How am I supposed to stay POSITIVE?

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EmmaL
EmmaL Member Posts: 28
edited June 2014 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

 1ST time i went to see a doctor, 

i went to hospital for a bump in my right breast. i was very positive that i would be fine. i ve been very proud of my health condition: no pharmacy, no gp, no hospital for more than 10 years! …oh, i gave birth of my son 3 years ago, but it doesn't count, does it?

a doctor said: you are diagnosed with breast cancer! 

 

2ND time, i went to see MY doctor,

i did a lot of searching at home and keep positive. OK, i have cancer but it s not that bad. 

 

my doctor said: … IDC Grade 3 …. your lymph nodes is also positive for malignancy (2 or 3). we are going to do the surgery to remove both of them … 

  

3RD time, i went to see my doctor. 

my doctor is very experienced (yeah, i googled her as well). Now the tumors are removed. I am positive i can go through this. in fact, i was discharged next day, healing well and quickly.

my doctor said: the pathological report show that the tumour in the right breast is actually double the size (7cm). 17 out of 22 lymph nodes were affected!

 

= = = = = = = = = 

I am going to do an extra CT scan before the chemo.  they want to see whether the other part of my body is spreaded… 

 

i want to stay positive because i am told it is important. but i am really SCARED to stay positive…

 

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  • sewingnut
    sewingnut Member Posts: 1,129
    edited January 2013

    Emma,  Check out this thread on BCO   http://community.breastcancer.org/topic_post?forum_id=47&id=778961&page=1

    These women also have large tumors and may be able to offer their expertise.  Glad you found BCO. You will find support and encouragement.

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  • cowpower
    cowpower Member Posts: 293
    edited January 2013

    Emma, I had a 7.5 cm tumor removed last January, also 23 nodes. The best advice I can give you for coping at this stage is to do it truly one step at a time. Go to whatever appointment or test is scheduled for each day, then try to do the normal things each day brings. Easier said than done, I know, but it really helped me to leave the hospital after, say, a CT scan and then go to my son's soccer game or out with a friend. As for staying positive, it is easier when you can distract yourself, but I dont think anybody can be positive all the time. Feelings of anger and sadness, etc are normal. If you feel like the negatives are taking over, speak to your Dr, Help is available. This website will help too. We are here for ypu.

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited January 2013

    Hello, Emma:

    There is absolutely no requirement to stay positive, and whoever told you that is probably a believer of junk psychology, doesn't know what you are going through or believes in the pinkwashing crap.

    It is important to stay "as best as you can" - but more than positive that means, above all, acting on the situation in a constructive way (which you are already doing by seeking treatment) and, importantly, not judging yourself or your reactions. The fear is understandable - we all have it. Don't add to it by censoring it. You are ok, and your reactions are ok, and the fear will not change the course of your cancer or treatment by one iota.

    It is great that you are reaching out here, and I hope it helps. It's crappy to have a big tumor with lots of nodes involved but it's great that you are taking steps to remediate things by seeking treatment.

    Unfortunately, the treatment process can feel as though you are being sold one bill of goods and delivered another. It is VERY common for the pathology report to uncover things that are different from what you were initially told. Only surgery and a pathologist's microscope have the final answers. Many of us are given an initial diagnosis and a more advanced one after surgery. This can wreak havoc on the psyche, but you will get to a better place - when you are ready.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited January 2013

    Emma,

    My diagnosis was not like yours but I want to offer my support and let you know there is hope. I went from initial dx of a tiny bit of IDC and dcis with no nodal involvement to stage IV with bone mets in a 5 month time frame. I say this not to frighten you but to let you know that once you have a plan in place with an onc you have confidence in, things will not seem as bleak. I understand what a shock this is. You don't always have to be positive! As a matter of fact, letting yourself run through the full gamut of emotions is the right thing to do. BTW, I am 15 months out from my dx. I work full time and lead a fairly normal and rewarding life. Wishing you the best.

    Caryn

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  • EmmaL
    EmmaL Member Posts: 28
    edited January 2013

    thank you all for your warm replying...

    give me a few minites wiping the tears, thanks!

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  • EmmaL
    EmmaL Member Posts: 28
    edited January 2013

    please let me 'up' my post to say thanks again... to all of you!

    after i ve read the replies. i decided to do keep myself busy on whatever i can and stay far far away from the cancer related issues.

    IT HELPS! i mean this monday i have my CT result and it shows no sign of metastatic. of couse the doc is very careful with his word. it doesnt mean the cancer cell is not spread. but that is what the chemo is going to deal with.

    after i was dignosed, all the bad news,  one by one, simply make my 'grade' and 'stage' higher and higher. i still have a little doubt that my cancer 'babies' can be so ‘cooperative’ that they all grow locally! but my stage can stop at iiic finally.

    anyway, i ve finished the most anoying checking and waiting stage. on wednesday, my chemo started. so far, the side effects have not hit me hard yet. but i ve got myself a bald-head already. i dont want to SEE it falling down. at least, this is something i can control. Oh, by the way, i had a huge discount from my hairdresser, which so far is the first 'benefit' i have from my cancer.

    ok, this is my story so far ...

    GOOD LUCK to all of us!

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  • Kim556644
    Kim556644 Member Posts: 17
    edited January 2013

    Emma, you had your surgery a day b4 I had my reconstructive surgery. My diagnosis is different from yours but I thought I would share what helped me. Whiile going thru the process it helped me to keep telling myself " I can do this!" You will not always be positive but keep that chin up. I don't know your religious association but that helped me too. And I prayed for children (and their families)I knew that were diagnosed with cancer in past few years. Somehow it helped me take the focus off me (which I found helpful). I also had a good friend stage IV bc(w more nodes than u) check up on me. She is back to normal now btw--beautiful and teaching school. There is great life after all the process. Keep your chin up and we will help you. You can do this.

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