Too Much Husband

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DivineMrsM
DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I've been married over 20 years to a great guy.  He's been supportive of me during the bc thing and we continue to share great times together.  We are somewhat empty-nesters with a child in college.

As much as we get along, there are times when I want time alone.  Just time in my house all by myself.  My husband has never understood that, and becomes angry and argues with me when I bring up the subject.  Over the years, we've heard numerous wives say the same thing, that they'd like a break sometimes from the husband.  Doesn't matter to my DH, he thinks I'm the only wife who has this weird need.

DH is now having some back issues, and is on modified work duty at his job.  Whereas before he might work a bit of overtime, giving me an evening here or there to myself, now he isn't eligible for that until after his back issues clear up, and God only knows how long that will be.  He sometimes gets together to play guitar with some friends, but he's even called that off due to, he says, his back.  So now he's stuck here in the house with me all the time.  

We work the same hours, get home the same time, have the same days off.  I find things to do outside the home, but there are times when I'd like the HOUSE to myself for a whole evening.  And he gets SO PISSED at me for wanting that.  If I said I wanted a new car, he would take me to any car dealership I wanted and be obsessed with getting one for me.  If I said I wanted a Carribean vacation, he'd tell me to plan it. But the alone time he can't do.

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  • odie16
    odie16 Member Posts: 1,882
    edited January 2013

    I totally understand. It is actually a running joke in our house since I swear he has radar & knows when I am home alone. Inevitably, he always shows up within 5-10 minutes.My hubby is kinda a homebody but does try to give me space once in a while. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder only works if they go away...lol....

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  • crazyride43
    crazyride43 Member Posts: 154
    edited January 2013

    Your post jumped right out at me because I feel exactly the same way.  Love my husband dearly and enjoy spending time together, but also treasure my alone time when I don't need to do or be anything for anyone.  My husband works from home, so he is always here.  This Tuesday he has a business meeting and will be gone all day, and I am seriously thinking of taking a personal day so I can just hang in the house by myself LOL!  I get my fill of "me time" during golf season when he is out of the house pretty consistently on weekends, but winter is tough.  Like you, I have activities out of the house, but it's not the same as just lounging in sweats and watching bad lifetime movies!

    I feel fortunate that my husband does seem to understand my need for alone time, and seems to have the same need himself.  I think how you feel is probably more common than not.  I remember reading something about the percentage of marriages that break down when couples get to retirement age and suddenly have too much together time!  I choose to believe it's healthy to have at least one or two separate interests and enjoy time alone!! I'm already looking forward to March when my DH will go away with buddies on a golf trip for a week.  Woohoo!  Laughing

    I hope your DH's back improves quickly so you can at least have guitar night back to yourself!  Does he do vacations with male friends?  Fishing?  Since it sounds like he's a little prickly on this subject I'm sure it's tough to bring up suggestions like this.  It's not the same as being in your own house, but maybe you could take some mini breaks by yourself to a spa or even just to stay in a hotel somewhere nice and go shopping?  One of the best vacations I ever had was by myself to a hiking spa in Vermont. 

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