A/I makes you feel crappy, for example.  Those who deal with bc patients all the time will already know how tx makes you feel and should be able to offer you appropriate strategies, and maybe even some complementary treatment suggestions to ease your physical discomfort.  It's not that you have to talk about cancer.  It's just that cancer and the way it's changed your life and the way you feel about yourself can't be compartmentalized from whatever else is going on in your life right now.  But the right counsel will understand all that, so that you won't have to explain it.  They should be able to move your forward without re-hashing the past.

    I'd suggest calling the nearest NCI-designated cancer center:  http://cancercenters.cancer.gov/cancer_centers/map-cancer-centers.html

    These are the institutions that see a lot more bc than other places, so usually have a team of psychologists on staff.  If there isn't one within a reasonable drive of where you live, maybe call the closest one, and see if they can possibly suggest someone in your area -- maybe someone at a local hospital or someone in private practice who either worked or trained at their hospital.  

    I just don't think the counselor you're with now sounds like they have any understanding of what's going on with you, or they never would have sent you away until you feel better!!!    Deanna

  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited January 2013

    Thanks Deanna  :)

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