Can I make it through, again....2012

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SheChirple
SheChirple Member Posts: 954
edited June 2015 in Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries

I was diagnosed Oct 14, 2011.  I had my BMX the Monday after Thanksgiving 2011 and made it through Christmas despite my recovery and minor depression. I held onto the fact that I was cancer free, no chemo, no radiation and just facing reconstruction.  I looked forward to Holidays 2012!  Truly thought I would be done, all this behind me, and 2012 would be a joyous holiday season.

Here we are approaching Christmas 2012 and I'm all tears.  I suck it up every day, throw on my 'face' and go out into the world.  Inside I'm crying all day, every day.  Why?  I still know I'm cancer free. I still know it's just cosmetic reconstruction issues. I still know thousands, heck millions, of women are in a much more difficult place than me. But, it's just not over.  I think it's sinking in that it will never truly be 'over'.  It will always be with me.

Nobody understands.  Nobody IRL.  Nobody in my daily life.  I have friends.  I have friends with BC, even.  Maybe I'm jsut having a bad day and I need to get this off my chest. 

I'm sitting here looking at my Christmas tree.  It's beautiful, really it is.  But, I'm just not feeling it. I can't shop.  I can't buy gifts. I can't watch TV.  I can't "do" anything.  I need to clean my house, I can't.  I need to put away all the boxes from decorating the tree (2 wks ago).  I need to put out the rest of the decorations....but I just say why bother, I'll just have to put them away again.

I put on my face very day and go out into the world. But, when I'm at home....................

SOMEBODY HELP ME FIND MY CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!

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Comments

  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited December 2012

    SheChirple...in my humble opinion, you are describing classic, clinical depression.  I don't think it's your Christmas spirit that needs adjusting. 

    I do think you should talk to your MO, or even your PCP, and talk to one of them about taking an anti-depressent med to get past this.

    I was diagnosed in October last year too.  I've had some issues with this year's holiday hoopla triggering the stunned fearfulness that I was experiencing this time last year, and I'm trying direct my attention to a healthy future instead of re-living the nightmare.  I know you know what I mean!

    Please take care of yourself.  There are better days ahead.   

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  • SheChirple
    SheChirple Member Posts: 954
    edited December 2012

    Thank you for your kind words. 

    I think I am accepting that this is true depression and that I need a little help.  I have an appt 12/26 and will reach out then.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2012

    She...you are not alone. I am two years out and have some of those same feelings. Last year was actually good, but we were caught up in a big family wedding.



    This year, it seems I am on remote and not really appreciating as much. More emotional, but the last few days have been so sad.



    I read something once about the 50/10 rule. Out of every hour take ten minutes to allow yourself to gripe and moan about anything. Maybe jot it down. Then take the other 50 minutes to look for things to be appreciative of, and that are positives.



    I have been trying that the last few days, and I think it really has helped.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited December 2012

    SheChirple, you never have to put on your face here. We're with you throughout the holidays and beyond.

    • Your Mods

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  • mrenee68
    mrenee68 Member Posts: 383
    edited December 2012

    Please know you are not alone, I am having some of the same feelings. I know I will get through this and you will to. I think sometimes we might just need a little help to get over the hurdles. Know that you are in my thoughts and each new day is an opportunity to start over. ((Hugs))

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  • Hear2day
    Hear2day Member Posts: 11
    edited June 2015

    Great idea!! When I write about my pain on paper, I shred it when "pity time" for me is over. May not help everyone, but it is a tool to make it through those not so good days. And in my town, I do recycle my shredded paper!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited June 2015

    Dear Hear2day, Welcome to our community and thanks for sharing your tips on managing pain. We notice that this is an older thread and has not had much activity since 2012. Perhaps you could share your story and other experiences by starting a new topic. If we knew more about you we could recommend some forums. Let us know if you need help. We hope that you will stay connected. The Mods

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