For the love of my mom

Options
seacliffnights
seacliffnights Member Posts: 7
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hello all, my name is Brian it is a pleasure to be here amongst this great community. I might be a little different here as I am here for my mother who got diagnosed with stage IV her2 positive breast cancer. I should also stress the fact that I am here for myself too, the plan is to help gather more information to help my mother (she is not so much a computer/message board type). I have always been an information person and since my mom got officially diagnosed 10 plus months ago I have basically been eating, sleeping, breathing breast cancer. I am a mechanical engineer by trade (and personality type) and I just cannot help but to look at things mechanically (body being a group of anatomical parts coming together) to where I have learned so much and want to keep learning for my mother's sake and to make a real difference.

A little background about my mother's case, year in and year out she got her mammograms and everything checked out fine/clear. About a year ago she had bumps coming out of her back and armpit area. Long story short the mammograms are limited to the type of cancer my mom has and it flatout never picked it up. Here she did everything correct (no fam history of breast cancer btw) to find out there are real limitations to mammograms. By the time it was caught we got the stage 4 news, as her initial diagnosis. I will add only one sentence about this, but needless to say I was devastated and angry- sometimes my anger manifests to a point where I think the breast cancer situation is nowhere near where it should be in terms of screening and treatment. This seeming epidemic needs more attention, and thankfully progress has been made and more seems to be coming. But I say more and more is needed.

My mother's case has had brain mets, and lung mets. She is relatively young (in her 50's) and I am not giving up on her not 1 bit. That's just not an option, and maintaining a postive outlook and will for her life is my absolute *TOP* priority.

I think I will leave it at that for now, but I wanted to introduce myself as I plan on being ambassador of awareness to the best of my ability. I also plan on updating my mom's case to the best of my ability through different conversations here on the boards.

I look forward to conversing with everyone.

Best wishes,

Brian

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • mgdsmc
    mgdsmc Member Posts: 332
    edited December 2012

    Hello Brian

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I understand your anger and frustration with the mammograms not picking it up earlier. Like your mom I didn't yearly mammograms since I was 27 and all came back clear until February 2012. I was 43 and diagnosed at stage 3a. There are many women who had the same experience.



    I think the best place to post this us the stage 4 boards. They have wonderful women with tons of information on treatments and survival.



    My heart is breaking for you and your family. I wish you good luck. Your mom is lucky to have a wonderful son :)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • LNBCA
    LNBCA Member Posts: 49
    edited December 2012

    What a great son you are for advocating for your mom. I bet she feels so fortunate. I'm so sorry she was diagnosed at a metastatic stage. I've been here since April, asking questions, looking for opinions for my mom too. I spent many, many days crying and worrying for my mom. It's awful not knowing what the future holds for someone that we love so much. My mom's first diagnosis was not found on mammogram either, the second time it was. I wish you and your mom all the best.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marywh
    marywh Member Posts: 2,280
    edited December 2012

    Brian, what a wonderful son you are to do this for your mom. I hope one day you will be able to talk her into getting on these boards herself. It has been my lifeline since I was dx with stage 4 in Aug. She wouldnt even have to post, just lurking around the boards helps alot. My main comment to you at this point is to stay away from dr. google and statistics. Each of our cases are individual and treatments vary so much. Again, welcome to you and your mom and hopes and prayers are with you...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns
    Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns Member Posts: 319
    edited December 2012

    Brian -- I would also suggest that you explore the threads for stage IV family and care-givers --

    So so sorry that your Mom's first diagnosis was stage IV. But keep in mind that each cancer is different, and potentially the right combo of treatments will be found to keep your mom active and enjoying life for a long time to come.

    I was the primary care-taker for my father in 2010-2011-- first he had esophogeal cancer (we did the full range of chemo/radiation/recovery -- and it was a wonderful time of growing close as a family. We spoke about things differently -- we appreciated each other more. We celebrated the end of chemo/radiation with a family vaction -- I drove my parents from Kansas City to Tucson to visit my sister -- stopping at 7 National Parks along the way. A few months later we took another trip -- this time so my Dad could walk my 60-yr-old sister down the aisle at her wedding in Maine. Wonderful times.

    Then he had a seizure and was diagnosed with a new primary (stage IV) brain tumor. 

    Those months of caring for Dad -- and especially the last month we shared in Hospice as he lived his last days and said his goodbyes -- were the most powerfully spiritual and enlightening time of my life. I learned what love truly means... and found that the bonds between us do not end with death. In many ways I am actually closer to my father now -- I see him in every beautiful sunset and every mountain vista. He is 'with me' now in new ways.

    Whatever happens next with your mother -- this cancer experience brings you and your family the opportunity to experience life with an intensity that most people do not know. You can help your Mom find not only the best course of treatment for her body -- but help her seek and experience the soul/mind expansion that comes only through near-death and death. 

    MY best to you and your family ... 

    Linda

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • seacliffnights
    seacliffnights Member Posts: 7
    edited December 2012

    To all, thank you so much. I'm not sure why but this place is kinda therapeutic...and Mary you're right Dr. Google is terrible it picks up keywords and older stats. As mentioned I have hopes of my mom living a good while with this, it can be possible.

    mgd, yeah these mammograms are quite frustrating. It never picked my mom's up, old technology that only picks up maybe 80% just not right for the other 20% who go on thinking they're fine. Only to have things advance along untouched. I'm beginning to get angry I apologize 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • GoldenGirls
    GoldenGirls Member Posts: 608
    edited December 2012

    Hi Brian,

    Your post made me cry. I too am here for my mother who is not at all internet-savvy. She had breast cancer 11 years ago and now it may be back in her bones. We're coming on our 7th week of waiting to find out for sure and it's been excruciating and heartbreaking...nervewracking...you know what I mean.

    Your ability to stay positive and your obvious love for your mom warms my heart.

    This has been a great place for hope, encouragment and information.

    Stay strong!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • seacliffnights
    seacliffnights Member Posts: 7
    edited January 2013

    Yeah sometimes I have a hard time too, it is very painful to say the least. Sometimes I wish it was me as my mom is so delicate she's done so much for others now this

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • KeepingFaith69
    KeepingFaith69 Member Posts: 508
    edited January 2013

    Brian,



    The love for your mum shines through your posts.



    I am a systems analyst and 'needed' information in order for me to process stuff.

    The wealth of information from the women you contribute to this site helped to navigate me from a place of darkness and despair, to a little less frazzled as each day passes.

    Sending healing, peace and gentle hugs to you abd your Mum.

    And a HUGE thank you to the caring and supportive people on this site.

    Pae xo

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories