Feeling Anxious, Just Reaching Out

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IAmEnough
IAmEnough Member Posts: 13
edited June 2014 in Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis

Hi all. This source has recently become a source of comfort me, so I'm just reaching out as I don't know what else to do at this point. I was diagnosed with Stage III ductal ER2+ BC in July of '11, immediately had a mastectomy, then went on to fertility treatment to harvest eggs, then 6 rounds of chemo, radiation and then went on to Tamoxifen. After getting genetic test results back (all clear on that front!), I decided to go ahead and have a mastectomy on my other side. I had that at the end of October '12. I was just healed and about to go in for my first expansion when I fluked and found a tiny lump just above and under my clavicle. I had it checked out quickly, it was biopsied and showed to have "a few breast cancer cells". I've since had a CT scan and bone scan. I'm supposed to find out my results next week, but have managed to get an appointment with another oncologist tomorrow. Needless to say, I'm freaking out. I'm trying to keep my anxiety level low; even went to yoga and had my first ever Reiki session this morning. But when I feel the lump, it feels more like two now. I had coffee with a friend today, and I love her, but she was very open with her sadness. I feel like collectively people aren't feeling as positive as they were the first time around. I'm not sure where I'm going with this; just reaching out for some kind of comfort I guess. Tomorrow afternoon can't come soon enough!

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  • Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns
    Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns Member Posts: 319
    edited January 2013

    Breathe in and breathe out. Worry will only make things more uncomfortable -- you KNOW that you are doing the right thing, and whatever is -- already is. Which means that the course you are on is the best possible one... for now. You have been through this before -- you know the bc game... there are always new surprises. You got through the last round, and you will get through this one.

    My very best advice is to step outside into the larger natural world -- sit with your eyes closed (and the sun on your face if you can) -- and LISTEN to the wind in the trees, and the birds singing. Bring yourself into the calm -- you brain sends out chemicals based on your thoughts -- and the thoughts that will bring you most health and nourishment right now are the most positive ones you can find. Since you can't know what tomorrow will bring yet, look for your joy in what you have at your fingertips... the feeling of your own body in this physical world. 

    A bubble bath and your favorite music, maybe.

    But sitting and stewing -- does absolutely no good and makes you even more miserable.. and potentially sends a bunch of toxic-feeling chemicals surging through your body.

    No matter what anyone else says -- the power to be positive is WITHIN YOU.

    Very best of luck with the news tomorrow.

    Linda 

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    Hey Linda!! (She's said really great stuff!!)



    Hello...I'm so sorry. That's scary sh!t and its got to be the biggest fear we all have. And, as we know, the waiting is the worst thing on the planet when we have to do it. You know how you feel and we are here to comfort you as best we can, in our own ways. I want to hug you and tell you I'll be there with you until you know for sure what's going on...then we'll take the next step. But, right now, we have this step to take and we're going to do it. You are so loved by your friends and they don't understand this the way we do...

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  • IAmEnough
    IAmEnough Member Posts: 13
    edited January 2013

    Thank you so much ladies! I'm feeling a bit better today. Went for a run in the rain late last night, then soaked myself in a bath for a while. Now just trying to keep the positive and confident vibes flowing until my appointment this afternoon. Take care!

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  • liv-
    liv- Member Posts: 521
    edited January 2013

    good luck

    xx

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  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 1,383
    edited January 2013

    Thinking of you Hun what a horrible time for you.

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  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited January 2013

    I´m a Stage IIIA lobular lady.......just wanted to send some energy and support your way.......I have had two large lumps go up and down above my scar line for months......no one has suggested a biopsy - if you do have cancer below your clavicle it is VERY close to your original cancer so not necessarily a terrible sign but waiting just does your head in doesn´t it.................Frown

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  • IAmEnough
    IAmEnough Member Posts: 13
    edited January 2013

    Thank you for all of the love, energy and support! I had a PET/CT yesterday and it's showing three nodes (in the area I originally discovered), another one near the other clavicle and one spot on my liver. I know this could always be worse (I've seen a fair share of women on here with numerous mets in liver, bones and lungs), but it's still pretty scary. Just doing my best to trust in my phenomenal onc and surgeon. The surgeon will be taking out the three nodes on the 30th... more waiting... gah!! Just get it all out already!!!

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  • Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns
    Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns Member Posts: 319
    edited January 2013

    The important thing is that they see them and remove them... so any news is actually good news... because you (and your docs) are actively in the process of dealing with this... even if (at times) the new news seems scary. :)

    Just wanted to tell you how beautiful you look in your photo... How old is your baby now?

    Linda

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  • IAmEnough
    IAmEnough Member Posts: 13
    edited January 2013

    Thank you Linda - such wise words! I will do my best to focus on that... we are actively dealing with this. So true!

    And thankyou - my little man turned two in September. Quite the handful, but he's been my own personal angel. :-)

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  • Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns
    Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns Member Posts: 319
    edited January 2013

    Let him be your angel now, too! I bet loving him can keep you VERY busy while you wait ... why not do some special things with him this weekend... the zoo, the park... maybe just coloring... take some more photos and make some memories.  :)

    We will be pulling for you -- 

    Linda

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