Sad

Dani

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. There are many women feeling the exact same way. I would be lying if I said I never felt like that. It's a natural reaction to everything you have been through. The physical part is over but not the mental.



People who have never had BC can't really understand how you are feeling. They think its over because your major treatment ended but we know BC will be a part of our lives forever.

Everytime you take your pill you are reminded of having BC.



You are angry because you miss your old life that you had before BC. You can't figure out what you did to deserve this? How can you prevent getting it again and sometimes you might think its not worth the fight. I think that's all part of the diagnosis.



You will be ok just need time to deal with your emotions. You have fought a long hard battle and won! Don't beat yourself up about not getting excited or changing your mind about going out. We all have good days and bad, it's a roller coaster ride. The important thing to remember is you fought to get to this point for a reason. Think about what that reason was. Take time exhale and take it one day at a time. Physical wounds heal much faster and easier than mental ones.



We are all here for you, never think you are alone. You are stronger than you know. Look at everything you have been though and you are still here

Dani

I'm so sorry to hear about your boss. Losing someone you care about is always hard. You could be having survivers guilt.



You are happy that you survived still doesn't make the loss hurt less. You will be sad and cry for awhile but one day you will wake up feeling on. Can't say it will be tomorrow next month next week but the day will come. Take your time grieving you have lots to be sad about. Once you are done think of all the positive things you have do e in your life and what you plan to do.



Holidays are hard on lots of people even if tv doesn't show it. You will be ok

Dani

I'm right there with you. It take efford to get dressed and put on a happy face when we feel sad inside. Sometimes being around people helps but not always. What I do to help me is put on music as I get dressed. Something you really like and can sing. It helps lift your mood. Once at the event you will have to deal with the "Are you ok and how are you doing" questions with ever person that you speak with. It's annoying but they mean well. If you don't feel better and just won't to be alone make an excuse to leave. Looking at happy carefree people can make you more sad but usually it allows you to forget about what you are feeling for a short period of time.

Remember it's not about how they feel its how you feel that counts. Not how you think you should feel but how you really feel. If you need to vent I'm here to listen, vent away



Michelle

Dani

Once again I hear what you are saying about mom letting you down more than once. I can give many stories but one that was just upsetting was this one. When I was first diagnosed I was still going to my doctor I had for many years even though I moved over an hour away. It was just once a year and where all my family lives. Anyway once I found out I was stage 3 and would need chemo my mom wanted me to stay with her during treatment sounds nice right? No it wouldn't have been. She wouldn't have helped me do anything would have just complained and directed my kids and brothers on what to do for me. So of course I didn't I stayed home and my girls 21 and 17 took excellent care of me. Do you know my mom stopped talking to me for over 4 months because of this? I'm her only daughter and she had no idea what was going on with me. My brothers and I have dealt with this type of things all out lives and aren't phased by it anymore.

Not sure if you have siblings or children to help you. I'm not married anymore but my girls have helped me deal with the darkest hours of my life. They kept me going and is the reason for me living. You have to find someone who really can support you and you can count on. Sometimes there is no one than you do it yourself. You have a reason for living once you figure that out you will be ok.

Remember the holidays aren't joyful for everyone. Maybe this will be a sad one for you if that's true it's not the end of the world. You will look forward to the next holiday season. Next year is a few days away. Make a goal to be in a happier place and do things to get there no matter how long it takes. You are worth the efford and happiness is within your reach! You will no ok

Dani



Happy New Year! I don't remember reading your reply. I hope your holidays were too bad. Anyway they are over!

Glad to hear your dad gives you good support. Mothers aren't always like they appear on tv but what can we do? I just raise my kids the opposite way my mother treated me and we are very close.

Holidays blues are gone for awhile, thank goodness 😊



Sorry it took so long for my reply

softness1



Don't think you are alone in feeling this way. The anger and sadness of losing your old life is normal but doesn't mean it doesn't suck!



I know it seems people around you are living life happy and carefree while you are going through this. Your sister for example might have lots of men in and out of her life but are they the kind of men you would date? I know people like that too and wonder what am I doing wrong. First stop comparing yourself to others, not going to help.



Was your relationship with your boyfriend a good one? Probably not for him to leave you the way he did. Just think why would you want to be with someone who would stay out late knowing what you are going though plus leave you when you aren't feeling like a pretty woman? Of course it hurts but one day you will wake up and be ok. It won't be anytime soon though. Save your energy for healing and concentrate on your kids. I hope they are there for you.



I'm there with you about people telling me how strong I am. My reply is no I'm not that strong but I have no choice but to fight for my life. Yes loosing my hair and breast sucked. Yes I cried a lot at night when I was alone fought hard not to during the day around my kids but it was hard. I remember looking in the mirror thinking who is this person with no hair and fat from the weight gain? It's not the woman I have known 43 years! It was hard and sad but guess what? I'm here and doing great. No I didnt have a boyfriend or husband to tell me I was still pretty when I knew they would be lying. Yet here I am.



I'm still healing from my DMX with TRAM reconstruction looking like Frankenstein's monster but that's ok. I'm still growing hair from the chemo, some bald spots but its ok. Have appt with radiologist Thursday to start treatment and looking forward to it.



My point is none of us wanted this and all of us have to fight it. You can give up but why would you? There is so much life to live. Yes your old life is gone and you can't change that but you can look forward to being cancer free and starting a new post cancer life. I know it seems forever but the day will come. I have been dealing with this almost a year 2/15/12. It's has been an eye opening experience for me. You will be ok. Give yourself time to grive for your breast and relationship. It's ok to miss them both.



Michelle

softness1



You are welcome to vent anytime, this is the place. I know what it's like to put on a happy face when you are scared inside. Like you I did the same with my kids but when I was alone I cried sometimes. As a mom we don't want our kids worried about us.

I have told this story many times but it seems to help people. I had never cried until the day I got home from the PS. He told me you will wake up with just a line across your chest with no nipples just expanders that has to be filled bi weekly. I was so sad he looked at me a d said "they are just breast!". I came home and lost it. I tried so hard not to cry especially since my 17 year old daughter was home but I couldn't stop. She said " do you need a hug?" I said yes. She hugged me and said " it's ok mommie strong people cry too. You are losing a part of you of course you will miss it" I stil get teary eyed. That's the only time I cried in front of my kids. I try not to depend on them but sometimes can't help it.



I knew you were just venting because you said feel the way most of us have. Pity parties are allowed with no judgement😊



Michelle

sanbar8771



Omg! I wrote a reply yesterday but I guess it didn't go through. So I will try it again.



There is nothing wrong with you! You feel they way you feel for a reason. You body might be healed but the mind takes a little longer especially emotionally. Unless you had a hysterectomy there is no reason you can't have children if that's the case there are other ways to become a parent.



This horrible disease affects us in so many ways. Peace and happiness will come your way just can't tell you when. One day you will wake up and be ok hope it's soon. Take as much time as you need. Make a goal for yourself and focus on it. Remember nothing worth having comes easily😊