January 2013 surgery

Kkuziel, the what-ifs are neutral, really they are. And the what-ifs are your best friend. Every warrior princess runs through the what-ifs for herself, for others, and the reason for that is so she is ready for whatever comes into play. Sure there is nervousness about the impact the what-ifs-that-become-real will have on herself and others. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of fear and sometimes it is the determination to face the fear down. So yes, this gets better, because you find out how strong you are, and how determined you are to fight against this sneaky breast cancer.

Hello lovely ladies!!!



Been a little MIA since my surgery on the 8th, but I gotta tell ya, I'm feeling GREAT!!! Been going through all of the new posts and it's just wonderful to read that everyone is doing so well and being so positive!!!



Everything has been going so well. No pain, just itchy!!!! Ugh, the bandages are driving me nuts and I'm dreading having them removed! Cleaning the drain isn't as bad as I thought it would be, not much coming out anymore, almost clear. Appetite is normal, in fact I was absolutely starving as soon as I came out of recovery at the hospital and ate a huge meal and a whole lot of fruit . Range of motion is good, shoulder and neck a bit sore from sleeping propped up on the sofa, really nothing to complain about. Not really taking pain meds, only got tramadol. Getting out, taking walks. The weather has been wonderful for this time of year. Ended up spoiling ourselves and bought a 50" plasma tv, an Xbox, an iPad mini and some video games. Also picked up a scent diffuser for the house with some calming healing oils, I love it! My friends have been so supportive, making us meals and helping out with the dogs and the baby. Hardest things are not being able to pick up Hazel. It makes me so so sad when she cries for mommy and I can't grab her. Gotta wait for Chris to pick her up and give her to me. I feel like I could pick her up, but was told nothing over 10lbs. I desperately want a shower. Baby wipes just aren't cutting it haha. Also I'm constipated it sucks. I've been taking stool softener, eating lots of fruit and fibre and staying hydrated but nothing has worked. Any suggestions?



The waiting anxiety hasn't been as bad after surgery as it was before. I got the tumour out, the core of the disease. Now I wait for the pathology report. Praying for clean nodes, clean bone scan and really happy, positive results!!! Trying to stay as optimistic as possible. I just want this all to be over, I want my life back!!! Sigh, I know we all do.



Sadly, I have postponed my wedding for a few years. Just can't get excited about it right now. I can't imagine myself walking down the aisle anymore. Thinking about it actually makes me sad. I'm also thinking about freezing some of my eggs. I'm scared that after years of battling cancer and taking tamoxifen, I won't be able to have another baby. We wanted to try for baby number 2 after our wedding this year. I wish adoption wasn't such a long, hard process. We actually have discussed adopting an older child, around Hazel's age, in 5 or so years. Anyone have experience with adoption?



Thank you ladies. Thank you all for sharing your fears, your wisdom and your lives, for being so brave and helping navigate this journey. It gives me hope and I know it makes me stronger. I hope you are all doing well and finding peace and comfort.

Thanks Tami! I'm going to the drugstore!!! Mir.

Mirmirpanda~so nice to hear you're doing so well! You sound like a strong, positive person which is probably why you will recover fast and be holding that little darling of yours very soon!

I tried sleeping in the recliner and had a hard time getting my big ass up.  I had bought a 10" back wedge from Relax the Back before the surgery and it has worked great.  Being able to sleep in my own bed with my husband to hold my hand has made me feel so much better.  I do not have much pain just where the drains are coming out.  I have 4 and only 2 seem to be working well.  I called the doctor today to let him know they are not working and he said to call back Monday and maybe he will take 2 out.  So that was a plus to my day!!  So glad everyone else is having good recovery also. 

Scatsm..Glad you are feeling better. It's so hard to be empty nesters. I have two sons who have left the nest for awhile and now we have our 23 back with us! Even though I did enjoy the alone time with DH, I love having my boys with me. They can live with me forever!



Robin..I need to look at getting a back wedge. I have also seen a side sleeper pillow. Of course, I can't remember where. My surgery is coming up, so I better get with it. I'm glad your doing well.



Mirmipanda.. You will feel different about your wedding before you know it. Give yourself time to heal and you will be dancing down that aisle. Hazel can be your flower girl!!



Off to my recliner. So tired today. And I have so much to do with work and home. Kinda overwhelming. Bought a new wig today. Blonder and shorter. Makes my face fatter! This gets expensive! Insurance paid for the first one. They don't last very long as they get ratty.

Ok, this is a dumb vain question for all of you that had surgery already. My worry and I'm a worrier...probably why I have cancer.....is did they cover your bald head up before any of your family saw you in recovery? They have all seen me bald many times but I don't want them to see me like that right after surgery. I won't be looking my Sunday best and then with a bald head with one lone gray hair that has decided to sprout three inches while the rest is stubbly. Stupid, I know!!

Mir, I'm sorry to hear about postponing the wedding and possibility of not having a 2nd baby ;( Adoption is a pretty long process but it helps so many. I was adopted when I was 13 from Russia. My parents went through Nightlight Adoption Agency. Russian government has banned all Russian adoptions but nightlight uses a lot of different countries, kids all ages. My mom LOVEs to talk about about adoption...so if u ever have any questions let me know.



