New relationship... how to bring it up.

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Laurie09
Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Hi guys, 

So, the good news is I have met a really nice man and have been dating him for a few weeks now.  We started off slowly and we both really like each other and have been spending more time together recently.  

I need to tell him about my BC.  It is going to be obvious once he sees me without a shirt (hasn't happened yet, but I am feeling like it will happen soon ...)  I had a unilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.  

I don't know what my problem is.  I don't actually feel weird about having the conversation, but I can't seem to bring it up.  I keep waiting for a logical segue in conversation to be like, "oh yeah, by the way, I had cancer." which I realize is kind of stupid, it's not exactly the kind of thing that just naturally comes up in conversation... Embarassed

So, I need some suggestions for how to bring it up.... I'm going to his house tomorrow night and it probably would be a good time to talk about it... 

Anyone have any ideas, or has anyone had to bring it up with a new relationship before?  How did you approach it?  

Help please... Embarassed

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited January 2013

    I don't know but I am SO happy for you!!! I would just tell him the truth..If this is for real and meant to be he wont care at all! Think about from your end...if he was to tell you he had cancer how would you feel? You would probably be 100% ok with it based on how you feel about him. Good luck! Be sure to update us:)!

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  • Laurie09
    Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
    edited January 2013

    Awww, thanks, Pure!  :D  

    I know he will be OK with it... I don't know why I'm having such a hard time bringing it up.  It's like if I could get the conversation started I think it would be fine.  I just clam up when I think about bringing it up.  Embarassed

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  • mgdsmc
    mgdsmc Member Posts: 332
    edited January 2013

    Laurie09



    I'm so happy to hear you found someone who cares about you! You are very lucky and I'm sure he will stand by your side. Taking a chance on love is always a gamble for both people.



    They reason you haven't told him is you are afraid he will leave you, and that's a normal reaction. Some people can't handle the pressure stress or thought of it reoccurring and losing the one they love. Most aren't like that especially since you have already been through treatment.



    I tell them on the first date or before the date to get it out of the way before feelings develops. One lost his mom 2 years ago to cancer and didn't want to deal with it. The other lost his mom less than a year before I was diagnosed and stayed. It's hard for him sometimes but he is still here with me.



    I always ask if anyone close to them has been through cancer treatment before I tell them. I usually ask about family the first date and that's how I bring it up. If he cares for you as much as you do for him it will be ok.



    Michelle

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  • Laurie09
    Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
    edited January 2013

    Thanks for the input!

    Good news is, I did it last night, and it went well.  We were at dinner and he started talking to me about his sister who had some other type of cancer that was cured with surgery.  I used it as a segue to tell him about mine.  I assured him that as far as I know I am fine, that there is some chance of recurrence but it is low.  He was quiet at first, then told me he didn't know what to say or how to respond, that he felt like he should know the right thing to say, that he should know how to be supportive and felt badly that he didn't know how to respond.  I assured him he didn't need to know what to say or how to respond - that so many people feel that way and it is hard.  I really just wanted him to know.  He asked me a  few more questions about it and we ended up laughing by the end.  

    Then he shared with me that he had a heart attack a few years ago that really scared him.  He actually had a harder time talking about that than I did about my cancer.  It was very sweet and I think, as weird as it sounds, it kind of brought us a little closer together.   I'm very relieved that I have gotten it out there and I don't have to worry about it any more.   

    Anyway, thanks again for the support and suggestions. Laughing  

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited January 2013

    YEAH!!! so happy for you!

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  • mgdsmc
    mgdsmc Member Posts: 332
    edited January 2013

    Good for you!😊

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  • DCMom
    DCMom Member Posts: 624
    edited January 2013

    Yay!!! love these good moments.  I am smiling now as I head to bed.  

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