Cancer came back

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  • maryannecb
    maryannecb Member Posts: 1,453
    edited December 2012

    Sorry to read this. Hugs for you and your family. Onward to control! Whack it back.

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  • Mamita49
    Mamita49 Member Posts: 538
    edited December 2012

    Sorry to be so sellfish ladies,

    I have my appt. in two days, on Thursday at noon.

    I am soooo terrified, having to deal with cancer after 4 years again.

    Right now, I dont know my options, but I am feeling so numb, it hurts from stresss EVERYWHERE in my muscles.

    Its not me at all, I have no fear foe me, I came to accept my faith, but its my two girls that I hate to see to suffer. It makes it all soooo much more unbarable to know that my biggest dream EVER is not going to happen. To see my grandchildren.

    I am keeping myself alive right now ONLY for my two girls ( 24 and 17 years), though I love my hubby, but its not the same than the love and pain you have for your children.

    We just got a wonderful horse for my younger daughter, and tonight I am going to the stable, like I do 3 times a week. I walk and my body feels strong without any symptoms at all. 

    Its all in my mind, reading soo many data on the internet that i will be dead in max 4 years, if at all, for sure nor more than that.

    I need your support for Thursday, just a little bit hope could ease the pain.

    Thanks Ladies

    Carol

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited December 2012

    Mamita, I am there, today and on Thursday. Hope never dies.

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited December 2012

    Carol, please don't lose hope!

    There are new treatments today even from when we were first dx, wait until you speak to your onc before putting an expiration date on yourself. Stay away from Dr. Google!

    When I am stressed or obsessing, I find it is best to try and distract myself. Is there something you do that you can lose youself in? Funny TV shows or computer games even? Try not to get ahead of yourself in your mind too much, just take one day at a time!

    Know you have a lot of people here to support you through this.

    Thinking of you tonight, and on Thursday too. ((((hugs))))

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited December 2012

    You are not selfish...sorrow is very lonely and I am thankful you allow us to be there for you!! Your two daughters are the same ages of my son and one of my daughters. Maybe focusing on your daughters and Christmas will help ease the stress until you meet with your doc on Thursday. Praying you will receive hopeful news as to treatments that will bring you to remission again!!

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited December 2012

    I sincerely hope you can stay out of the dark places that your mind wants to go.  It's normal to think too much, but it's just thoughts, not reality. There will be many good times ahead for you and your family.  Hold on to that!  You do not have to be brave, you just have to take another step, do what comes next, and live each moment as fully as you can.  It warms my heart to read about your wonderful family, the "new horse", the love you all share.  Know we are here, we care, and want to listen and help.  Lots of good vibes going to you in Montreal tonight. G.

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  • KeepingFaith69
    KeepingFaith69 Member Posts: 508
    edited December 2012

    (((Mamita)))

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  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 1,383
    edited December 2012

    Hun, I know what your going through, I had my mamo yesterday and had to have it done twice and two US. They though they could see cancer in my other breast WTF it's only six months from treatment. The fear and sickness I felt was terrible and like you all I could think of was my three girls( 24, 16 & 14)



    Please don't give up you only have it in a small area ( am I right ) wait till it's in every part of your body before you start to think the worse. That's how I'm going to see things if and when it happens. The docs keep telling me my out look is not good but I'm going to keep fighting and you will too.



    My youngest daughter had a horse share will I was going through treatment it was the best thing we did.



    You will be ok and we are all with you on your fight.



    Love and hugs



    Alison

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  • CherylinOhio
    CherylinOhio Member Posts: 623
    edited December 2012

    Mamita:  I have 2 horses and they are just wonderful!! My boys help me through each and every day!! Once I get to my sister's barn and smell the hay and the horses all is right with the world!!  You focus on the horse and your kids and Christmas!! I am sure this is nothing and even if it's something there are many treatments out there!!  I am going tomorrow for a chest xray and having my ovaries taken out but I just keep thinking about my horses!!  Keep your chin up!!

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  • HLB
    HLB Member Posts: 1,760
    edited December 2012

    Please don't lose hope! I really don't think that's true about the four years. There are so many treatment options now! Come to the stage 4 group when you are ready. Lots of ladies have liver mets and have been well for years! I think you will feel better after your appt tomorrow and you have your plan. Its so difficult and shocking, I know, but it does get better. Good luck tomorrow. Hang in there.

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  • Annie62
    Annie62 Member Posts: 1,081
    edited December 2012

    Mamita,

    I'm so sorry to hear your news but happy that you will be treating those liver mets while they are still small. Just this week there was a post from a woman who was six years NED after treating liver mets and doing very well ten years out. 

