MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

Marlegal, 

After debating about it in my head, I ordered the caps. I've lost my hair once before 18 years ago when I went through chemo and rad for Hodgkins. I hated it then, so I'm going with the theory that this might hopefully help. If it doesn't, I'll return them and go buuy a wig. No harm no foul. (Or whatever that saying is.) You are right. You wear them for an hour before treatment, and for about 4 hours after treatment.... but yes, you do wear them during treaments as well. My PS said today that he has had several (I think he said 5) patients who have used them and they all raved about how well they worked. So.... I'm going into this with my eues open and my fingers crossed. I'll keep you posted. Chemo starts Wednesday. I should know within 2-3 weeks if they are going to be working. If not..... I'll be having a wig party. (A bunch of GF's going with me to lunch and then picking out a wig. LOL!) I can only hope for the best.

Sherry, I am SO SO happy for you that your scans were clear! YAY! Congrats!!!

Sherry, clear scans - that is so wonderful!

E, I agree with your husband's comment.

Juneau...where was that book when I needed it? LOL

Eli, I'm positive that your team is blood related to my team, but then...that would mean I've met my whole team...I still haven't met my oncologist. I start taxol and hercepton on Monday, port to be installed on Tuesday....Appt. with onco might be on the 16th but they'll confirm, all my APPTS have been changed for absolutely everything 3 times since dec. for all tests.



I'm having a hard time adjusting ladies so not to be a neg I'm not really participating as I'm still soooooooo scared and pissed at my diagnosis. I have not had 1 piece of good news since my botched core biopsy in sept.

Hey Marlegal! How are you?



I copied this from my bio, sort of a rant, they couldn't schedule me, this is the 3rd change and it can't wait anymore, they offered next week but my right side is hurting so I figure there's action there so I'm taking what's available according to their schedule and she said they would do the taxol and hercepton slow drip 6 hours to minimize vein trauma....

Jeez, I'm gonna depress everybody here! Sorry

"Dec 21/12



Not so good news, my whole left breast was full of cancer, 5 lesions with all kinds of stuff, 10 pages worth, vascular, very aggressive, micro & macro invasion...must be an army in there!! Told them it hurt like hell, they said "nope BC doesn't hurt". I'm really pissed at my breast surgeon as she flat out lied to hubby and I...on follow up Monday she blithely said....maybe 1 lesion or nodule..was shown on my irradiated liver cat scan. On Wed 2days later with my girlfriend there (no modesty anymore!) I, of course, pushed for more info, like...I want this excess tissue removed from my boob etc. while she was draining my incision, when can I book etc....she literally tried to avoid me then told me I had much bigger problems...HUH...told me that my liver lit up the scan and I was full of lesions! So that's how I found out I was stage 4, liver cancer....



Why didn't she tell me that 2 freaking days ago when hubby was with me!!! So, the lying begins...you'd think at 61, my own business for 30 yrs, married for 42yrs, 1 daughter, 2 grandchildren, that I could handle a truth??????



My liver scan shows 7 lesions on both sides of my liver approx. 2 cm each, bone scan is being re-done as there's funny stuff around my collar bone & neck, hopefully the chemo will halt or shrink liver lesions...I'm ER & PR NEG, HER2 +



ALL the docs said it was nothing, extremely tiny, don't worry, poo poo, you could wait a year for treatment and it wouldn't change....but, my gut said NO!!



So, my course of treatment is to contain, shrink, manage my cancer till I don't respond to drugs..obviously I didn't drink or party enough!



There's always the possibilty of newer more powerful drugs every day!"

I love you Eli! Xoxox

I too will not judge any feelings either..........

A 15 year research study was done on positivity in the belief it would prove that being positive affected prognosis and survival outcome BUT they found that people who "authentically expressed all their emotions" actually did a lot better as did people who meditated (still working on that one) and exercised or went for a 30 minute walk at least 5 times a week......

This all makes sense to me - I find the pressure to be positive another burden (as if we did not have enough) and I refuse to give myself another hassle!  In fact people saying "be positive" or "at least you´re still alive" are guaraneed to press my irritable button very fast!!!

I would be really pissed at your doctors too........hope you have lots of good books to read.....and some treats...

JoC - sending ((hugs)) to you. Glad that things are finally getting underway for you. It's been a rough go so far - hoping that tx will kick some cancer ass! I'm there in your pocket on Monday for sure.

JoC: Add my wishes for a successful treatment, and my extreme disappointment with your medical team.  Sheesh!  Cancer is hard enough without incompetent medical help.

Sherry: Yippee!  Clean scans are my favorite kind of scans.

Eli: I agree with you that an authentic reaction to challenges is the healthiest response.  Let's face it, cancer sucks big time!  I know meditation is supposed to be good for you, but I've tried for years and it seems impossible for me.  I've decided that trying to meditate is helpful, so I keep trying.

All: I'm trying the apple cider vinegar regime, but so far (3 days) I haven't been impressed.  I've decided to give it a full week, because I hate breaking into a sweat all the time.  I'm not optimistic, but I am hopeful...

eli - that's an interesting thought, that the more positive people may be getting good biofeedback...  I hope it's true! I am largely a guardedly positive person. I tend to "prepare for the worst, while expecting and hoping for the best." I don't go around blowing sunshine, but I don't think wallowing in gloom is healthy either.   I try to eat right and exercise, and I think that helps my attitude, whereas if I were "Gloomy Gertrude" expecting the worst I suspect I'd lay around and eat and feel and fare worse for having done so.  I try to acknowledge my feelings, like "I am really pissed about the LE" but I do try to keep things in proportion, "It's certainly not a bad as it could be...a nuisance, sure, but not a tragedy."

