Always waiting for the other shoe to drop...

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ForMyBoys
ForMyBoys Member Posts: 64
edited June 2014 in Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned

I had bmx plus radiation because of large, grade 3 tumor that grew rapidly. Ribs broken from the radiation and severe burns. This was summer of 2011. I just keep thinking I will get better and be able to move past this...but every little ache and pain has me wondering "what if".

I am triple negative, but did not have a BRCA mutation. No hormones since I am triple negative.

I have neuropathy and severe heel pain, presumably from the Taxol. I've had many pains in lower limbs, but always dismissed due to location. My ALP has been high and rising. My cancer markers were never high, even during the active cancer so those are no longer checked.

I have been increasingly tired and achy over the last few months. My ribs are starting to ache, even though the broken ones have been healed for a while now. I have had thigh pain for several weeks and am scheduled for a PET Friday night. It will be my first since my diagnosis Nov. 2010 (original showed no mets). I had a bone scan last spring that showed arthritis after my increasing pain in lower extremities.

I am trying to be calm and rational...and I am on the outside. I am single mom of 2 boys, one is special needs. I work from home and homeschool them. I want to be able to focus on my kids and be the best mom I can be. But that is hard when half of your brain is always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I HATE cancer.

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  • Angela-R
    Angela-R Member Posts: 273
    edited January 2013

    Hi Schelly.



    I can really relate to your anxiety. It does suck, for us and for everyone around us, particularly at scan time.



    I'm glad you are having a PET. This will give you clarity and hopefully great comfort. It sounds like treatment has left you really roughed up, but you will feel better in time and with good, caring medical treatment.



    And as for that shoe dropping, you will have enough to deal with if it does, so try your hardest not to waste precious energy worrying beforehand. Easier said than done I know.



    I still had regular blood tests during remission even tho my onc didn't trust them. They went up by just a couple of points and she used that as a sign to scan further. That's how we found a sneaky tumour. My body also told me there was an issue when I had a new pain that came on slowly and got worst for no reason. But....BUT....I have had SO many aches and pains from the multiple treatments, none of which were cancer, I would be a basket case if I still got stressed by every pain. It does get easier with time.



    All the very best for this scan and beyond.

    Cheers

    Angela

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  • ForMyBoys
    ForMyBoys Member Posts: 64
    edited January 2013

    I try not to let every little one get me, but they seem to be increasing along with the fatigue.

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  • evjaq
    evjaq Member Posts: 25
    edited January 2013

    Hi I am always describing the "after treatments" time as waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is really hard. I just finished RAD treatments Dec. 4th and have had a exam by my oncologit since the treatments.

    The best thing always is to tell your oncologist what's going on. Trust me I know how hard it is you just want to go on with your life and heal...........................But there's always something. I think we have to get used to the fact our life as we knew it has changed for good. I just made an appointment with a therapist i need help getting over this hump. We all have to do whatever we need to to lead as normal a life as possible.

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  • Kindergarten
    Kindergarten Member Posts: 4,869
    edited January 2013

    Dear ForMyBoys, I definitely can relate to your fears and anxiety!! It does get easier with time!! I am 8 years out now, and even though some days can be tough, my fear is finally on the back burner, yours will be too!! Please have a wonderful weekend, you deserve it!!!! Blessings, Kathy

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  • ForMyBoys
    ForMyBoys Member Posts: 64
    edited January 2013

    Hoping we all have a stress-free weekend and are able to enjoy life!

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  • ForMyBoys
    ForMyBoys Member Posts: 64
    edited January 2013

    It was all clear. YAY!!

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  • Shari0707
    Shari0707 Member Posts: 448
    edited January 2013

    Yay that's awesome..I

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  • Angela-R
    Angela-R Member Posts: 273
    edited January 2013

    That's fantastic news.

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  • lozzie10
    lozzie10 Member Posts: 2
    edited January 2013

    i am new to this site but i just wanted to say that i know exactly how you are feeling.i was diagnosed with stage 11a ILC in may of 2012.i had 2 tumours which were so tiny that they couldnt be felt but it had spread to many lymph nodes.i had a mastechtomy,followed by 6 rounds of chemo and i am now about to start rads.my worry is that i have been having pain in my remaining breast for a couple of weeks now.iu cant feel any lumps but i do have very fibrous and lumpy breasts natually and i couldnt feel the last lumps so that is nothing to go by.sometimes the pain is just achey and other times it is sharp and shooting,like a red hot needle being stuck into my boob.that breast is also very tender when i touch it or when i try and feel for lumps.i am driving myself crazy thinking the worst but i am too frightened to talk to my docter.any words of wisdom from anyone?

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  • doxie
    doxie Member Posts: 1,455
    edited January 2013

    lozzie10,  

    So glad that you have found the bcorg forums.  I hope you'll find the help, comfort and support the rest of us have found here.   

    It's unusual that breast cancer causes pain in a breast.  It's more likely to be the usual aches and pains we experience with hormonal shifts.  I noticed that early in this journey, I was more hypersensitive to any sensation coming out of either breast, and, any other part of my body for that matter.  Touching and prodding the breast only seemed to make things worse.  

    I say, take a deep breath and call your doctor.  They are the only ones who can tell you if there is a problem.  

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