    Annie

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  • Moonflower83
    Moonflower83 Member Posts: 92
    edited December 2012

    Mamita, I´m so sorry and I still hope that they find out it is not cancer.

    But, even if it is, they found it very early. You don´t have symptoms and just 2 spots. The mother of a friend had bc and 3 years later a recurrence in the liver, they treated it and she is still NED after 10 years. It is possible. Please don´t give up hope.

    Hugs

    Moonflower

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  • MaxineO
    MaxineO Member Posts: 555
    edited December 2012

    Carol- Don't lose hope. As everyone has said, the 'spots' are still very small, and some treatment will knock them back.  I am sorry you are having to go through this; what a terrible 4-year anniversary present.  I very much feel for you when you worry about your girls.  But they love you so much that they wouldn't wish anything else than to help you through this. 

    Take some breathing space. Lean on your faith.  And try to distract yourself.  One day, one hour, one minute at a time.  I will be thinking of you for Thursday.  Hope will get you through so much.

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited December 2012

    Carol,

    Please don't loose hope..If the spots are so small they can't biopsy then they will get a tx plan to zap them..And you will be good. You went 4 years! That is excellent...You can go go another 4 and another after that... They areon the verge of SO MANY great tx's. PLEASE hang in there! You can do this....

    My friend is 9 years out with stage 4.... and 19 from stage 3.... You can do this!

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  • HLB
    HLB Member Posts: 1,760
    edited December 2012

    Thinking of you today. Hope your appt goes well. Its true, there are some exciting treatments in trials that really look like they could put people in remission for maybe unlimited amounts of time, like a vaccine and t-cell therapy. I hope they happen soon!

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited December 2012

    You are in my thoughts and prayers today....BC sisters feel each others fears in ways no one else ever can!!

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited December 2012

    Carol, you are not being selfish.  You keep hope and if it's being with your girls, seeing grandkids or even riding that horse...whatever it is.  You use it, focus on it and don't loose hope.  There are many woman on here that have proven research/stats wrong so, don't get caught up in stats sweetie.  Stay off the internet, I know it's hard.  Also, who knows how far we will be in 4 years, there will be many more meds or chemos we might have by then.  Stay strong, my hugs and prayers are going your way.

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited December 2012

    Here's hoping the appointment went well today.  Warm hugs.  G.

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  • melmcbee
    melmcbee Member Posts: 1,119
    edited December 2012

    Praying your appointment went well and healing hugs to you.

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  • Mamita49
    Mamita49 Member Posts: 538
    edited December 2012

    Saw the new onc yesterday.

    4 years ago, I was at a local hospital with Chemo, and then switched to McGill University.

    Never saw my " old " Onc back again. I have been followed by my breast surgeon at McGill for the last 4 years.

    Now he moved me to the Onc of McGill.

    First the lesions are on the surface of the liver and small.

    I am taking since yesterday Femera, and will have a biopsy within the next 2 weeks. The biopsy is to see if the HER-2 status has changed. This happends very often when you have progression.

    If I am now Her  positive,

    second line of attack will be Herceptin,

    If I am still Her-, he will give me the femera plus chemo. 

    Surgery is not an option, since he believes that you can " disturb" the lesions, and cause a major spread.

    ( This is the only part I am having trouble with, cause I would like to have the 2 spots removed, but he is afraid that, this could cause more desease..??? HHmmm) Its specially the case with breast cancer, not with others cancers, like coloncancer with liver mets, since those other cancers are not related to hormone sensitive cancers. The spread with hormone sensitive cancers are far more possible with surgery. 

    Well, I will have a second opinion on that one.

    I told him that I will get a second opinion on that one, about the surgery, and he was very ok, very fine with that.

    He ordered also a whole body pet scan. My blood test was perfect, tumor markers extremely normal, but the nurse said that

    this means actually not much.

    She has seen women with normal tumor markers who had cancer everywhere in their body, and vice versa.

    So even the markers where like 11..... Whatever that number means, its not saying much.

    I also have a bit of a fatty liver, but thats not dangerous.

    He also prescribed me high dose of Vit d and calcium. ( He said its more effective than the zometa for the bones,  .. right now....... and I must keep on with good exercise.

    Well, thats it, the guy seems to be very smart and calm, very direct and open. My daughter is a scientist herself, in biology, and when the onc mentioned that he will put me on a trial in January, my daughter was very sceptical, since she knows that many doctors do that only to gather as many patiens they can get, to get the amount of people they need from the medical companies.

    My next appt. is Janyary 10, and by then my daughter will have find out if the " trial" is a profit for this doc, which we right now assume NOT, but again......hey..... you never know.

