Sept 2012 chemo

JoJo..I like your idea on being reborn! That is exactly how I feel. Not only our appearance but our inner needs as well.



Amy...Beautiful story!!

Thanks Bearcub

Neta - I am working real hard to do things to help me rebuild my physical and emotional strength.  It is not an easy task at all.  When I focus though, I know I can make it happen. 

I realize my body is still recovering from all the chemical warfare it received these past few months.  When I get frustrated because I cannot do something, I stop – take a few deep breaths and try again.  I am learning to have patience with myself; give myself a break.  If I still can’t take care of it, I ask for help.  I am slowly incorporating some exercise back into my routine.  I push myself to walk, though painful at times, because I know it will strengthen my legs.  I continue to do my arm exercises.  When I get up from sitting, I use my legs to get up, so I am working my core.  I have tissue expanders, so reaching, pulling, pushing, lifting is limited.  I have to be careful so I don’t injure myself.  The infusion room & doctor office was on the 2^nd floor at the center I visited.  Every time, I walked that grand staircase instead of taking the elevator.  It was another victory for me.  As the number of treatments increased, my stamina for those stairs decreased.  But I pushed myself to do it.  I was focused and I did it, each and every time.  I look for as many opportunities I can to incorporate things like this.  I also reflect on how far I have come along physically and it makes me smile…surgery, recovery from surgery, 4 months of chemo, blood drawn every week, many body changes, dealing with the tissue expanders, the pain, the side effects, etc.  I have come a long way.

Before I received my dx from my doctor, I knew deep down ‘the mass’ that showed on my mammogram wasn’t good.  I felt it in my heart.  Things moved very quickly from there and I had to make some fast decisions.  I got focused real fast – I needed to.  I made my decisions and began preparing for my surgery.  This was my first surgery, so I really did not know what to expect.  I tried to plan for anything that may happen.  I got my legal papers in order (will, power of attorney, health care directive, etc.), bought some larger button down blouses, moved things from the kitchen cabinets down to the countertop, bought paper plates & plastic ware to make things easier for me, etc.  When I got home from the hospital, it was hard to look at myself.  I was disfigured, I was in pain, I had 4 drains hanging off of me and I realized all of my planning wasn’t enough.  Shortly after, I was then told I would need chemo.  Again, I needed to get focused real fast.  I needed to really wrap my head around it, digest it, in order for me to be successful with it.  My head was spinning.  I have had many, many low points.  When they hit, I don’t fight it.  I gather my thoughts and then I reflect on all the positive things in my life.  Through this process, I realized that my dx was a good thing.  If my cancer was found at a later time, I very well could be in a different place.  I pray and express thanks for all the good in my life - that is what I focus on.  I allow others to help me.  My family and friends have been by my side every step of the way.  Strangers have helped me.  I am rebuilding my emotional strength.  When my DH shaved my head, I was ‘okay’ with it.  My scalp was hurting real bad, so it was a big relief.  I was fascinated at first (being bald), then I began to notice I would do what I could to avoid looking at myself in the mirror.  I was still disfigured, I still had pain (but no drains), and now I had no hair.  I allowed myself to avoid myself for a short period (does that make sense)?  Then, I found the strength to get focused again.  I focus on how far I’ve come.  I focus on the fact that my hair and eyelashes will grow back.  I focus on my doctor saying the side effects are temporary.  I pray and am thankful for all the great things in my life. My strength has amazed me.  At times, I worry that the cancer may come back.  I am struggling with that.  I am not sure if I can tackle those thoughts by myself.  But, I can say I did everything that I could to ensure that it doesn’t.

So for now, when I look at myself in the mirror I say … “You are strong, you are beautiful, you are healed.”  And then I smile.

Hugs : )))

I was hoping my next post here would be me cheerfully declaring that I was PFC.  Instead, I have spent the better part of this morning crying, an emotional wreck.  I went to get my pre-surgery breast ultrasound this morning and my first ever mammogram.  After I was done with the exams, their doctor gave me the shocking news that she did not see any change in the ultrasound, and that her opinion was that the chemo was not having an effect on my tumor!!  I am shocked, because each week, my MO has assured me that my tumor is shrinking.  It started out at 3.1cm, and last week, he measured it at 1cm.  This doctor at the ultrasound facility is telling me that the tumor now has satellite tumors and that the MRI I took the week before showed calcifications that were extending out as much as 5-6cm.  I am crushed. Heartbroken.  Was the last 7 sessions of chemo I did a waste of my time?  Did I poison my body for nothing?  Was the tumor actually growing during this whole time?  How could my MO and the scans be so different?

She advised me to skip my last chemo (scheduled for Thursday, the 10th) and go straight to surgery.  Now I am wondering if I will need post surgery chemo, since maybe this other chemo was pointless?  And now I must revisit my surgery options as well.  With a 1cm tumor, I was pretty set on a lumpectomy.  Now with this news, I'm pretty sure a lumpectomy would be disfiguring.  Sigh.  So disheartening to receive this news when I was so close to the finish line of chemo and feeling so excited.

