In shock

Forward thinking - yes, yes,YES!!!! Your strength is showing through the struggle now. Put on some favorite music, watch some of your heartland videos, use the energy of those things to help you pass the time without counting the minutes on the clock. Have you ever tried meditating techniques? Here is a really easy one. Close your eyes, and just focus on your breath going in and out your nose. Don't try to change or control your breathing. Feel the air going in your nose as you inhale. Sense the difference in how it feels as it comes back out when you exhale. Benny, there are angels in your pockets and on your shoulders. (((((((xxxxx)))))))

Benny, thinking of you. Please do not panic like the other sisters have said. You have this under control .          

You need to breath and say to yourself I got this, I'm IN control. Use my motto, 'mind over matter'

You got this girl !!

Dakota, thinking of you, hope you ok. I know your two wonderful kids would be helping you out just remember spag bol for a quick easy peasy dinner ... lol

Websister, hope you doing ok on hercepin and no headaches or hot flushes !! (bring out that fan if so) lol

Good night to you all that are ready to sleep and sweet dreams to those are in dream land now.

I'll be off to the pool in a couple of hours  2nd day with no Cytoxan pills and I don't have queezy tummy and feel 'alive' ..... I'm ok with 2 more weeks of this

FYI Benny....I meant it, I'll be up for awhile and playing on the computer to help pass the time. If you are up and want to communicate.....I'm here, so type away.

Hey There....Benny, you're doing it!!!!!!! You ARE coping, don't be trying to measure up to some "ideal cancer patient image". Those are pretenders in movies. There is not one person with cancer that doesn't have serious panic, down times. I think it is best to vent it out and deal with it, than try to keep it buried. 

Love hearing how you're back in the "tomorrow" thinking too. Can you tell I'm sending hugs??????

oh you girls crack me up !!
Love you all sooo much, know we have never met and probably never will but we are kindred spirits and understand each other in a way no one else ever will.Love is universal and I believe the best feeling in the world.

Benny, I am proud of you, as are we all, you have turned around your mind set and I know you will keep it up. When you meditate, ( great idea ) place your hands palms upwards and slightly cupped to receive energy from the universe. I focus on a beautiful meadow which I walk through barefoot,Di can be there grazing.
Stream on the right, walk towards the stream and then sit on a large flat stone at the head of the stream, feet in the water face to the sun.
To your left the stream falls away to a poweful waterfall, take all you pain, apprehension, and uncertainty and throw into this waterfall and watch them get carried away.
Lay down on the warm stone and rest.
Find this one really helpful.
Feel some empathy to know my chemo was of the same family as yours, as it causes the pain from hell, red devil very apt for you.
Please eat as meds defo no good on emprty tum.
You are in control now, fight brave warrior. x

Websister, you are really amazing. The fact mine is part of the red devil family has actually made me feel better. Now I know it is not something I am or am not doing that makes everything burn.
My veins from the IV are painful and that is going to get better in the future I have been told.
Hope your Mum still ok and you too. x

Nihahi, icepack, heatpack, wow. Hope they did the job.
You are great using your no sleep time to reassure Benny,
Hope you are ok x

Caitlin, Thinking of you ((( gentle hug )))x

Traii, Nice that you are free from any se's at the moment. Apprehensive about the tablets a bit as the anti nausea made me feel so bad I couldn't drive and without my wheels I feel lost lol.
I had a glorious day in Liverpool yesterday with my bessie, we laughed so much got funny looks from old dears in marks and spencers cafe. Oops .
Shopped until we dropped, bought two lovely sweater dresses, more thermal tights which as 10 hours of snow forecast tomorrow, think I might need.x

Dakota, hope you ok today. x

Bearcub.luvmy,joanne,carla,liefie, and anyone MY old brain has missed luvsya x

Benny, it seems you are doing everything in your power to stay positive and on top of this thing. If I compare your posts now to your posts in the beginning of this forum, you are indeed a changed person. We are all so much stronger than we think we are, and when you are forced to face an ordeal like this, that strength truly shines through, and we amaze ourselves by what the human spirit can process and endure. All of us here can be proud of ourselves. This disease is certainly not for the faint of heart. Best wishes for today!

Edi, that 'field of dreams' sounds idyllic. With Diamond grazing nearby, and Benny sunning himself on the grass, birds chirping, and the stream gently going by, one would never want to leave.

nihahi, you and I are a pair of hippies !! Love the add on to the meadow very much, making it even more idylic.

As for the cabana boy yay !! bring him on.Sure Benny will too lol.
Have you experienced Reiki  That and anything that takes you into a different place is so comforting isnt it ? x

Liefie, feel free to walk in the meadow I would love to see you there x

I have just been gently told off by five year old GD, we picked her up from school, for her dinner she wanted fries,peas and southern fried flavour chicken pieces of chicken breast.
These were oven cooked and fries were cooked the healthy way so Nan awaited the compliments.
Chicken too spicy !! so had to eat them myself and scramble her an egg. She loves the original meal usually but I had bought  a different brand that is me put in my place. Now Nan has heartburn !! Oops thought burning pipes had calmed down. Won't make either of those mistakes again in a hurry.
You would all laugh if you could see our local sainsbury's supermarket. Panic buying as snow forecast all day tomorrow. We Brits are complete wimps. lol

See you later all x

Hi all, just trying to upload photo for the first time...this is my GD on a horse

Benny, so glad to hear you sound relatively good. Can you tolerate any milk products? During chemo I consumed many bottles of flavoured milk. It is sold everywhere. The vanilla flavour is particularly good, and the cold milk is very soothing to the sore, dry throat. I lived on that milk - could not stomach much else. Cheers!

Edi, your GD is so precious. What a joy she must be! Horseriding is fun, and horses are such beautiful, sensitive animals. When the kids were little we owned three horses, and the children enjoyed them so much. One was a temperamental Arab mare, Simone. After she had thrown me off three times over the course of a few months, I quit riding before I broke something. You will do way better, because it will be a controlled environment and a good horse. That cabbage dish was delicious. DH is not a lover of cabbage, but he said it was tasty. Tonight I will serve up the leftovers with some sour cream and grated Cheddar. Should be good.

Thanks girls, she is just the model of her Mummy, like living her childhood over again without the stress lol.

Liefie, glad cabbage went well it does make it easier to eat if you aren't too fond of it.
Three horses, wow she asked Santa for just one in the back garden but he forgot.
Flying through the air off one is my only worry.Hope like Benny says they will give me a big gentle one.

Benny,recipe not posted but is on risotto recipes BBC good food.lots of them on there, all lovely and you can add and subtract things which don't agree with you.I omitted wine and only had a teeny bit of cheese. No sundried toms so sliced fresh one under spinach at the end for colour and flavour.Green pea one on there looks yummy too.
ED was using photobucket as I started on there, will keep practising, fingers crossed.

Carla, are you ok ?

Popping off to make GD a birthday cake with guess what ? a horse on it lol> pics to follow ( i hope )