Hopex3, I had the same concern. I did not want anyone to see me bald...not even doctors. They let me keep my wig on. 🌺



This is why I love reading ur girls' experiences it helps me see I'm not alone! U go through a lot if the same emotion and thought processing! Thank u!

MMSS - you're probably right about the differences in medical care between countries.  My insurance pays the room rate for the hospital for as long as I'm here, so the longer they keep me, the more money they make!

MirMir - great to hear you're feeling physically well.  I agree the post-op feeling is less intense and urgent than waiting for the op.  So sorry for your dilemma with the the wedding and the children.  Your situation makes me realise I have so much to be grateful for - I'm post-menopause, children grown, no real problems except for lumpie.  You younger ones have so much more to face than I, your courage makes me humble.

Robin - it's interesting that you have better sleeping in the bed with a wedge than the recliner.  I have a recliner at home (in the store in NSW), and I can't image being comfortable sleeping in it.  Before I came into surgery, husband and I designed a board for under the mattress that will allow us to raise the bed head (stuffing things like duvets underneath to hold it up).  I'm hoping this will work like your wedge.  Like you, most of my pain is coming from the drains (damn things).  I'm very tempted to sneak out with the hospital bed!

Susan - I'm sorry you're feeling so down . Sending {{hugs}} and loving care to you and I hope you hear about the nodes soon.

Hopex - I don't think you're being silly or vain.  Appearance is important to us, and our morale and self-confidence helps us heal.  You do whatever you need to do to feel good.  Ask your nurses, I'm sure something could be arranged.

Jennifer - you hold on to that courage of yours.  If you're feeling down - please accept some loving {{hugs}}

I'm still in hospital, looking at my lovely view and getting very bored.  I'm feeling fine except for some pain around the drains.  I reacted badly to tramadol (nasty itchy hives after 2nd pill), so they've got me on anti-histamines and paracetamol. Not nearly as effective for the discomfort but I'm managing.

Tomorrow I'm booked to go for a bone scan.  Does anybody know if they do these with drains still in?  I guess I'll ring them in the morning and ask.  I'm going to feel pretty silly driving halfway across town holding a drain bag.

Sweet and healing dreams to all my January sisters and all those who have reached back and helped us.

MMSS - thanks for making me smile!

Hopex3 - I bet the recovery nurses will do anything you ask to make you feel more comfortable...the key is to ask!

Jebdra -thanks for the healing thoughts.



Maybe I'm weird, but I got rid of the wedge the second night and am now sleeping with my usual bolster and pillows. I can't lie on my side at all...it's much too painful.



As the days are going by, I am seeing more bruising around the drains, but the pain is about the same. I still am draining about 100 ccs a day. I hope to get my drains out next Friday at my BS follow up.



Sending healing thoughts to all!

Susan

Had my pre-op appt with the surgeon Friday- plan is lx, ax node biopsy (level I & II) and she said 100% chemo for me.  I'm 40 with at least one (probably 2) positive nodes, small 1 cm lumpie- agressive.  She said no oncotype testing.  i told her i am young, strong, healthy, willing and able to throw everything i've got at this...doc agreed- for me, chemo is a GOOD thing.  KILL it NOW.  After lx & ax nodes are pulled next friday (yeah!) we agreed i no longer have cancer.  IT IS GONE!  And if i have any little rogue cells floating around, that's what the chemical and rad warfare are for...kill them for good and for always.  At my age, chemo and rads make sense...bring on the chemo!  Feeling happier after the appt, too.  Doc said i am positive, dealing with this head on and she sees no reason i can't destroy this.  She told me to go ahead and buy green bananas- i'll be around to enjoy them.    Now we just wait for Friday...repeating the sentiment already expressed here...kick ass and chew bubblegum and baby, i am ALL OUT OF BUBBLEGUM!!!

Looks like the weekend break is over and it is back to the surgery schedule with Chapter 4 and Wirdgirl up for tomorrow. Our love and prayers go with you as you add your contribution to our fast growing pile of discarded cancer cells. You go girls!

Runner1987, so glad you are doing well. I just read your blog and oh my goodness, it was delightful! Thank you for making me laugh and for seeing the big 'C' through the eyes of a 25 year old. You have an incredible gift. I hope others will take the time to read what you have written. It is brilliant. Thanks, Ann

wirdgirl118 and chapter 4, you're up tomorrow and the day that seemed like forever getting here will soon be a distant memory. You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.



Lmimp64,

I am so sorry that you are having such bruising and swelling. I am also sorry that your husband wants you to ignore the pain and get back to normal. I know you know that is the worst possible thing you could do. It would only delay your healing and potentially set you up for chronic conditions down the road. Please take care of yourself get the rest you need and allow yourself time to heal!



Runner1987,

Congratulations on the clear nodes!!!!!!!!!!!! Great news!

Simple case of follow the leader for me, MMSS! My days are really running together! Wirdgirl and chapter 4, you just get an extra day of prayer and well wishes from me ; )