Congrats to those who have finished chemo!!  Everyone's celebrating and being so happy makes me smile.  Amy, your hair growth gives me hope! My scalp is so sore, and I tell myself its because hairs are trying to sprout!  I can see some if I look at myself an inch from the mirror, haha.  But its so sparse.  Maybe some sugar will cheer me up -- its the only thing that tastes good these days.

Fight4two, I'm so sorry this happened today. Which doctor did you see today that gave you this news? The surgeon? Or the radiologist who read the scan? Can you get your MO on the phone?



What he said is really upsetting, but keep in mind his is just one opinion, and your MO will definitely have thoughts. It totally sucks that you got this news just dropped on you. Try to take time to just breathe. Unfortunately you have two days now to sit and stew, without being able to take action. I think you will start to feel better as you learn more and discuss a plan of action.



I'm sending good thoughts and hugs...

fight4two, fer Eff's Sake! I am crossing my fingers that that radiologist was misinterpreting something and is quite wrong. If your MO could measure shrinkage? well, it sounds awful and confusing. Like Toastie said, that's just one opinion. I hope you get answers soon... and if not, we will be here all weekend for you.

Fight4two I agree with the last few posts, I can only imagine what a horrible day you have had. I know my original mammogram said my tumor was 2 cm when after surgery in reality it was only 1.1 cm....they can be wrong. Hugs being sent your way.



Faith Focus I loved your post, my experience was much the same as yours and as I read it, I walked once again through all the issues. Although I had a lumpectomy, no drains, i also did all the prep so i could reach and handle things better. Also keeping up with exercise.

Yes, and thank god we found our cancers as things can always be worse. Thank you for sharing. We have all had a emotional 6-7 months...but we are coming out the other side.



I am almost 7 1/2 weeks post chemo and my hair is growing but not as much as I had thought. At this rate it will be another 3 months before I will be hatless in public, but on a positive note that is 3 months closer than 2 months ago...



Happy Friday everyone!

Fight4two: big hug for you! You need to discuss this with your MO! My surgeon told me today that he didn't want to do an MRI because they Are too inclusive. It gives false readings. She has seen where an MRI showed a really large tumor, then when she does surgery,there is not a

Tumor at all. She said its just not a reliable test at all for seeing tumors. So maybe this is what is happening with your test. Take care.....let us know what you find out.

Fight4two, so sorry to hear about what happened. Big hugs to you.

Hellooooooooo my sisters!!!!! I hope everyone had great beginning of the year !!!!!





Potty training I did that 18 years ago... I'm trying to learn to hold it now since my bladder those what it wants when I sneeze or laugh ... Lol.. But sister has her daughter age 2 so I sit her down when I go and she will go some times ... But it's true when they are ready it will happen......



My port looks good so I don't mind having it there I feel like its my terminator ... To kill evil... Lol



For WBC I eat lots of kale and spinach and of course liver ... It's not that bad.... I seasoned the liver with vinegar to remove some that taste ... Marinated for 39 minutes and just grill it or fry it. cut slices if tomato and onions let it cook for for 8 minutes and add to the liver.... That brings RBC.. For me.... Hope works for u....



Neta I defiantly will try that salad !!!



Amy my hair never

Left just 3 small bald spots but I shaved my any ways!!! My hair is growing from last time I shaved it's similar to yours... Yeah for our new hair....but who knows I'm still in taxol so will see!!!





Regarding parenthood ... Omg I finally caught up on wednesday and let me tell you ladies.....i wish I would of watched it before New Years cause "I am " that type Of " party animal" went clubbing and for New Year had a nice party with friends ...:my daughter came home with few friends did "shots" dance the night away ... Said good bye to 2012 and hello 2013 .... And I always try to feel that I'm going to be ok and its ok to get loose .....once in awhile...... After everything was over the next day I beat up myself ..... I was feeling bad .....shouldn't have .. Praid a lot .......so finally ... I got over it!!! I watch the parenthood ... Not that I'm saying it's ok what She and I did ..lol... But at the moment I felt happy that I had an awesome time with my family friends and specially my daughter... Who knows how will next year will be ... But I sure know it was great...... Will I do it again " NO"....I just need to continue to eat healthy and take care of myself....my birthday is the 21 of this month so I will probably have one piña colada and dinner ....I know that no more crazy drinking anymore....... So parenthood did make feel better just because it's ok to get loose...





Just wondering if anybody gets jitters when getting taxol ... I get it of Benadryl when it's run fast within 16 minutes .. So I asked then to run it slow 30 minutes...





So I just wanna say this year is mine and we will beat this battle so ladies continue to fight fight fight

Fight4two, the more I think about it, the more I feel like the radiologist may have spoken out of turn. There is lots of additional testing that can be done before saying something as extreme as the chemo isn't working. Radiology is only the first step...and as my RO said, it's not the be all and end all. I just remembered that my radiology made it look like my IDC was 2cm, but after surgery we found that it was .4 cm of IDC, the rest DCIS. As others have said, try to do something distracting that you enjoy this weekend. Treat yourself to something special if you can, and know that we are here for you.