    Thanks for all your support,

    Carol

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited December 2012

    Ok, Mamita, that sounds like pretty good news all in all. Any chance they could use that laser knife thingy or cryo-ablation to zap off the lesions?

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  • MaxineO
    MaxineO Member Posts: 555
    edited December 2012

    Carol- This sounds like pretty good news, overall. I am glad to hear you have already started working out the treatment, and I hope that gives you some peace of mind.  Try to relax between now and your next appointment. I'm happy that your daughter is helping you through this.  Sending many good thoughts and prayers for you.

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited December 2012

    It sounds like your appointment went well.  Wonderful that your daughter is there to help listen and give her slant on things.  A second opinion sounds like a good idea, too.  Thank you for letting us know your news.  I am keeping you in my thoughts.  Hugs, G.

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited December 2012

    Hi Carol. I think it's normal to go to the dark side when we get news we weren't hoping for, but please keep in mind , the reality is that women are living many many many years with metastatic disease ( and living well) . I know of a few that are at the 10 year mark and going strong. (and also keep in mind that there are constantly new tretaments being developed)

    I wish you brighter days !

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited December 2012

    Thanks for keeping us up-dated!! I did a second opinion at MD Anderson...went with their treatment plan verses the first opion....good decision concerning you going for a second opion!!! Sounds like you've got great support and love with your family...that's the most powerful tool to you staying strong and hopeful!!! Now you can enjoy this Christmas with your wonderful family!!!

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited December 2012

    ((((Carol))),

    I have been absent from the Boards for a while and I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.  I am worried about an ache in my hip that has gotten steadily worse over the past few weeks and it just pisses me off that us ladies can't just write off any new aches and pains as part of getting older.  And the fact that you are symptom free is nuts.  I hate this freakin disease with all my heart and soul!  But I am the same way you are, want to be here for my kids as long as I can. 

    Don't write yourself off yet sistah.  There's so much being done out there right as we speak.  And remember YOU ARE NOT A STATISTIC. So whatever you read about 4 years---pish posh.  You are going to be here for a LONG time after that.  BELIEVE it!

    Love,

    Sharon

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  • HLB
    HLB Member Posts: 1,760
    edited December 2012

    This sounds like a good plan. Good idea about the 2nd opinion too, although I find what he said very interesting and I tend to believe that about disturbing the cancer. I am on femara since july and so far so good. I never had symptoms either. Mets were found by tumor marker going up. Waiting for symptoms is bs imo! Try not to worry too much and have a nice holiday. Your onc sounds great and he will bring this under control. Many good times ahead!

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  • Mamita49
    Mamita49 Member Posts: 538
    edited December 2012

    Hi Ladies,

    Its  so strange......I feel strong, like nothing happend. I sleep well, eat well.....Feel in my body good.

    Its in my mind that I feel alone, dead, dying....Outcast. You would never know that I have cancer in my liver, all body signes are perfect, and still......Here am i am after 4 years......I just cant believe it. I have moments were I feel hopefull for a couple of years, but then again, I soooooo much wanted to on the list of 10 years and more, now if I can make it 2 or 4 years I can consider myself lucky.

    I am grateful that my girls are old enough to live their life on their own, they will always need Mommy, but its ok. I am crying writing this, cause I cause soooo much worry and pain to my girls. they are young and should life a live without worries, and now........" Mom, I love you" Mom are you ok, Mom, do you need something, Mom, can I help......Its nice, but arent they suppose to argue with me, suppose to demand...

    They are to young, and innocent to take care of me........This hurts me a lot.

    Well, I guess its not my fault, just wanted to wish you all a very healthy Christmas.

    Carol

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  • Alicethecat
    Alicethecat Member Posts: 535
    edited December 2012

    Hello Mamita

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    Here's a case study of a lady who was originally diagnosed in 1993 that I posted on the Clinical Trials thread in August 2012.

    The case study, Surgery for widely disseminated breast cancer: prolonged control by excision of metastases, appeared in the Royal Society of Medicine journal.

    http://shortreports.rsmjournals.com/content/3/4/26

    It is fair to say she has undergone a lot of treatment but...it seems to be working for her.

    With hope

    Alice

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  • liv-
    liv- Member Posts: 521
    edited December 2012

    mamita so honestly written & i felt every word.

    today is like the first time being diagnosed, shock horror despair and just like when you were diagnosed with primary bc you felt exactly the same then acceptance came and it will again.

    right now your are in shock but  i promise you this will turn into survival mode, but for now, one day at a time.

    be gentle on yourself, be sad, be anything you want to be because i promise, you will fight this monster as you did before.

    biggest cyber (((hug)))

    x

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