When they said "cancer" back in Feb of last year I did spend a few days in a tailspin, but I've been working to stay sane and in control since then because I can't be any other way. But I was lucky. (afik) The cancer, while large and multifocal shows no sign of having escaped my breast and after the delays in dx and treatment I will count that as a hugely lucky break, while trying not to dwell on the hideous bad luck of getting cancer at all.

JoC1951-

I'm sending virtual hugs along with positive vibes along with all of our sisters.  We will try to remain positive for you through this, and then when, and if you feel like it, you can too.  But we certainly understand if you don't feel it, especially right now as you face your fears from your latest diagnosis.

I am curious about how a 6+ cm tumor was missed back in September?  Or did it grow at an alarming rate?  I am not one to focus on the past, but I think that your local paper might want to do a personal BC story featuring your experience.  You could honestly reveal what your path has been and possibly inspire others to be more aware and even improve the medical response.  I know the timing of this suggestion sucks, and that not all undergoing what you are right now would be "up" for something like this, but if you're like me, having a voice and being heard may go a long way to changing a lot of things, personally and socially.

Before having children, I was very protective about showing others my body and even sharing much of myself in many ways.  The birth of my first daughter changed that, when the nurses lost her heartbeat, the doctor was still on the freeway, and they had me butt naked on all fours trying to improve things, with doors wide open for all to see.  And since then, most recently with BC, when a PS newbie (who looked about 16) joined my PS to get a good look at me and view me getting marked up pre-surgery, not to mention all the different people doing my fills, etc.  Now I'll strip for anyone (kidding)!  I mention that because it is pretty amazing how "life" changes one's perspective.  We all have bodies and experiences, some pretty, some not so much.  I got so much gratification when I campaigned for a nipple and areola sparing mastectomy (not done in my local hospital before) and changed the nurses protocol to 50ccs for expander fills (had been 30 max for four years running, except that the PS could do whatever amount he and the patient wanted when he was injecting the saline).  Seems like a small thing, but nurses were thanking me and my BS told me after surgery that several patients are now asking for NSMs (because the nurses are telling them about it).

I hope I don't sound like I'm tooting my own horn; I shared this because it gave me a lot of pride to know that my experience is possibly helping others improve theirs.

JoCanuck--it is very normal to be pissed, angry, scared, sad, and generally negative when newly diagnosed with the beast.  No worries about expressing any of that, we've been there and understand.  And we still go through those negative feelings, too, from time to time even years later.  So participate all you want, say whatever you want or need to say, it's safe here.  OMG, I just read your update. You were so FAILED by the medical system.  Has any one of them had the common decency to offer you an apology?  Or any acknowledgement of how you have been screwed over? And you aren't depressing me, any way, I am so, so very angry for you!  Give me the name and addresses of your docs and I will file complaints for you.  This was malpractice.  Someone should pay, dearly, for what's been done to you and how you've been treated. 

While I try not to wallow in negativeness, I really resent being told that I am wrong when I feel anger or sadness about losing 3 years of my life to ongoing pain, multiple surgeries, the total destruction of my credit rating and everything else I went through.  I know that's not how I'm supposed to have breast cancer.  Tough $Hi!!.  Who is anyone to tell ME how to have any condition or disease???  Ahhh, I really didn't mean to get back up on that soap box again. 

I think I'll still in someone's pocket who hasn't posted results...or was that Sherry? You can move me into the next pocket when ready!

As for gaps between chemo, elimar, that's how it's normally done, so I can't see it hurting too much...they must have figured out that constant chemo is BETTER but any chemo would be a good thing, you'd think.

Dreams!! I am a VIVID dreamer. My blood pressure meds help that. I also am a night flyer. I am SO blessed with all this! As i go to sleep at night I am actually excited to see what I'm going to dream!! My dreams are vivid enough that I touch and feel, smell, taste and do it all..and I mean all!!! I will have at least one vivid dream a night and sometimes two. I remember them very well. Sometimes I shop in my sleep too which is very cool. I also create art which is also very cool! I'm lucky for this as I spend so much time in bed on my back and can drift in and out of sleep quickly and well. I read every night but don't tend to dream about what I read. I do dream about work (still!) which is understandable. The sex is always amazing, too. Sometimes I have breasts and sometimes I don't. I also dream deeply plotted dreams and know if I wrote them down they'd be interesting to others. So I can talk dreams all night long! hehehehehe

I'm in for the pocket party Jo 😜



On the topic of positive attitude I go with the 'just don't hold it in' group. For me, I've pretty much always been a glass half full girl, so when I was going through treatment, I just tried to keep my head in as good a place as possible because that was how I always did things. If I had a crappy day though, I let everyone around me know that too!



Helping daughter today with baby and dog while her hub is away. Twist my arm Right now she is napping and baby is making adorable sounds in his sleep. I am grateful for this moment in time. My wish is for all reading this to have one moment in their day that feels good. If you get two, that's a bonus!