Cublet, welcome to the board. I'm sorry you're going through this at such a young age. I'm 28. Have you found organizations like YSC and Stupid Cancer?



Mariposa, thanks for the tip! I will look for that. They want me only to use calendula ointment...but I'm starting to break their rules one by one, starting with the no deodorant one. Um yikes! Anyone notice they have worse BO on the side they had nodes removed on? It is fascinating yet disgusting. Hah!

fight4two - So sorry you're having to go through this.  I hope you're able to get your medical team to agree on your scans and next steps.

Cublet- I too have been neutropenic.  Hoping that time (and perhaps a few back bends) bring your counts back up.  I'm on a low dose antibiotic for the first week after treatment to help reduce risk of infection.  Cancer is isolating by itself so it sucks all the more to be under house arrest.

Welcome to all those who newly joined this thread.  I wonder if it's time to ask Cindi to update "the list no one want's to join" - our Sept chemo list?

Hi All,

Bearcub - You have one behind you!  Yeah!  I am so glad to know your experience was as pleasant as it could be.  When you are treated with dignity and respect, it makes a HUGE difference, doesn't it?  I began to organize a bit and have now realized I may have taken on a project that is too big for me right now.  I need to remember ... baby steps! ...

Cherioo - My doc told me there really wasn't anything for me to do to help with low WBC count.  Rest - eat well - try to exercise.  I received the Neulasta shot the day after each treatment to help with the rebuilding of my white blood cells.  Regardless of the shot, I increased my intake of protein and veggies a few days before treatment. 

Amy - What a nice story.  Good for you - rocking your inner bald chick!  I have not been that brave to do it at any time out of the house.  Even in the infusion room.  I too have had strangers reach out to me and they have been very kind.  To me that is proof that people really can be kind to one another if they want to be-gives me hope.  Prayers for your stepson.  We are blessed to have men like him serving our country.  I have nephews that served in Iraq and Afganistan.  I understand your fears.

Jojo - Your comments are so true!  We are truly being reborn. I like to think of myself as a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.  Right now, I am a little chubby, vulnerable to the world, and have a bit of fuzz on my head.  But, before I know it, I will be reborn as a beautiful butterfly.  I will be sprouting wings and living my life.

Toastiecat - How's the redness?  I hope it subsides and you are feeling better soon.  I'm almost 3 weeks PFC and I only have peach fuzz.  Started taking biotin the other day to help my sprouts along.

Fight4two - So sorry to learn of your situation.  Sending hugs and prayers your way.  Hopefully you won't need any more chemo after surgery.  You have been through so much!  After you gather your thoughts, see what your MO says about this.  The doctor at the ultrasound facility could be wrong. Once you know more, you'll be able to process it better and the decision about surgery will become clearer.  In the meantime, find something to do or work on this weekend to help distract you.

Patricia - When getting the Taxol, they always dripped it slowly.  I was in the infusion room for about 4 1/2 hours each time I went; this was to help with allergic reactions.  They gave me Benadryl too and I slept most of the time I was there.  You should ask about slowing it down; no need to put your body through any more stress.

Whenlifegives - Aren't lists great?  They allow you to cross things off one by one and show what you accomplished.  I have several going on right now. : )

Cubletkelle - Welcome!  These women are absolutely incredible.  Hope you find this forum as helpful as I have.  Get as much rest as you can, wash your hands regularly, keep visitors to a minimum, wear a mask if you need to (if you do have visitors).  My doctor had me get a Neulasta everyday after treatment.  This helps to rebuild your WBC.  Ask about it to see if it is right for you.  If yes, also have them check with your insurance to see if it's covered.  It is a very expensive shot.

I too am curious how many ladies are on this thread now.  The first time I read this thread was the day before my treatment started (mid-Sept).  There were 35 members.  A week later, I signed on again.  The number climbed to 51.  So many are touched by cancer ...

Hugs : )))

Fight4two, obviously one of your docs is wrong, and I sure hope it's the radiologist! Wishing you many distractions this weekend, and maybe some nice long naps to pass the time. As I discovered to my dismay yesterday, there is a chance (admittedly a teeny tiny chance) that your radiologist had someone else's records in hand. Turns out the place that did my echocardiogram 4 weeks ago sent someone else's records to my MO. This other person had my exact same name, and the same test, but as I looked at the report last night I realized that the test date was wrong, I had never heard of the primary and referring docs, and finally...she is 19 years older than me! So I now have had 2 Herceptin infusions based on the acceptable EF of this 80 year old woman. I too will be making phone calls first thing Monday morning!

Toastiecat- I have actually noticed that I BARELY sweat on my surgery side- I don't even need to use deoderant on that side at all.

Parenthood- I do not think that was her real head.  It was SOOO smooth!  Mine doesn't even get that shiny smooth, and I am actually doing chemo.  With all the stubble she would have?  I loved the episode, but when she showed up in her white coat- I thought she kind of resembled an alien! LOL!  Especially from the back.  Gosh, I hope I don't look like an alien!