Feeling like I'm having a mental setback
My MX is over, started reconstruction with TE, they got all of the DCIS, no nodes involved, I am down to my last fill, and I found out I won't have to take tamoxifen, because the risks are not worth what little benefit.Yeah for me! My exchange surgery will be sometime late January early February, so why am I feeling so down? All I want to do is cry and be left alone. Is this normal, I felt like I was doing so good and all of a sudden I have hit this brick wall and everything sucks.
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Dear mrenee68, I know after I finished active treatment, in my case partial mastectomy, no lymph node involvement, radiation and now how many years of Arimidex, after daily radiation was over, I had a period like you describe. I was definitely depressed, cried alot, lack of interest , just wanted to curl up into a ball and remain there undisturbed. I had not found bc.org at that time, my daughter, my rock, was at a loss of what to do for me. She googled support groups for breast cancer and found this site. I just read for awhile and then started posting where I thought I would find people who felt the same. I was on the site daily, reaching out of the big black hole. I think it occurs after treatment because you are finished with the active treatment, Dr.'s office visits taper off and it feels like you lost a safety net you were depending on, you are on your own, except with bc.com you need not feel alone, we are all here. Some are exactly where you are and you can directly relate to them, some are a ways out and you can glimpse hope, your posting was the right first step to take, Many will find you, like I did, I very rarely visit the Active Topics lists, but today I did and found you here and felt moved to respond and offer my experience. Browse the available sites, see if any speak to you, check in alot for support, as I said in the beginning of my "solo" trip, I lived for my responses and devoured news from others, I even reached out in a PM to a person who sounded like she had just gotten out of my boat, that was a giant leap of faith. Three years out we are still PMing each other, she is a great friend though we've never met, do now talk on the phone as well as PMing. It is a process of reaching out that will bring others to you on this post, just as I found you, others will follow me. (((((mrenee68))))) Karen
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bump, so others may respond.
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Thank you so much for your support, sometimes it's just nice to know I'm not alone. My family has been wonderful, but this process just seems never ending. Every day is a new day and many times I don't know what to expect. I haven't found a new normal yet. Thanks again!
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mrenee68, You had to hold so much in to get through-diagnosis, surgery, recovery that you were not able to grieve and mourn your loss. So now is the time. Give yourself permission to cry mourn feel sad so you can move forward. I guess I'm speaking to myself as well. I had my bmx last Friday and all the emotions I had to hold in for months are now coming out. I keep telling myself I AM TITANIUM and hopefully i will eventually really feel it. Im praying you will feel better soon and find your new normal!
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I had my BMX in Feb, chemo April-June, reconstruction surgery August, now on my second AI hormonal pills. No complications. Back at work in mid-August. And now I am really crashing- one day fine, the next day wondering how the two years will go (when you are most likely to have recurrence, though you can always have one.) I feel bleak- like why would I get heavily involved in the future? Will I be a patient with health issues forever, after being darn healthy until 56?
I have considered the Lexapro my PCP suggested trying but I am hesitant. Another med??? -
This is a topic that speaks to me right now. I am 7 months post BMX, and was so positive for 99% of this time. But I feel a threat of setback looming for a variety of reasons. Thanks for everyone out there who shares what they are going through on these forums. It makes a huge difference to know I am not alone.
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